Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 December 2024
Monday, 4 March 2024
Relationships
A line once again caught my
attention. “Those who feel lonely with age, have not strengthened their
relationships when they were younger”. I have this habit of tearing apart every
saying in terms of, not words but actual experiences. And I find many sayings a
little on the superficial side.
I have seen karma at work. For
some, it is heavy. Relationships are all karmic. If your lot is in learning
through being isolated, that’s what your lot will be. Despite being loving and
caring, relationships will mostly go wrong. No one to blame! It is just what it
is. Sometimes, building relationships can be like pulling teeth. You can get
more misunderstood than understood! No answers come forth despite one hundred “why’s.
It is just meant to be so.
People will counsel you left,
right and centre, that you don’t have “the art” of sustaining relationships.
Maybe, everyone is not need based. Maybe, love runs deeper than superficial
demonstrations to make others feel good so that they may like you….
The one sustaining relationship I
have discovered, is with myself. Until I have that, I will feel a void, a
loneliness and try to make others complete me. A futile exercise! No one can
complete anyone else.
So, let’s try and isolate, if
required, to become our own friends. That will work like a miracle has
happened! You have to experience that state. But you have to reach it first.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Thursday, 17 June 2021
Monday, 10 May 2021
Thursday, 29 April 2021
Lack of consideration
I think the human species is accelerating the pace of its own destruction. We have gone a little out of our minds due to the virus induced compulsory house arrest and restrictions imposed on us. The frenzy is totally unbelievable!
Europe is under lockdown.
International Borders are soon going to shut down, we are told. All the kith
and kin, separated family members are not going to be able to travel to their
families.
Every mindless gathering is
infecting several people, young and old. Yet, weddings with hundreds of guests
are being allowed by hotels. Beaches are full. Why not? Rules are merely on
paper. Who implements them?
The worst thing is the complete
lack of consideration for others around us... the fact that WE, because of our
stupidity and lack of control, are risking the lives of so many, family and
friends.
No one is happy with the
situation but does it help to run amuck? Imagine the loneliness of single
senior citizens who have no recourse to any company and are still living more intelligently!
This inability to live with ourselves is going to spell doom if we don’t watch
out. Maybe, the virus has come in the form of “pralaya” which is the beginning
of the end. We had better reform drastically and quickly or take the
consequences.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Tuesday, 27 April 2021
Wednesday, 9 December 2020
Friday, 20 November 2020
Principles of life
We don’t have to worry about how others see
us. We do need to be aware of what we are doing with our understanding of life
and people. With a great deal of the pain involved in unlearning and relearning
the principles of life that work for us, we also learn to break stereotypes.
We try to create mathematical equations in
relationships and roles. But, they can’t be as precise as “if it’s Tuesday, it
must be Belgium”. The bonds must be felt from within. No more, no less is this
truth. Yes, there is pain when love and caring are not understood and not
reciprocated in the same way. But, the bottom line is to feel that bond and
retain it. Even if people don’t give you time, your love must be intact. Just
bless and let it go. If it comes back to you, it is a bonus. Otherwise, we are
alone anyway. How does it matter as long as we follow a path of goodness?
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Monday, 12 October 2020
Parental expectations
Let a child be a child. Parental
expectations from a child are often very unrealistic. Parents know it is their
responsibility to bring up a wholesome individual. Only, they don’t always get
it right.
Let us not get too critical of parents
though, because ultimately, they will only act according to their circumstances
and what they know to be the best decision at that moment. But, what we don’t
ponder on is what our peers have claimed, that “buddhi karmanusarini”, that is,
your karma determines your intellect.
Every child develops a perspective and that
may shape future relationships. For example, two middle class parents working
to make ends meet to make a comfortable life for their child might end up with
a child who grows up with a minus mother, minus father image and perspective
merely because the parents were not physically present because they were at
work no one’s fault. Yet, there arises conflict, disappointments, resentments
and all of that.
In life, perhaps, we just need to
understand each other as much as possible and even beyond. Because, Can anyone
live anyone’s journey? Can anyone judge anyone’s journey? Then what is left is
love and understanding. This energy can only spread cheer and good will.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Friday, 9 October 2020
Harmony
Every word that we speak has energy. It is therefore,
wise to measure our words. I am sure everyone has heard that spoken words have
a way of manifesting because, often, the intensity of emotions accompanies
them. If you WILL something with intensity, it does happen.
We have stories of sages cursing and those
curses coming true. That was word power accompanied by intention.
Harmony in speech takes the conflict out of
words and creates a positive environment, and amicable relationships.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Thursday, 3 September 2020
Relationships
Some relationships end with a lot of
bitterness. There is always blame in such cases, Very often, failing to
communicate often, failing to understand. Also, karmic parting sometimes as
they say, “not meant to be”. And each time, there is anger and pain worse
still, the inability to forgive.
All through these years, I have felt that
the hardest thing to do is to forgive. Because there is a lot of anger, a lot
of resentment and an equal amount of pain, even agony. And we so wallow in it
and us so blame the other for it that we lose the rational quality within us.
It is always good to give time, even if our
paths are different, and after that space is given and taken, talk things over
to clear the air. Because feelings had been strong earlier, it would be best to
seek an amicable closure from both sides. This way, you retain some good will
towards each other. Why not be at peace?
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Tuesday, 14 May 2019
The Truth of life
The problem with us humans is that we have
become so pretentious and insincere that we fail to recognize sincerity or
genuineness when we see it.
Some memories of old relationships exist in
all our hearts, I am sure. And if they are valuable, we tend to go back in time
to connect with the same people. Only to find that, in some cases, there is
either a lot of rancor or they have moved on.
Those that have really moved on will be
civil or even friendly. But those that have kept grouses for years will be
sometimes offensive and sometimes, avoid you.
In the larger perspective, any soul that
has a meaning or has had a meaning in your life is definitely a part of your
soul group that promised to be a part of your life. What fails is our inability
to see that people might be distanced but the love remains, often in the form
of anger or hate because what they wanted did not happen.
That is the truth of life. Destiny plays a
large role and people get separated because of many reasons, mainly past lives
and past karma. But in our anger, we don't see the larger canvas. If we did, we
would reinstate people in our lives more consciously and willingly.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Tuesday, 5 February 2019
Compatibilities
I have been discussing with my group about
how marriages fall apart "suddenly" after 25 years and more. And I do
believe that nothing happens suddenly. It is generally a long road fraught with
many incompatibilities and underlying stress which is not spoken about by one
or the other spouse to keep the peace in the house. One, big reason!
I think that under the obvious pattern of
bitterness and blame lies a need for understanding why the distancing happens.
We don't even know when and how it starts; with a minor argument escalating
into a minor war or small misunderstandings or a lack of friendship. Too much
tendency to control; not enough respect? Trying to change each other; each
trying to prevail over the other? Or simply not the marrying kind but forced to
marry to please parents.
I feel a little disgusted when I hear
parents telling their son to go ahead and be a man. In short, have a good time
as long as you return to your wife. I asked one such mother, “suppose the woman
you encouraged your son to philander with was YOUR daughter? The answer was so
predictable. Aha! As long as it is not your daughter; doesn’t matter that the
other girls are also someone's daughters.
I know it is an old fashioned concept in
the promiscuous society today. What I mean is, it is the moms who actually
encourage their sons into these habits many a time.
But, coming back to breaking relationships,
the now terribly obsolete theory of marriages surviving because of kids binding
their parents together is more or less nonexistent.
Such sentiments have gone, never to return.
Trying to put parents together is a counselor’s job. And going to a therapist
is a social stigma, not to be spoken about. Many times, the husband doesn't
think HE needs it. Exactly like he doesn't want to see a doctor when they only
have daughters because it is always the woman's fault that it is so yet; one
more reason for a marriage in trouble.
And many of the reasons I have mentioned
create a chain and relationships fray and fray and fray, until something just
snaps one day. We call it "sudden" but is it really so sudden?
This is exactly like saying cancer happened
overnight. No. It just showed up as a body manifestation overnight. It was
building up for years like the lava of an active volcano.
Much introspection needed. Much conscious
thought needed. Much maturity and intelligence needed.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Sunday, 25 November 2018
Self criticism
I have realized that in the name of close
relationships, we give compassion but forget to reserve some of it for
ourselves. And when that happens, what comes to us is criticism. Criticism from
others turns into self criticism and soon, you start feeling you are not good
enough. You allow people to do this to you. Because the more you give, the more
they take and the more you get taken for granted.
Someone said to me that you must be more
clinical in life instead of going overboard for anyone. I would have argued a
few years ago. Today, I see the wisdom of the statement.
Be calm, clinical and clever; the 3 c's
which must rule relationships today.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
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