The Truth About Lies

Apart from pristine white people like Satyawadi Harishchandra who actually offered himself up for sale for the sake of truth and a few elevated souls, it is difficult to come across anyone who has never lied. I am not talking about blatant lies which are there for the world to see. There are many levels to lies or telling an untruth. The interesting part is that some lies have positive results as well.

On the cognitive level, just to get our work done, we often tweak the truth and don’t think about doing so twice. Before we know it, small untruths add up to a large but unnoticeable pile. Our ignorance makes us a little complacent about the ethics of it all. Yes, the belief is that if a little lies does no harm to anyone, and is the way forward for the person speaking it, it is valid. Well! This is personal ethics and depends on the sensitivity to truth for each individual. The quest for truth becomes valuable to the state of mind only when we actually attempt to get into that space.

When my children were growing up, I always told them that if they were doing something that they needed to hide from their parents, it was probably not worth doing at all. But, as adults, we have only ourselves to finally give that certificate to ourselves. We can hide from everyone except ourselves. Personal ethics and code of conduct, therefore, dictates our well being and keeps us away from stress- related feelings such as guilt and anxiety.

We grew up with the principle of “honesty is the best policy”, termed today by many, as utopia and completely un- doable! If we analyze the cynical reaction to this principle, it stems from the opposite belief system that “honesty gets you nowhere.” Preceding this belief system is the gradual lack of transparency and the resulting lack of trust in individuals which has contributed to opacity within families and societies. The concept of sharing has been replaced by “I want more” by a majority. This attitude inevitably leads to gaining through devious methods. In cases where we lose our individual sense of equanimity and justice to accommodate our extra and often unreasonable needs, truth seldom prevails.

Coming back to speaking a lie, we need to understand its other and positive aspect. If telling a lie saves an innocent life, it is justified. If telling a lie achieves the larger good, it is valid. So, it is the intention behind the need to lie that is at the very core of that lie. Unfortunately, we don’t actually have a way of recording the result of each lie within our minds except through a lot of introspection. I believe we have all the answers within us. We just don’t listen to our inner voices because it goes against what we “want” and we are insatiable in our wants. Truth also becomes a casualty due to this.

Today, we need to look at the option of going back to the values and attitudes which can create a peaceful, harmonious and prosperous society and country. While cynics might think this is too naive a view point, I trust the process of change. I see a transparent society based on trust and ethics as a very viable and workable plan of action for future growth.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Nothing Is Impossible

Audrey Hepburn, the beautiful star of Hollywood said, “Nothing is impossible. The word “impossible” itself says,” I’m possible”.

Just reading these words is so uplifting, so energizing. If we can actually internalize these words, we can achieve great heights. Believe me, I have been within the realm of the “impossible” many a time. It has been a lonely and disheartening place. But, when we see fragments around us, we forget that some of them are pieces of a jigsaw puzzle in our lives which needs to be completed. And then there are some fragments which we have to let go of, because they are only there for a while to facilitate our awareness and a deeper understanding of what we require to move ahead.

“Moving ahead” is the catch phrase which should determine our action. This will necessitate pulling out the “possible” from the box of the “impossible”. Motivated and energized people can do this more easily than those who believe in the “impossible”. By doing this, we are actually challenging ourselves and harnessing more energy from the Universe to fulfill our goals, our dreams.

Any lack of self esteem, self confidence or self worth can result in a feeling of inadequacy, leading to a sense of helplessness, diffidence and inability to move ahead. So, the list of items under the “impossible” heading keeps increasing as does the sense of depression and complexes. No one should allow themselves to sink into such a state at all because to emerge from this often becomes a Herculean effort. Instead, a daily cleansing can work wonders in dissipating this kind of negative buildup.

Why is that that we take so much time and effort to create an external personality which is appealing and popular? Are we depleting our inner world by doing this? Are we resorting to a pretentious identity which negates our intrinsic core? Is this what is depleting our core energy, the energy we were born with to lead our lives with the awareness of being connected to our spiritual source? Is it because we have a gnawing need to be assessed and appreciated by others and only then, feel good about ourselves? Is that why societies are filled with intolerance, hatred and crime perpetuated by the dark forces unleashed by people who feel unaccepted, discarded, wronged, victimized?

I think we all need to find answers to this current reality of our lives that seems impossible to alter or reverse. But, I started by suggesting that the impossible can be made possible. I maintain that anything is possible in this Universe. We need awareness, introspection, devise a plan of action and make a determined effort to achieve the set goals. The moot point to remember during the best and worst of times is that it is all up to ME. If I think I can, I WILL. If I think I can’t, I WON’T.

Surekha Kothari

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: http://www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE

I counsel many of my clients about taking charge of their lives. But, at what point does that happen?  How does it happen? Does a bell suddenly ring in the head, like the school bell indicating a change in activity? Or, is there a sudden spark in the brain?

That triggers at the right time can change me drastically is a truth I can’t deny. This can happen to anyone. But life changing triggers can often be compelling and often, passed by because we don’t perceive them as triggers. In the latter case, I will start building up repeated patterns for sure, because I will continue to behave in the same manner and therefore, evidently, attract the same results.

So, what do I mean when I say “take charge of your life”? We are not even aware of the extent to which we live our lives by the standards and expectations of others. Socially, when we indulge in group activities, we conform to a group standard. At home, we are bogged down by many diverse energies amidst which we often lose our own. Even if we were isolated, our own desires and expectations from ourselves and life would invariably strike at our core existence issues.

I understand taking charge of my life, not as doing what I like without consideration for others. I feel when I am in charge of my life, I am able to make conscious choices and take balanced decisions, which would benefit everyone. I take charge of my life at every step during each day.  I also realize that sometimes, I am not able to take charge and I find other people or events have taken charge at that point. The only way I can then take charge is to accept gracefully what I cannot change. That, in my mind, is also taking charge.

  

If we are looking for a formula for taking charge, the route we have to take is through being masters of our thoughts and emotions and understanding that compromises are unavoidable sometimes, and also necessary for our growth. For example, one who loses a tournament is in charge if the attitude is an “accepting with a smile” one. I am in charge if I accept what I cannot change but renew my efforts with a new vigor each time.

Emotions play a very important role in deciding if I am in charge. The moment I internalize negative emotions about anyone or anything, I am no longer in charge because I have allowed my negativity to take away my power. Lost power always translates into a lack of charge.  The moment I create blocks within me, I am no longer in charge of my life. Something or someone has affected me enough to wrest my charge away from me.

We keep passing the buck onto to anyone and everyone. We are reticent about shouldering the responsibility of what, in fact, we create with our reactions and responses. The day we stop blaming our relationships, the events in our life and start thinking of where we exercised the wrong choices, where we preferred short term gains by giving up charge, where we compromised wrongly, why we put ourselves under the control of someone, that will be the first step towards regaining the charge. First, I need to know why and where I lost it. Then I need to have the courage to make changes, however challenging, to retrieve the charge of my life. Finally, I need to embark upon a new plan of action inspired by the core self.

People who have the charge of their lives have a glow on the face, confidence in their eyes and in their stride. They are not fazed by failure, criticism nor are they remotely connected with negativity. They are leaders and teachers. They are path finders. They are on the path of ascension.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

GOD! ARE YOU LISTENING?

Many have often declared stoically that they are atheists. Let them profess to be so in a dire situation or crisis! When push comes to shove and all efforts fail, “someone up there” is there to fall back on. We live in a whirlpool of theories about “God”, that unseen power. Although we believe in the goodness of God, we wage wars “in the name of God”. We think God is light but we are happy to live in the dark: dark thoughts, dark words and equally dark deeds. We think there is an old, wise being “up there” who pours over a big, black book of debits and credits with a view to punishing humans. Quaint but amusing!

We can discuss God “ad nauseum” but the truth is, God can only be experienced as popularly theorized. Those who have absolute faith in prayer and the subtle energies have been privy to such experiences as have people who consider themselves “ordinary” vis-a-vis some others who are “extraordinary”. “God! Are you listening?”

The terms “ordinary” and “extraordinary” are mere perspectives based on perceived success and failure. Just today, I heard someone say, “courage is not the opposite of fear; it is driven by fear”. Similarly, for human beings, God is driven by crisis or disaster of any kind. God is our Disaster Manager. God is one who is expected to become active when humans can’t deal with a serious, even life threatening situation. Or, this is what WE believe. Would you believe me if I said that we all have the qualities of God within us but no intention, awareness, effort or realization? What would you say if I said that if we hadn’t polluted our energies by sullying ourselves in the muddy waters of this transient world, we could actually elevate ourselves to becoming spiritual masters like the Buddha, Lord Rama, Jesus Christ and others? The buck lies with us supported by God’s grace. “God! Are you listening?’’

  

God can be experienced in many ways. The sudden appearance of a stranger on a lonely road who gives you a lift to your home is no coincidence. You are looking for a book in a bookshop but you pick up a completely different book, which has an answer you have been looking for since quite sometime. You are alone and depressed when a friend forces you to go out and you meet someone there who later, becomes your life partner. A long lost friend re enters your life suddenly when you are in abject need of support.

The point is, are we just staring at the signs of the presence of God without understanding or are we actually aware and cognizant of God given help and opportunities?  But simultaneously, we need to make ourselves worthy to attract the godly energy. We need to increase our levels of cleansing and awareness to actually feel God within ourselves constantly; through substantiating God by living exemplary lives of which God, our “parent” energy can be proud. Let us invite God’s grace every living moment. “God! Are you listening?”

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

“MEANINGLESS GOALS”

A farmer had a dog that used to sit by the roadside waiting for vehicles to come around. As soon as one came he would run down the road, barking and trying to overtake it. One day a neighbor asked the farmer “Do you think your dog is ever going to catch a car?” The farmer replied, “That is not what bothers me. What bothers me is what he would do if he ever caught one.”

Many people in life behave like that dog who is pursuing meaningless goals. There is always a personal definition of “meaningless” for each of us. Life has so much to offer that it is often very difficult to make the right choices for ourselves. Sometimes, we may think we have made them, but the resulting experience may ring hollow. So, there is little satisfaction in the whole exercise.

The good news is that this kind of experience helps us search further and this search takes us forward in our journey towards evolution. We need to know what to do, of course, but it is also equally important to understand what not to do.

I see many judgmental people who are looking at the lives of others with a microscope. If we really think about it, do we really know what the components of someone else’s journey are? It is very possible that what we perceive as “meaningless” may be very meaningful in their journey. So, again, “meaningless” becomes a very subjective feeling.

Taking off from the story of the dog, maybe, its journey of chasing cars is exciting. Maybe, it will get tired when it gets tired and then, starts to look for something else which may excite him.

The thought I am attempting to present here is, there is nothing meaningless in life. Everything happens for a reason because everything has a built in lesson for us. Maybe, the owner of the dog should have chased cars to see what lies in that experience.

The learning is, do what your heart tell you. Be happy. Everything works if there is a flow of energy that doesn’t create any blocks. Every breath we take is also an experience because we really don’t know if it going to be our last one.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Need or Want?

Very early in life, we were taught that patience is one of the most coveted qualities and is a part of learned behavior. I have learnt that it is in proportion with our needs and their fulfillment. The law of demand and supply is directly proportionate to our levels of patience. It is a need of a baby to be fed instantaneously when it is hungry. These are called “demand feeds” because patience is an unknown word to the little baby. But as age advances, the natural needs change into wants, a scenario where patience AND ethics take a back seat many a time. 

“I can’t wait “is a common phrase heard everywhere, whether it pertains to a simple need like “needing” to go for a movie, or, a more compelling one like “needing” to become a multi millionaire. Both are wants, not needs. At some point, most of us start using the words “want” and “need “ as synonyms, though they are far from being synonyms. “I “want” this because it is my “need”, is a common place feeling. Our mind cannot separate the two because our needs become wants over a period of time. What we want is not necessarily what we need. Our needs are basic to our survival while on this earth, whereas our wants are inspired by a desire for excesses, extras, and greed for “just a little more”. The latter are imbalances of ego driven insecurities and desires within us. When our wants start multiplying, it means we are indulging ourselves and craving for more than what is needed to sustain us through life.

When it is a question of wanting, we are like instant coffee. Everything must be achieved NOW. I used to teach vocal music to a few students who wanted to perform after doing four or five classes when we had practiced for years to reach a common minimum standard. It is understandable that getting an endorsement or approval from others is great feeling. But those who have their goal defined and the determination and perseverance to achieve it with patience are more likely to have the depth of knowledge to be successful. Patience is a long path to amazing rewards. “Too much too soon” does not define wisdom. I guess, the satisfaction of a need is its own reward but the satisfaction of a want breeds more and more “wanting” to which the satiation levels are not well defined or guaranteed.

At the same time, we also need to ask ourselves how much we need in order to be happy. Not much really! If we didn’t seek our identities in the eyes of other people, we would lead a much more stress free life and also be satisfied with what we have. Our “wants” are perhaps more for social recognition than anything else. Many of us have more than we need and some have much more than they will ever need.

Philosophers and Thinkers have always emphasized the concept of “simple living and high thinking” for a good reason. The more we get involved with comparisons of material gains and walk into the race for “one upmanship”, the more our wants increase, gradually becoming out of control. The imbalance thus caused shifts the focus from what we are here to achieve as spiritual beings to illusory gains in a temporary world, a world which we are actually just passing through in our journey. For a very short lived satisfaction, therefore, are we digressing from our evolutionary path?

The time for introspection is now.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Living in the Past

Memoirs are what memories create. Some happiness, some tears, some agony. As we grow older, we seem to start dwelling on the past very naturally. I always used to wonder why the older generation talks so much about their past. I guess, when we are younger, there is so much to look forward to. Our energy levels are high and life seems to stretch in front of our line of vision as having many goals to look forward to. Towards the evening of our lives, a saturation point is reached for many people. Some others retire from their workplace because they have to. Some pass on their work to the next generation. Some opt to resign and take life easy after many years of hard work.

For all of these people, there seem to be many experiences in the past to talk about. There is a lot of learning there for those who listen. But, to handle a phase of inactivity or less activity can get very difficult as well. Not everyone can accept this phase graciously.

Our sense of self esteem depends hugely on how occupied we are, and, more important, how this places us in the eyes of the world. When our identity comes from the approval of others, anonymity can be very unsettling. If life can be viewed as a series of phases, it would be easier to accept changes, both within ourselves and the external set of circumstances.

What is really the issue here is that there is little to look forward to. There are no new goals for many. Actually, the world has opened up so many opportunities that we can learn something new every day. Recently, I saw a computer class with seventy year old individuals and I was thrilled! When so many new vistas open up the Mind, and we have the child within us alive and motivated enough to keep learning, the present and future become so exciting that the past ceases to be a compulsive memory and remains dormant within us , to be brought up at will when lessons from it need to be remembered.

The productive use of each present moment is the key to living rather than existing on past memories just because we don’t see anything before us that would adorn our present and future.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

ARE YOU LISTENING?

“I hear you” is a very common phrase. But is that enough? The counter question would be, “but are you listening?” Have you noticed that very often, when we are talking to someone, their eyes are somewhere else and their minds are visibly wandering? I have often stopped midway in my sentence and felt really foolish to realize that I am talking to myself. It is as if I have been addressing a wall all the while.

I wonder if people are aware of their actions at such times. Where are those simple people who genuinely care and share love, empathy and compassion only because that is vital to the quality of a human being?

The cacophony of sounds caused by our own screaming desires is probably sufficient to tune out any external voices. The complexities of our wants and the imbalances of our emotions are greatly responsible for our inability to rise above ourselves to focus on someone whose life can be transformed just by listening and understanding, by lending not only our ears but also our hearts to them. Only then does one actually start to “listen” to others with concern for them.

We tend to “hear” voices like we hear car horns and dogs barking on the streets, without paying attention to them. But when we claim we are “listening”, there has to be a focus, attention and caring.

Many of us are guilty of not listening to even our own near and dear ones who may not say exactly what is topical or relevant according to our perspective but to them, it may be vital. Today, we love to talk about Corporate Social Responsibility projects. We speak of being prominent social workers. But, it is the small acts of listening, understanding and kindness that fetch us big brownie points in the eyes of the Almighty.

There is no joy in living just for oneself. That was not the Grand Plan. So, the next time someone speaks to us, let us not just “hear”. Let us listen!

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

OPTIMIZING OUR TALENTS

There is some God given talent in all of us. Some have been endowed with more than one. As children, we exhibit a definite aptitude for particular subjects. Going forward, however, these talents could lie dormant because of our own inability to crystallize and optimize them. Often, we don’t take them seriously enough and sometimes, we follow the pattern of specialization that is expected from us rather than that which we believe to be our calling.

It is important to realize that out of all the talents we possess, there is that one special talent backed by an extra zeal and passion that ultimately translates into our career path. For multi talented people, it does become a problem to make a choice between equal talents. Following the heart balanced by a practical mind would be a good way to solve this issue.

In any case, talent has to be honed by education and focus on the goal or goals we set for ourselves. Just having an extraordinary talent is not enough. Unless we are child prodigies, the way forward is to be a few steps ahead of our aspirations, both in academic and technical knowledge.

For example, to be a performing musician, one has to learn voice culture, the entire grammar of a “raga” and then practice for years to master the art.  An inherent talent only helps in grasping a subject quickly while a passion for it sustains the focus and determination to excel.

Specialization opens up several windows of   opportunities. Talents must, therefore, be optimized through learning. Otherwise, they will fade away gradually. There has to be sustained effort to keep them alive and functioning to maximize our potential.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

THE QUALITY OF LIFE

I am the only one who can create the quality of my life. It is MY thoughts, MY belief systems, MY preferences, MY emotions, MY wants and cravings, MY ego, MY mind, MY level of wisdom, MY tolerance levels MY responses to relationships and events, MY ability to achieve, my benchmarks… in fact, every thought, emotion, action and the results thereof are mine.

I want to achieve phenomenal amount of success, fame and power so that people recognize me and my family looks up to me, loves and respects me. I think that this is the recipe for happiness. I think that this will improve the quality of my life because I can buy the latest gadgets, attract people through my wealth and feel a sense of abundance. Yes, I can totally achieve material abundance if I am karmically due for that success.

What I have not realized is that I need to introspect on the means I have used, the mental and emotional devices I have used to achieve worldly success. What I need to know is how much that success has been built on pillars of truth, honesty and integrity, love and spirituality. It is this that actually develops our quality of life.

The energy that is generated by a daily spiritual approach to life is unmatched by any success where the moral and spiritual strength depletes gradually. If my actions have distanced my family and friends, replaced genuine respect with mere lip service and silenced my inner conscience for ever, I am actually, slowly and steadily, caved myself in within the impenetrable walls of my own isolation. Somewhere along the way, I have disconnected my connection with my Divine source. Not only that, after all my desperate struggle to rise in the eyes of myself and those around me, I have managed to do exactly the opposite.

I should have taken into account the well being of my soul above everything else. I should have seen to the welfare of those connected with me while I was working with frenzy towards my own achievements. I should have painted on a larger canvas instead of succumbing to myopia. I should have internalized the transient nature of this world and what karmic lessons I am here to learn. I should have known that the only yardstick of a high quality of life is how I feel at the end of the day, how high my happiness quotient is and how true I have been to myself so that I can sleep with a smile on my face and peace in my heart.

Just as hugging a child is pure joy, embracing a life based on the adherence to spiritual values elevates our quality of life to a point where every breath is a prayer to the Divine energy within.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com