I have to hand
it to some people. They are so “holier than thou” and so self-righteous, I
don’t know if I should laugh or cry. And honesty? Wow! They truly excel at it. They
are so eager to tell you everything that is wrong with you and about you. Be it
men or women, dare you feel bad about anything on your own and deprive people
of their little piece of vicarious pleasure while they make comments and
indulge in “free” advice! For example,
put on weight, folks, but wait for the “honest” opinions about the bulk you
have added on to come in before you actually begin to feel low. “You have
really put on weight”, they say with such a straight face!Familiarity? No.
Anything but that! This comes from people who are mere acquaintances but feel
they have the birth right to comment on you freely, to watch your reactions and
have a laugh at your expense.. Of course, if this doesn’t kill you with
frustration, guilt or anger, it will only end up making you strong enough to
make a “tongue in cheek” retort. Instead of turning the other cheek in true
“martyr” style.
As children,
when we were taught manners, we were told we must never ask a woman her age and
a man how much he earns. It was not “graceful” or polite to do so. I think it
definitely had something to do with being sensitive to the feelings of others.
But as we grew up, other areas of life started coming within the purview of
“grace” if its connotation is sensitivity to others.
Actually, it
struck me some time ago that we are very self-absorbed and not very sporting (unless
we are watching cricket or tennis on the television) and therefore, putting
others down makes us feel somewhat superior. What a pathetic way to feel so!
But do we care? It is all about making “me” feel good, however
temporarily. Tragically, I have seen
people hiding huge skeletons in their emotional cupboards by targeting the
weaknesses and misfortunes of others. There is seldom any remorse or introspection
because the alternate prospect of facing their true selves is frightening.
We all have
opinions about each other but the wise speak with care and non-judgmentally.
Familiarity implies caring and compassion, not the right to say anything you
like to anyone and every one. Whether the bonds are thin or thick, gracelessness
is always gracelessness under any garb and any circumstances. It only
demonstrates the negative persona of the one who practices it.
I have noticed
that if there is no grace at home, there isn’t any outside either. As they say,
charity begins at home and this applies to everything. Habits are formed early
in life. Grace, consideration, politeness, respect are a part of learned behavior.
So, either it is taught, learned by observation or the hard way, through
experience.
I think it is very
essential to remember not to “cross the line” in any relationship to preserve
its sanctity while we focus on thinking, speaking and acting as we would like
others to do unto us.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
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