Exhaustion

There is a consistent pattern of intolerance in families that seems to be so inconsistent with the theory that love develops when you spend your young life together. You share, you care, you fight and make up easily, have elders watching you and looking out for you until we learn to look out for each other. How can we cut such cords of relationships that were no fluke? They were pre-ordained for a reason.

One of the worst emotions we end up harboring is resentment. This is a very debilitating emotion which speaks of hurts becoming wounds over an escalation of small issues becoming large over time.

It is like carrying home the image of the villain from a movie you have seen and not recognizing that it was just a character played for a while. In real life also, this is true. We act out of reaction, impulse, complexes but continue to judge such episodes of interaction when the very same people are so much more than their superficial action. AND they change according to their learning.

I cannot repeat enough times that our exhaustion does not come from gym too hard. It comes from the excess baggage of our emotions, of messed up relationships that we carry on our back which we refuse to let go. We trap our own energy and complain of exhaustion! When we ourselves are responsible.

Many people argue that they are fine, in fact, relieved that connections have been severed. Remember They are not healed though. And unhealed versions of humans walking this earth are unhappy people. We must unlearn resentment, relearn how to love again if we want healing.

Surekha Kothari

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Gratitude

We use the word “healing” all the time. But heal what exactly? Delving deeper into our unhealed areas is not easy. Sometimes, quite scary even. The mind has ways of camouflaging what can turn out to be very painful realizations about oneself.

But having said that, do we have a choice? Catharsis is the most effective recipe for happiness. Like we clean our homes to feel good, so, is it so difficult to see unclean parts of our inner world? 

How else will we heal?

And who CAN heal us but ourselves? A doctor can only advise, but the work has to be done by us.

And healing oneself is not really difficult if we can list out what needs to heal. And why. Generally, what works brilliantly well is gratitude, forgiveness and letting go of every yesterday on a daily basis. Wake up to a new day as if it were your first day and work through the day as if it were your last. It will be a paradise gained!

Surekha Kothari

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Instability

Isn’t it strange that we ourselves spoil relationships based on our temporary instability on account of our egos? And when time lapses and sense dawns, we begin to understand our own mistakes and wish things could have been different. By that time, often, distances have crept in and people have moved on, keeping the memories and hurts intact.

Who did it help ultimately?

A stitch in time saves nine. Perhaps, we left this wisdom back in school. Surekha Kothari

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Profound Experience

 Sometimes I think we are very limited. Imagine! If Krishna came to you in disguise, would you recognize him? But you know what? Your soul which IS Krishna HAS come to you as you and you don’t recognize him in you.

This is the biggest tragedy of a human being. My guru said to me once, look at every being with the same respect that you have for me. Which means recognize ME in everyone.

But is it that simple. We live within so many likes and dislikes, blame, without realizing that this is not what we should be doing at all. 

We have muted the Krishna within us. When he shines within us, we integrate with all creation. We feel that we are whole, like him.

However, this is to be experienced. And the path to such a profound experience is through much turmoil, loneliness and ultimate surrender.

Surekha Kothari

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Path of Non-Resistance

Whatever you resist becomes stronger. Letting it happen, accepting it, looking at it like a specimen in a laboratory and letting it go. This is the path of non-resistance. 

For example, your thoughts. They come in thousands and oppress you. Why? Because you don’t WANT them. You fight them, avoid them. In doing this, you are giving them more energy with that extra attention.

What does meditation teach us? To watch the thoughts come and go. To let go of them without internalizing them. Soon, they will reduce and keep reducing with regular practice.

Eventually, such a mind is clear and devoid of distractions. This is also called going with the flow without disturbing it. Some rich dividends accrue with such an attitude to life.

Surekha Kothari

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Spiritual Growth

 If you can separate the ego from the self, your spiritual growth is ensured.

Any hurt, any wound, any anger issues can be attributed to the ego, the “ahankara” within. The self remains untarnished. It is the observer, the non-involved party.

Of course, this is not at all easy, like eating a piece of chocolate. It is nothing less than a complete melt down of all belief systems and all illusions built by the ego. It may feel almost like a rebirth and becoming a new person.

I always point out to myself, that when people use their hearts instead of the ego, the outcome is rich and rewarding to the person who uses love. Love finds a happy niche within us even if it is not reciprocated because the heart is the path to the divine energy.

Look around the world today and see fear ruling everywhere. Not love. The ego can only generate more fear. And where there is the rule of fear, love finds it difficult to step in.

This is for each of us to reflect on. Surely, we don’t want fear in our lives. Then, why have we learnt to live with this mind of compromise?

Surekha Kothari

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RISE in love

Most of us are in love with the idea of love. I have a terrific blind spot when the phrase “falling in love” is voiced.

We need to “RISE in love”.

Love is a commitment to YOURSELF. It is not an emotion that is given away easily and withdrawn as easily. 

Our knowledge of anyone is initially at best, superficial. Maybe, better in the years to come. But yet, never complete because everyone changes and keeps changing, including us. The same person you knew and developed feelings for is not that person today and will not be tomorrow. And this applies to you and all of us as well.

Then how does a relationship survive? On this very understanding. On acceptance of that change. On loving the actual person WITH this constant change.

We must understand that each one of us has different reactions to the same episode. And our psyche keeps changing differently.

Depth comes into a relationship only in time and with indulging the idiosyncrasies of each other and smiling at them. Becoming each other’s best friends.

Provided we give it enough time for a real friendship to develop.

Surekha Kothari

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