Sense of Humor

 I have learnt two very important things in life.

1. Cultivate a sense of humor

2. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Generally, we take others very seriously because we take ourselves too seriously. Laugh at yourself and nothing will seem hurtful. You know nothing remains the same anyway. Not even you. So, why agonize ?? Just makes no sense to me anymore.

People are whimsical. So should you be so? Not necessarily. A Smile and a laugh are the most sensible therapies in this world. They keep you light and unburdened. And sane. Everyone should move on and keep moving.

The old usage was “take everything with a pinch of salt”. But salt retains water in the body and can cause high Blood Pressure too. Whereas, a smile and a laugh brighten your face and your days. And keep you healthy and hopefully, wise too. So, never lose your sense of humor and Every time you start to feel seriousness coming on, put on your laughing cap. Believe me, it is far better than a thinking cap sometimes.

Fill your life with happy moments. And keep Increasing such moments.

Surekha Kothari

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Recognize

The law of resonance is the simplest law to understand and if practiced, can turn your life around and bring it into a happy mode.

Just do not react to negativity in anyone. And this can only happen if you yourself are a positive person. As long as you are reacting to people, you too, definitely have some of that negativity within you.

The state of not being swayed is when you come into your own and stop resonating with anyone’s negativity because you are no longer recognizing it within yourself. It is pretty amazing how liberated you feel when you reach that state.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Counselling

 

Silence

Sometimes, over a period of time, you continue to see so much crap happening around you and in the world, that you reach a state of silence! There is so much to say that ultimately, there is nothing left to say. Speechless state!

I guess the mind has agonized and agonized, dissected and bisected a million times over and finally come to zilch. And that state of meaninglessness is actually the beginning of a new life within this life.

You care and care and care so much that one day, you have burnt your energies and your stamina to arrive at a state of exhaustion.

And then you pick yourself up to start living again and protecting yourself this time over.

It is constant learning. From reactions to anger to denial, bargaining with the self and finally acceptance of what you cannot change. So then, change starts from within. The start of a meaningful journey!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Knowledge

There is a reason why God isolates you. When the few crutches you thought you had also stop working. It is a tough call because we have not learnt the art of isolation. We are so dependent and so unobtrusively so, right from birth.

For some time, you tend to flounder as in deep waters without knowing how to swim. And then, if you are not sinking, you learn to keep afloat at least. That is the first step towards exploring God. The connection gets established only after you experience feeling lost.

The emotion of feeling lonely is a temporary ignorance of the mind. It is actually a state of discovery that we are all in the same boat : ALONE. We come alone and we go alone. It is in between these two that we mess ourselves up until, hopefully, we learn better.

All these facts are so simple really!  We even know this at the back of our minds, don’t we? Then why does the mind not accept this?

If we think about it all, reflection would bring in some knowledge. And once we know, we would find it easier to stay on course.

Defiance and anger regress us. Acceptance and finding positive solutions propels us forward.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari 

Acceptance

 There is a reason why God isolates you. When the few crutches you thought you had, also stop working. It is a tough call because we have not learnt the art of isolation. We are so dependent and so unobtrusively so, right from birth.

For sometime, you tend to flounder as in deep waters without knowing how to swim. And then, if you are not sinking, you learn to keep afloat at least. That is the first step towards exploring God. The connection gets established only after you experience feeling lost.

The emotion of feeling lonely is a temporary ignorance of the mind. It is actually a state of discovery that we are all in the same boat: ALONE. We come alone and we go alone. It is in between these two that we mess ourselves up until, hopefully, we learn better.

All these facts are so simple really! We even know this at the back of our minds, don’t we? Then why does the mind not accept this?

If we think about it all, reflection would bring in some knowledge. And once we know, we would find it easier to stay on course.

Defiance and anger regress us. Acceptance and finding positive solutions propels us forward.

Surekha Kothari

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

www.instagram.com/author_surekhakothari/

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Respect

Popularly said you need to earn respect. Sometimes, making the effort to earn someone’s respect, you end up earning loneliness.

All these sayings are often superficial. They sound good and intellectual when you mouth them in a group. Sounds very impressive.

But really speaking, you have to change your whole personality to earn that respect. Don’t you see? For the simple reason that you cannot be anyone but yourself.

The world is filled with conditions.

If you do this, only then will I respect you…

If you do this, only then will I believe you etc…

And the most important fact: you are probably not sure of your qualities that are respect worthy, often, because they have not been appreciated. YOU have not been respected. Which also means, you doubt your ability to respect yourself. That you lack self-awareness.

I have seen people put down people constantly, mostly so that they can feel good or superior or whatever the reasons.

But the most important thing is, if you respect yourself, why do you need respect from others? External Validation?

You need to be known for who you are and there will always be people who respect you for who you are. We however, look for respect in the eyes of particular people who don’t necessarily have clean hearts towards us. Absolutely no need! There will be myopic people in all our lives who will deprive you of your energy, citing some examples about some fault they find in you. Even exaggerating the issue to tear you down emotionally and otherwise.

But then, it is a case of one finger at you and three back at them.  So let us please preserve our self-esteem at all costs. It is important in the journey of life. And we can be a better version of ourselves with constant awareness and efforts. Yes, sincere people’s opinions do point out to what we need to improve in ourselves. But there is really no need to let it corrode our confidence levels and positivity. Anyway, low self-esteem

Levels are highly damaging and highly avoidable. They can lead to multifarious issues, like a hydra.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari 

Consequences

We do many things during the day. Some are planned and some just come along on the spur of the moment.

But examine them and ask yourself, how many were done for others and how many for yourself? It is really interesting to see what you discover about yourself.

We are often judged by what we do not do to fulfil expectations which are not ours. And to placate and pacify and satisfy others, how much we compromise on our own energies.

But when you reach a point of balance and understand that everything you do has a consequence not in your control entirely, but your intentions have been clear, then you will begin to take steps towards what you feel fulfilled with and for which you don’t mind being misjudged by those who actually feel better if they bend you to their will.

And that is rampant all over, within human beings. Within the mental aberrations of humans, we have to achieve our mental balance. If you feel you are doing right by you, more often than not, people also understand this.

We need to keep to our path. Yes, it may be fraught with some discomfort but it is all better for you in the long run.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Saturation Point

 All these years, having been in denial and argued and vented, finally, truth has dawned! Everything happens for a reason. Everything was meant to be. We thought we were taking the decisions but, was it so? Really? Were our reactions valid then?

Actually, what is meant to stay, stays. And what is meant to get over, just gets over. WE reach a saturation point in a lot of the cases. And in some, the choice is not ours.

And yet, all our lives, we fight and stress, and refuse to let go to move forward. We forget that karma is at work constantly. Our debts call out . Also our credits are interspersed with those debts we must pay. When we experience the joy of good karma, we forget easily. What remains and sustains is the unpleasant memories.

As the wise have wisely said, cut thoughts. Cut memories. They are the source of all the attachment and egos at play in our lives. And when there are no thoughts, it is automatic surrender to a higher power. This is the ultimate in our journey, isn’t it?

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Journey

 All these years, having been in denial and argued and vented, finally, truth has dawned! Everything happens for a reason. Everything was meant to be. We thought we were taking the decisions but, was it so? Really? Were our reactions valid then?

Actually, what is meant to stay, stays. And what is meant to get over, just gets over. WE reach a saturation point in a lot of the cases. And in some, the choice is not ours.

And yet, all our lives, we fight and stress, and refuse to let go to move forward. We forget that karma is at work constantly. Our debts call out. Also our credits are interspersed with those debts we must pay. When we experience the joy of good karma, we forget easily. What remains and sustains is the unpleasant memories.

As the wise have wisely said, cut thoughts. Cut memories. They are the source of all the attachment and egos at play in our lives. And when there are no thoughts, it is automatic surrender to a higher power. This is the ultimate in our journey, isn’t it?

Surekha Kothari

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

www.instagram.com/author_surekhakothari/

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Creation

 One thing is for sure! Our agonizing over relationships only defines our own need. Know that story about the monk who was meditating on a boat on the river in the dark and kept getting disturbed by the collision with another boat? He burst out in anger at the person in the other boat, only to find that the boat was empty and was colliding against his boat due to the winds. In life, we do this all the time. We find situations intolerable and vent our anger! So too, in relationships. If we can think of all relationships as that empty boat, we will cease to be needy. With an attitude that if there IS a person in that boat, smile! And if it is an empty boat also, smile! Nothing can stick to you if you don’t let it. Observing the fleeting nature of things is a great lesson. Sometimes, a “best” friend can part with you for years on account of a small misunderstanding. And sometimes, someone recent in your life can give you the support and caring you would never have imagined. Sometimes, you expect more from those you love and that can really mess you up if that love is not reciprocated in equal measure. It was probably the equation that was to set in but not acceptable to us. The long and short of this is simply to cultivate happiness from within, not giving much thought to what was, what could have been, why it is not the way it should have been, etc. Save yourself the agony. It is completely self-created and harms no one but you. Hard lessons and often taught by people closest to you.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Connectivity

 Lord Acton had said eons back that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Today, we see this with celebrity status turning easily to megalomania. One sees this is all politics and glamour industries. Most in politics where international power of statesmanship seems to be a hotbed for human destruction, e.g., the Russia Ukraine war. Or the threat of nuclear invasions … a complete misuse of power.

Power seems to have the power of destabilization of the mind. An imbalance created within the yin and yang factors within all humans. And the attempt to play God without having the necessary qualities of compassion and empathy for all mankind. Dangerous for the world!

It is as if the higher they reach the more they lose ground reality. In that high space, their vision becomes more myopic, confined to their own endless desires. The connectivity with the rest of the humanity eludes them.

There have always been these kinds of destructive minorities who manage to gain absolute powers. But the ground reality also is, that the weaker majority puts them on that pedestal from where they take the leap towards megalomania.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Judgement

 People were discussing gossip the other day. I started analyzing the detrimental value of this malicious pastime. I could not see it as “information”. More like inquisitiveness and maligning people out of jealousy or spite or both.

We are self-proclaimed judges in society, maybe because judging is easier than thinking things through. And it is certainly not objective by any standards when our emotions manifest in running down someone.

There comes another human aberration to mind. And we have all been subjected to this, causing deliberately planned or thoughtless misunderstandings. Remember Chinese whisper, the game we played in school? At least that was innocent and invited a few laughs.

People have this habit of listening to conversations and then quoting lines from

these conversations WITHOUT giving the context within which they were spoken in the first place! In isolation, those lines could be interpreted very negatively. This causes terrible misunderstandings because people today are quick to personalize every statement. Especially if they don’t particularly like the person who speaks. There is no room for benefit of doubt. Such is the intensity of insecurity these days. Maybe even of very low self-esteem.

Instead of igniting fires of separation, would it not be better to bring people together, just with positive suggestions to all? We do tend to endorse negative viewpoints out of conviction sometimes. The wise however, do not do that. They allow things to be and for change to happen through experiences. A constant criticism and judgement does not give space to the other person to reflect. Also, a direct attack on anyone’s self-esteem is nothing short of cruelty.

As it is said, kindness is to support and strengthen people. Our role in life is meant to be salutary.

The truth is, we are all connected. And when we ignite sparks, some of those sparks burn us too.

And let us incorporate ourselves within our levels of consciousness to get the larger picture.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Principles of Criticism

 This morning, I came across a very important fact in Swamiji’s talk. Makes you think! He talks about principles of criticism.

Jokingly, he says, people who say brutal truths to others about them are often very sensitive when the same is pointed out to them. These are people who are often more interested in brutality than truth. Very often, we find that those who love to criticize cannot face it themselves. In fact, they can’t bear it.

In the scriptures, this is not recommended. They ask you to resist from saying truths of this kind. Instead, they advocate love.

If you have compassion, you need to be gentle and nurturing even in pointing out something to another. Just as you would expect from others.

Actually, critics are those who keep you clean without soap and water. Saints almost never criticize, as you will learn from every Buddha story. But how did he handle people? With warmth and love. Human beings should help each other rise above karmic frailties.

Everyone does not have a charmed life to be able to always be mindful about accepting suffering and hurt gracefully. Life has a heavy karmic agenda for many. For some, the unexpectedness of adversities can be shocking even. But still, they manage whichever way they can. They probably think they have done wonders despite the constant onslaught of karma. However, others around them cannot see the blood tears that have been shed.

That’s why wisdom says, don’t tell anyone what you have endured and continue to endure. More criticism will be the only outcome. There can be a lot of desire to hurt behind the criticism. But, we must be warned that this is not the territory of God.

So, Silence is the best. It is your karma. You face it.

So, tell the truth to someone out of love and gently, in a way that it is accepted and will bring about a welcome change. Let it not result in a vicarious pleasure of having told someone off. And understand that when there is non-acceptance and anger of the person you heap criticism on, that you really need cleaning up as well. Let us worry about our own growth first.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Inflicted

 As I study more, there are so many eureka moments! Incredible learning.

Why do people suffer? The reasons.

We feel we have made a mistake. We shall not do it again. But we forget and make the same mistakes again and again.

Conclusion: memory does not teach us.

Stored experiences from many lives are tendencies that develop within us and THESE form our lessons for growth. Tendencies more of suffering but also good times.

If we notice the nature of each individual around us, their thought processes, what triggers them, what they can tolerate (or not), we will find that karma from many lives really dictate our lives.

We may therefore be born with these tendencies: caring or cruel, considerate or selfish, gentle or aggressive etc.

It is just the way it is and therefore, no blame is to be heaped.

We are therefore, just different, working with different karmic cycles.

The only way we can find harmony and peace for working out our karma is if we learn to live peacefully and with understanding with one another, accept each other as different in some ways and similar in others. And more important. Live and let live with understanding that we are all in the same boat, except some may be in a row boat, some in a sail boat and some in a luxury liner.

Practice only positive feelings where people are concerned. Conflicts give rise to more undesirable karma. Offer love. Offer peace. Don’t throw pebbles in the flowing water to disturb its flow. Counteract negative feelings and action with positive ones.

This superimposition of the negative with the positive will, in time, remove suffering.

So yes, suffering IS self-inflicted and can be removed only by each of us. Don’t worry about opinions. They don’t matter. Only YOU know who you are and how you can alleviate your own suffering.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari