Idealistic

Make your life easy. We all have feet of clay and tend to give vent to our anger and frustrations. And in doing so, we may let words slip out that in calmer moments, we would not.

What amazes me is that apologizing when you ARE wrong should come easily if the conscience is active. But it does not. What is active is the ego and we cave in, and become slaves to our ego. There are cases when hurts pile up between two people over a period of time.

Actually, so much pile up is unhealthy. Often, one is a dominant defaulter and the other keeps quiet until one day, something gives way and the conflict acquires large dimensions.  And sometimes, it us because none is willing to extinguish igniting fires.

It is always better to voice your feelings the very first time you feel someone has wronged you. If you keep silent for whatever reasons, the damage to relationships gets unnecessarily worse. It is definitely not worth it. I find the closer the relationship, the more the intensity of hurt. People call me too idealistic but honestly, whatever the nature of the relationship, never stop stating your truth gently and firmly so the next time, people will be careful. 

And try to be simple, without drama and conflict. Ultimately, YOU and only you are responsible for how you feel and why. The entire onus of your life is yours and no one can make even a dent in you without your permission.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Glorification

Why did existence plant us in this world? Have you ever thought about it? Why did it plan that everything and everyone should be connected?

We were placed in different slots of affluence, work fields, and relationships to create a wholesome world in the image of the Divine. And when we led such lives, we exonerated ourselves and knew we were following the path laid out by the universe for ALL of us.

But what did some of us do? We started feathering our own nests, monopolizing resources given to us as gifts from the universe, indulging in   self-glorification and paying little heed to the ones who were less fortunate in many significant ways.

So, are we responsible for the world as it is today? If anyone says “no”, please think, reflect and internalize the values we have completely forgotten.

Surekha Kothari

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Lack of Awareness

Do you know what is most essential in life? It is gratitude to existence. We are completely unaware of who we are and where we belong. We are like rudderless ships in the dark night without this knowledge.

The system inherent in the universe works on certain universal values for souls who have been relegated to live on the earth for a few years.

The representation of nurturing humans has been given to parents. You know the story of Lord Ganesha and his brother Kartik? Lord Shiva asked the two to travel round the universe and the one who reached first would be the winner.  Kartik raced around the universe as fast as he could. When he reached home, Ganesha was already there. When asked, Ganesha replied that he had gone around his parents because THEY were his universe. This was the status of parents.

This constant connection to the divine rules was necessary to live through life with peace, harmony and lessons learnt.

The question papers had been given out by the universe for each one of us separately according to our plan for this life. But what did we do? We changed the question paper itself with our limited sense. And the world became full of conflicts, fear and man against man.

We don’t need fanaticism, criticism and fear. We need to understand that we are isolated in our journeys and the heart should be loving, compassionate and kind towards others who seem to be worse off, to help them and uplift them if possible. Crutches are not desirable though human support is a gift to us.

What we are doing is pulling people down to climb up the slippery slopes of an illusory hill. Utter ignorance and lack of awareness. 

Also, let us not forget that to pull people down you have to be below them. Are you content to live in that space? If not, then uplifting yourself is the only answer.

Surekha Kothari

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Generosity

 Generosity in people is a rare trait. Their smiles don’t come from the heart. Praise is even less forthcoming.

I have always wondered what smiling at and praising someone takes away from us. Anything? Nothing.

If we can only find ourselves comfortable and confident, both the traits are very natural and very human.

Yes, low self-esteem and feeling inadequate may be partially or wholly responsible!

There is no option but to examine these feelings and learn to overcome them. Because they are only perceptions that the world has gifted us . We don’t want or deserve such gifts. Instead, there are gifts we can give ourselves, like a high self, a right value system and confidence to stand alone if need be, within the light of truth .

Stay within your own light. And if there is darkness in any areas, dispel it and replace it with light.

Surekha Kothari

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Equanimity

When we have to face a heavy karma, all crutches are taken away from us and we are left alone to experience it. No one listens and no one understands at such times. These must be taken as tests. When we go for an exam, who writes the paper with us?

I don’t know why we feel entitled all the time! The universe decides what we deserve and when.

The ego energy is quite useless here. In fact, it causes more suffering by reacting negatively to our experiences. It compounds the issue on hand.

Wise people accept these with grace and equanimity. Others suffer!

Surekha Kothari

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Storm

I was in the eye of the storm. It was raging within me and around me. I was getting swept off! Desperately trying to hold on to something, I was also trying to find out where its source was and how to control it.

Behold! I realized it was in the “l” of the storm within me.

That’s life. We look outside for what is inside! And keep crying that we can’t find it.  Everyone’s story!

Surekha Kothari

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Ego

 Ego play between two people is the foul play of the mind. When there is hurt, it is always the ego that is hurt. We are far above this world of conflict. It is just drama created by the ego and we fall into its trap.

When we discuss the reasons for that hurt with a non-involved person, they don’t think it is a big deal. Because they are watching from outside.

The perfect learning IS to watch from outside and see it will appear very small and not worth destroying relationships for.

Surekha Kothari

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Relationships

Words can destroy relationships. Choose them wisely and economically. Wherever you absolutely need them, use them carefully. Otherwise silence is your best bet.

Wars have started with small indiscretions.  Misunderstandings have piled to a point of no return in relationships. .

It is always about “I”, “me” and “mine”.

The mind is the creative director of our heaven and hell on this earth and we happily give in.

Is conflict the essential nature of man? Or the ego insatiable about drawing blood from relationships?

Keep the company of spiritual texts instead of meaningless waste of time with non-essentials for the soul.  Life is very short.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Respect

It is amazing how limited and clouded a mind we walk around with. The more comfort there is around us, the less we are inclined to notice that clouded aspect of us.

How do we live with this heavy burden of our feelings of likes / dislikes, our jealousies and hatreds, our desire to wound people we dislike and at the same time, craving to be loved by everyone?  Does this also become a part of our comfort levels where we revel in such activities and derive a vicarious pleasure? Because the two are so contradictory and, impossible if I may say so.

The clouds that cover our mind will not let clarity enter. In the absence of clarity, we are unable to look through the opacity of those clouds and into our real selves.

That’s why we must avoid thoughts and emotions which are not crystal clear and pure. For this to happen, we need to love and respect ourselves first.

Self-respect should prevent any action by us that makes us fall in our own self estimation and from the grace within us if we have not forgotten the truth of who we are.

When people look at our goodness and righteousness, they also respect us because such people are rare and therefore, respect worthy.  Why then would we stoop down to levels where we don’t respect ourselves?

Maybe, we have had to struggle. Maybe, we have had to let go of memories of hurt, betrayal and more. But in all of this, if we have been able to stand upright as tall as the tree that faced several storms, our value as a human being would multiply manifold. To ourselves and to others.

And that is where we need to be to access the divine frequency.

Surekha Kothari

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Elevation

 It is so easy to give up on relationships! Without any thought, anyone who may have different perceptions and will state them becomes a persona non grata.

Gone is the time when opinions were welcomed. In fact, they were invited. People knew they could broaden their own perspectives by listening to others.  And they were humble enough to acknowledge that they could always learn more than they knew.

Today, people think only their perspectives, however narrow, are the only right ones.

This is not how growth happens. This is the perfect “frog in the well” syndrome where we may think we are kings but only within the limited periphery of the well.

To widen our horizons, it is necessary to come out of the dark well to see and experience what we never knew even existed, while in the well.

This need has been camouflaged to a large extent by superficial comfort levels. So, this is where we will spend the rest of our lives without ever witnessing our own elevation.

Surekha Kothari

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Karmic Cycle

 When we go through periods when nothing goes right for us and in fact, everything we try to do goes wrong, that is the time to lie low and understand that this shall pass. We could have stepped into a karmic cycle for a while. An astrologer would call it mal effects of certain planets. And we tend to either get impatient or go under.

This is the time to know there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Give yourself that hope and help others improve their coping mechanism.

No one can experience anyone else’s karma but a sincere moral support goes a long way to mitigate the dark phase and see a light of hope.

This is a big service to mankind.

Surekha Kothari

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Foolishness

 Your experiences should not make you a heavy person. Taking things in your stride preserves your personal health AND your sense of humor about life. Think of everyone as just playing roles here. Including yourself. To joke about yourself then becomes easier. Don’t take even yourself seriously.

You know why? Because everything passes. And WE too are passing.

Just think of how many times our body has changed since childhood. What changes has to pass.

When our clothes are in tatters, we have to buy new ones. So, one body passes and we get another. Within this reality, if we start clinging to everything and everyone, how does it help? In fact, it is the recipe for great suffering. And meaningless suffering.

So WHO clings? It is not ME but my EGO which clings to the worldly identity and refuses to let go. It also causes tremendous turbulence if we let it.

So folks, watch your experiences from far. As if you are watching a film. Laugh or cry with it but only while they are unfolding. Carrying them with you into your present and future is sheer foolishness. Please don’t indulge in it. Think about it!

Surekha Kothari

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Boundaries

I have realized that living life on your own terms needs wisdom and a lot of letting go! You end up disappointing many expectations, many people for whom you are a crutch in many different ways. But without wearing our blinkers, our perceptions lose focus. And we owe that focus to ourselves for our lives.

Boundaries become an essential part of your plan for your own journey.

But, those who have similar energies will always understand you. And will be thoughtful around you and respectful of your journey.

You win some and you lose some. But most importantly, you never lose yourself in this journey from beginning to the end of this life.

Of course, the journey soul of the soul is not confined to this one life only. As they say in Hindi “picture abhi baaki hai “.

Aham brahmasmi we rise like waves and settle back into the ocean, all the while permanently living within that endless ocean of existence, consciousness and bliss.

Surekha Kothari

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Peace

 There is so much freedom and peace in doing the right thing and not expecting a return. You reach there after plenty of heartburn though! But once you reach there, you look back and have a hearty laugh at yourself for being so silly as to expect what you THOUGHT you would get in return.

Humans are so changeable, at least, a lot of them. There are exceptions and those are so meaningful to us. And you are lucky if you have even one of that rare kind around you.

So, knowing this, it becomes easier to be civil to everyone, even help wherever and whenever you can, and feel happy you are in a position to make someone’s life easier and better.

Peace is not so difficult to achieve, after all.

Surekha Kothari

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Comfort Zone

 Ideally, we should gravitate towards people and experiences that will teach us and help us grow and evolve. But idealistic situations often remain just that: an ideal. They require a complete turn around from the superficial to the meaningful. They require sacrificing comfort for elevation. Yes, the two cannot go together.

If you stay on land and dream of conquering mountains, well there is no tax on dreaming but that is all it will be an unrealized dream.

Living in and around comfort zones is more for the weak hearted. And I don’t necessarily refer to climbing mountains here. I mean shaking yourself out of anything you find yourself settling into on a long term basis. At least, going beyond it once in a while, gaining new experiences and then maybe, returning to that comfort zone for a while.

I know the world is not always an easy place but it was never meant to be ! It is up to you to gain and lose according to who you are and what you can become or want to become or not!

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Destructive

“Letting go” is more a philosophical statement than a genuine attempt for most people. Sounds wise on the lips. But without any meaning if not practiced. The phrase is not meant to be just spoken about.

These are all personal practices for ourselves. We live in a family, in a community where there WILL be a wear and tear of emotions and feelings and even reactions in the name of being “human”. But instead of harboring the adversely affecting emotions, can we let go of them immediately as they arise? Knowing that they are harmful to us and no one else? Or do we come under the category of “self-destructive”?

Actually, we have a tendency to get into conflict, retaliate, get hurt, shun people and ultimately, lose relationships. And ironically, we are the ones who have suffered on that emotional see saw without seeing any change whatsoever in the people we have conflicted with, except blame for us.

The question I always ask myself is: would I carry a burning coal in my hands just because someone gave it to me? Obviously NOT!

But in many ways, we ARE carrying grouses within us, which are like carrying burning coals, which come from others because we don’t have the wisdom to LET GO. We are unable to focus on what is good for our mental health and peace of mind. And therein lies our core of restlessness and frustration.

When maturity finally dawns, we are able to laugh at ourselves at our earlier foolishness. And we automatically start to let go of the unnecessary burdens we carry.

Learning to discard and delete does not have to be learnt from AI. We have our own super intelligence we could use if we lessened our dependence on the opinions of others and delved into our own common sense department within our intelligence bank.

Surekha Kothari

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Sense of Detachment

 Have you reached a state of being when you don’t want to engage with people? Nor explain yourself, period! Nor want to be a part of a madding crowd that speaks of nothing and everything. And you feel an inner silence enveloping you combined with a strange sense of detachment of what is happening outside of you. That abuse from those who have some grouses is just amusing!

Well, I wish you all that this year will bring you to this state of calm and peace. Our journey is inward. Or should be if it isn’t as yet.

Surekha Kothari

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Emotional Crisis

LOSS is the most intense of feelings and the emotions attached to it are heart rending. It does not have to be through death only. It can be the breakup of very valuable relationships. Or the severance of a part of the body even. Emotional crisis can be equally painful.

How to DEAL with loss! When suddenly, its memory triggers when we are trying to cope with life. We live with it.

One of the biggest loss is when you lose yourself in the midst of facing rejection, indifference and marginalization. Others can make you feel that you are a zero when YOU have accepted that you ARE a zero.

We deal with this from time to time. Some see light after a while but some can sink into a massive loss of self-esteem, see only darkness everywhere and CAN end their lives.

I have realized that birth here is definitely to learn plenty of lessons but apart from that, has also an implication of a certain demotion due to our karmic actions. That’s why we are here, without knowing the vastness of who we are, and working with our petty selves, judging, conflicting, hurting, killing and so on.

 

 

And that is also why very few consciously expand their awareness and their own consciousness and live in their little ponds of comfort.

They prefer to fail and fail in the same class rather than work hard to seek promotion. Because they are used to it. It is a known place.

After all, what is this life if also not a school? What we end up learning in one lifetime is a question we must ask ourselves.

Surekha Kothari

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Sense of Humility

Holding space for someone else is the ultimate act of kindness. There is always a danger to end up strengthening your ego by attaching yourself to tags. Like kind, spiritual, helpful etc. Are we cultivating a sense of humility or are we talking about it to everyone willing to listen, and also with an attempt to impress? That is EGO attachment. And culminating in arrogance very often.

There are people who are quietly philanthropic. You never know how silently they act. These are genuine souls who don’t seek praise.

Life is all about carving out who we want to be at the end of the day.

Surekha Kothari

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Privilege

There are moments of grief and moments of happiness for all souls. When we feel good, we want to hold that space forever. But often, it is only as steady as a house of cards. Until the next event arrives with its challenges.

Hopefully, instead of making our minds like a yoyo, we learn to learn to modify our thoughts and reactive patterns.

Personally, I have learnt that the position of an observer is the best. Let everything happen outside of you, observe, analyze and let go of what can be damaging, if internalized.

Maintaining the inner calm and peace against all odds makes you a role model. Because you have followed the ultimate teaching of being a “drashta”, an observer. Very difficult but a totally liberating learning, if achieved.

Having said this, humans are flawed. It is not easy to develop lofty ideals overnight. We are creatures of habit and the body of our thoughts has been trained to think and act as per our comfort level. The concepts of right and wrong have been diluted because that would mean overhauling your internal system and doing that is exhausting for most.

Within this context, wisdom is to streamline your life, retaining the people around who care and lend to each other’s happiness quotient as much as possible to counteract the oppressing circumstances that we all inevitably have to face as our karma keeps unfolding and throws challenges at us constantly.

This is HOPE and this is LIGHT. And this is the privilege and power to ascend.

Surekha Kothari

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Perspective

Gradually, over a period of time, you lose the stars in your eyes that you had when you were younger, and you acquire a more realistic perspective.

The mother of all perspectives is one that says, anything directed towards you is not FOR you. Any negativity thrown at us only speaks of how much work is required to be done by the people who would like to decorate us with their negativity on themselves.

Wisdom comes with a lot of intense pain, from experiences, conducive to growth or challenges to be met while remaining true to your own personality.

Justifying negatives, yours or someone else’s is like sinking your feet deeper into a quagmire.

Be like the sun which is constant even behind clouds. It does not diminish its light under any circumstances. It does not react to clouds covering it.

When sense dawns, everything superficial fades away. And what is left is the essence of us, our souls!

Surekha Kothari

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Impenetrable

All hurts, unhappiness and grief in relationships are there for all humans to be challenged with. Sometimes, the darkness around us is impenetrable! Or so we think at the time we are going through it.

But our survival mode is stronger than we think or know. The craving to live is the need of the soul because each soul has come for a purpose which needs completion. And this has little to do directly with relationships.

There are souls who lose heart and end their lives. There are others who leave the world through tragic accidents. They leave unfulfilled karma behind which will probably follow them in the next life.

There is so much we don’t know! Ironically though, often, we don’t even conform to what we know. There is no end to mental conflicts in such cases.

Somehow, the fragility of life eludes us most of the time. We only feel it when we see death. And this too seldom lasts long. As i said, the craving to live supersedes all and HOPE is what makes us all tick.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Protection

I think this is the journey of many souls who have gone out with joy to help and connect and found themselves just “used”. I know no one gets “used” without their own permission. But it takes time for the givers to realize that they have been used. The reasons could be many, like love and caring, giving generously or then wanting something in return.

Ultimately, as we grow in years, our experiences either rejuvenate us or exhaust us. And in the latter, we are so debilitated in our energy that we prefer withdrawing contact from those who have been energy vampires in our lives. That also becomes a form of self-protection and healing.

Surekha Kothari

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Honesty and Humility

In being steadfast with someone, can we, should we mete out injustice to someone else? We are so focused on our personal likes and dislikes that we show our dislike through pettiness and being unfair. There is a middle ground. Sure, being steadfast is a wonderful trait. Everyone has a community of people they conform to, and are loyal to them. The middle ground is to maintain distance without actively acting against those who are not a part of your community but are around you. There is no need to pile on negative karma. We talk so much of karma. All this IS a part of your karma. Worse, when we disrespect those who have given us love and nurturing.

Can we awaken our conscience enough to understand what WE are doing wrong? And who are really your community that you may have discarded out of your own ignorance. The tendency for outward blame might stop and reflecting on oneself may begin a new sense of self-worth, based on honesty and humility. This would be more endearing a space, isn’t it? Let us not forget that just as eating sweets is a happy experience until it lands you with diabetes, some people who appear as sweet may not always have your best intentions at heart.

So it would be wise not to judge people by their external mannerisms, nor get swayed by the opinions of those around us. We must learn to develop our own sense of intuition if we want to become discerning of this need to be with the right people.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Inflicted

Sometimes, intense grief can become like a warm blanket under which you want to hide from the world, not wanting to risk the speculation it might bring and the privacy it might challenge. Not everyone wants to shout out their stories aloud to the world. Or be talked about ad nauseum.

Ultimately, it is YOU for yourself, with yourself and more important, BY yourself. And you have to learn to live WITH this person that is you. And work to like what you see in you.

Before you hide under that blanket, though, do realize that everyone is hiding under their own blankets behind their social persona. And why not? Everyone is facing the onslaught of karma and trying to cope as well as possible.

I really want to say again and again. Be kind. Understand people even if you can see they are flawed and not doing the right thing. Realize that you are flawed too and coping in a similar manner.

Where then is the point of conflict? It seems so redundant to point fingers outwards when we are facing similar hassles? It has never made any sense to me to nurse self-inflicted wounds until they become a disease.

Cleanse, let go and observe experiences as karma unfolding. Everything will make sense then. It IS you, all the way. None else! And the other souls around you were meant to be there until their roles got over.

Surekha Kothari

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