PONDERINGS

As I turn the pages of my book of life, I remember the bitter sweet experiences that make me who I am today and waiting to become a "better" and "better" me as time goes by. I know this will happen with a constant vigil and awareness. The meaning of each extra day in my life has become amplified as I move into the phase of the setting sun, knowing that this is just a perception and life is eternal. I was, am and always will be.

The strange thing is that what I felt with so much intensity in the earlier phases have transformed from emotional baggage to learning. I feel blessed that this has happened. Rancour has no place within me. 

I realize that guilt for mistakes made is merely a sign of ignorance because mistakes are only perceptions of past results. Storing guilt, resentment or any emotional baggage connected with the past would be indicative of the fact that I have not moved on. More so, I also may have managed to color my psyche with some amount of pollution of thought and emotion which, in future, will definitely harm me. Is it worth it?

As I hear story after story of my clients lives, I understand why I became a healer. I had some karmic lessons to learn. Agony and pain remain intact until the dawn of awareness and with it, some relief from a super fragile ego that blinds us to the pain of others and focuses on the self only. The perception of "mine" and "thine" implies attachment to people, events and experiences. I don’t relish those feelings anymore because somewhere, deep down, I am left with a sense of loneliness I have brought upon myself with my myopic attitude. So, I must grow and grow further until I peel off every layer of pollution that I don't need in my life. Thus, I move from darkness into light.

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

“MEANINGLESS GOALS”

A farmer had a dog that used to sit by the roadside waiting for vehicles to come around. As soon as one came he would run down the road, barking and trying to overtake it. One day a neighbor asked the farmer “Do you think your dog is ever going to catch a car?” The farmer replied, “That is not what bothers me. What bothers me is what he would do if he ever caught one.”

Many people in life behave like that dog who is pursuing meaningless goals. There is always a personal definition of “meaningless” for each of us. Life has so much to offer that it is often very difficult to make the right choices for ourselves. Sometimes, we may think we have made them, but the resulting experience may ring hollow. So, there is little satisfaction in the whole exercise.

The good news is that this kind of experience helps us search further and this search takes us forward in our journey towards evolution. We need to know what to do, of course, but it is also equally important to understand what not to do.

I see many judgmental people who are looking at the lives of others with a microscope. If we really think about it, do we really know what the components of someone else’s journey are? It is very possible that what we perceive as “meaningless” may be very meaningful in their journey. So, again, “meaningless” becomes a very subjective feeling.

Taking off from the story of the dog, maybe, its journey of chasing cars is exciting. Maybe, it will get tired when it gets tired and then, starts to look for something else which may excite him.

The thought I am attempting to present here is, there is nothing meaningless in life. Everything happens for a reason because everything has a built in lesson for us. Maybe, the owner of the dog should have chased cars to see what lies in that experience.

The learning is, do what your heart tell you. Be happy. Everything works if there is a flow of energy that doesn’t create any blocks. Every breath we take is also an experience because we really don’t know if it going to be our last one.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Need or Want?

Very early in life, we were taught that patience is one of the most coveted qualities and is a part of learned behavior. I have learnt that it is in proportion with our needs and their fulfillment. The law of demand and supply is directly proportionate to our levels of patience. It is a need of a baby to be fed instantaneously when it is hungry. These are called “demand feeds” because patience is an unknown word to the little baby. But as age advances, the natural needs change into wants, a scenario where patience AND ethics take a back seat many a time. 

“I can’t wait “is a common phrase heard everywhere, whether it pertains to a simple need like “needing” to go for a movie, or, a more compelling one like “needing” to become a multi millionaire. Both are wants, not needs. At some point, most of us start using the words “want” and “need “ as synonyms, though they are far from being synonyms. “I “want” this because it is my “need”, is a common place feeling. Our mind cannot separate the two because our needs become wants over a period of time. What we want is not necessarily what we need. Our needs are basic to our survival while on this earth, whereas our wants are inspired by a desire for excesses, extras, and greed for “just a little more”. The latter are imbalances of ego driven insecurities and desires within us. When our wants start multiplying, it means we are indulging ourselves and craving for more than what is needed to sustain us through life.

When it is a question of wanting, we are like instant coffee. Everything must be achieved NOW. I used to teach vocal music to a few students who wanted to perform after doing four or five classes when we had practiced for years to reach a common minimum standard. It is understandable that getting an endorsement or approval from others is great feeling. But those who have their goal defined and the determination and perseverance to achieve it with patience are more likely to have the depth of knowledge to be successful. Patience is a long path to amazing rewards. “Too much too soon” does not define wisdom. I guess, the satisfaction of a need is its own reward but the satisfaction of a want breeds more and more “wanting” to which the satiation levels are not well defined or guaranteed.

At the same time, we also need to ask ourselves how much we need in order to be happy. Not much really! If we didn’t seek our identities in the eyes of other people, we would lead a much more stress free life and also be satisfied with what we have. Our “wants” are perhaps more for social recognition than anything else. Many of us have more than we need and some have much more than they will ever need.

Philosophers and Thinkers have always emphasized the concept of “simple living and high thinking” for a good reason. The more we get involved with comparisons of material gains and walk into the race for “one upmanship”, the more our wants increase, gradually becoming out of control. The imbalance thus caused shifts the focus from what we are here to achieve as spiritual beings to illusory gains in a temporary world, a world which we are actually just passing through in our journey. For a very short lived satisfaction, therefore, are we digressing from our evolutionary path?

The time for introspection is now.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Living in the Past

Memoirs are what memories create. Some happiness, some tears, some agony. As we grow older, we seem to start dwelling on the past very naturally. I always used to wonder why the older generation talks so much about their past. I guess, when we are younger, there is so much to look forward to. Our energy levels are high and life seems to stretch in front of our line of vision as having many goals to look forward to. Towards the evening of our lives, a saturation point is reached for many people. Some others retire from their workplace because they have to. Some pass on their work to the next generation. Some opt to resign and take life easy after many years of hard work.

For all of these people, there seem to be many experiences in the past to talk about. There is a lot of learning there for those who listen. But, to handle a phase of inactivity or less activity can get very difficult as well. Not everyone can accept this phase graciously.

Our sense of self esteem depends hugely on how occupied we are, and, more important, how this places us in the eyes of the world. When our identity comes from the approval of others, anonymity can be very unsettling. If life can be viewed as a series of phases, it would be easier to accept changes, both within ourselves and the external set of circumstances.

What is really the issue here is that there is little to look forward to. There are no new goals for many. Actually, the world has opened up so many opportunities that we can learn something new every day. Recently, I saw a computer class with seventy year old individuals and I was thrilled! When so many new vistas open up the Mind, and we have the child within us alive and motivated enough to keep learning, the present and future become so exciting that the past ceases to be a compulsive memory and remains dormant within us , to be brought up at will when lessons from it need to be remembered.

The productive use of each present moment is the key to living rather than existing on past memories just because we don’t see anything before us that would adorn our present and future.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

ARE YOU LISTENING?

“I hear you” is a very common phrase. But is that enough? The counter question would be, “but are you listening?” Have you noticed that very often, when we are talking to someone, their eyes are somewhere else and their minds are visibly wandering? I have often stopped midway in my sentence and felt really foolish to realize that I am talking to myself. It is as if I have been addressing a wall all the while.

I wonder if people are aware of their actions at such times. Where are those simple people who genuinely care and share love, empathy and compassion only because that is vital to the quality of a human being?

The cacophony of sounds caused by our own screaming desires is probably sufficient to tune out any external voices. The complexities of our wants and the imbalances of our emotions are greatly responsible for our inability to rise above ourselves to focus on someone whose life can be transformed just by listening and understanding, by lending not only our ears but also our hearts to them. Only then does one actually start to “listen” to others with concern for them.

We tend to “hear” voices like we hear car horns and dogs barking on the streets, without paying attention to them. But when we claim we are “listening”, there has to be a focus, attention and caring.

Many of us are guilty of not listening to even our own near and dear ones who may not say exactly what is topical or relevant according to our perspective but to them, it may be vital. Today, we love to talk about Corporate Social Responsibility projects. We speak of being prominent social workers. But, it is the small acts of listening, understanding and kindness that fetch us big brownie points in the eyes of the Almighty.

There is no joy in living just for oneself. That was not the Grand Plan. So, the next time someone speaks to us, let us not just “hear”. Let us listen!

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

OPTIMIZING OUR TALENTS

There is some God given talent in all of us. Some have been endowed with more than one. As children, we exhibit a definite aptitude for particular subjects. Going forward, however, these talents could lie dormant because of our own inability to crystallize and optimize them. Often, we don’t take them seriously enough and sometimes, we follow the pattern of specialization that is expected from us rather than that which we believe to be our calling.

It is important to realize that out of all the talents we possess, there is that one special talent backed by an extra zeal and passion that ultimately translates into our career path. For multi talented people, it does become a problem to make a choice between equal talents. Following the heart balanced by a practical mind would be a good way to solve this issue.

In any case, talent has to be honed by education and focus on the goal or goals we set for ourselves. Just having an extraordinary talent is not enough. Unless we are child prodigies, the way forward is to be a few steps ahead of our aspirations, both in academic and technical knowledge.

For example, to be a performing musician, one has to learn voice culture, the entire grammar of a “raga” and then practice for years to master the art.  An inherent talent only helps in grasping a subject quickly while a passion for it sustains the focus and determination to excel.

Specialization opens up several windows of   opportunities. Talents must, therefore, be optimized through learning. Otherwise, they will fade away gradually. There has to be sustained effort to keep them alive and functioning to maximize our potential.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Phase out your life

Just as a play or movie unfolds scene by scene, so, too, life unfolds in phases. The students of today will qualify as adult, working members of society tomorrow. What we are today will shape our next phase. It is, therefore, very important to know what our “dharma’ or body of duties is during the student stage.

In the old Vedic times, when the “Guru Shishya Parampara” existed, students were taught everything that a youngster needed to know by way of   social, economic and political knowledge, along with the etiquette of living within a family and social system, behavioral patterns, and, above all, respect and love for all. The Guru’s “Ashram” was a complete school. As a result, the student moved into the next phase of householder and earning member of the family naturally and easily. This was possible because every student conformed to a well balanced, comprehensive and wholesome system of teaching imparted by the Guru or teacher with utmost honesty and sincerity. The system was also designed to integrate and connect people as individuals, families and societies so that a common value system of mutual love and respect created a peaceful and harmonious environment and a working atmosphere of mutual  trust. The honing of emotional intelligence through understanding, acceptance and sacrifice based on compassion became the common foundation of all human behavior.

Today, those values are not taught in educational institutions. The accent is more on material success. We need to bring back our timeless but fast disappearing rich culture and traditions which we have not been able to transfer to our succeeding generations. This is where our uniqueness lies, however modern we become in other ways.

Surekha Kothari

http://www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

ACCOUNTABILITY

India is suddenly waking up to this word. Accountability in politics has become one of the most burning issues today. But accountability is or shall I say, should be an all pervasive word and in every walk of life. Not only is it at the core of free will, it is also relevant at the macro and micro levels of all existence. It defines freedom as meaningful only in the context of accountability. It is the benchmark of harmony in the hierarchy of relationships. It denotes a system of checks and balances in families and societies, and therefore, logically starting at the micro levels, the individuals. Accountability is a discipline which can sustain peace and prosperity of every unit in a country and ensure a continued and constructive growth of the nation.

Thus, we have a child accountable to parents, family members accountable to each other, individuals to society, societies to their regions, all the regions to each other, the judiciary to its conscience and the people and the government to its people. This doesn’t mean that the creativity of people will be curbed. This merely means that within the framework of what is good and applicable to all, individual growth can and will be ensured.

What is important to note is that accountability incorporates many attitudes automatically.

The first one is acceptance of all, however different they may appear to be, knowing that the soul within has the same source.

The second one is respect for all, conceding that everything and everyone in Creation has a place and is not superfluous.

The third is the knowledge that everything grows only when given space. We are therefore, accountable for the space we are required to give ourselves and others.

The fourth is the accountability of our thoughts, words and actions. All these three should be tempered with love and acceptance, and with respect.

The fifth and as important is the aspect of responsibility which goes hand in hand with commitment: responsibility towards commitment towards the well being of oneself while ensuring that of others.

Today, India is clamoring for the return of this quality of accountability because this has been previously experienced in this great country more than in any other, despite the constant attempts to bring in a state of anarchy inspired by the greed of self seeking groups who have forgotten the days of nationalistic spirit and sacrifices by proud Indian citizens. Their solidarity against so many odds was actually instrumental in giving “Bharat” its freedom. In accountability and responsibility lies freedom for one and all.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

THE TRAVAILS OF LOVE

Over the years, in my experiences as a healer, I have seen many facets of love in people which demonstrate an acute need and therefore, a lack of this valuable emotion. Love is a prime energy which connects everything in creation. But we see fear rule people much more than love, and it is a fact that love cannot survive where there is fear. The converse is also true. Love and fear cannot co exist. There is a deep contradiction in the minds of human beings where, on one side, they want love and on the other side, they tend to mutilate it with their expectations.

There is a category of people who aspire to be loved through serving others, hoping that this will find approval in the eyes of those they serve and some love may come their way. There is another category of people who want love badly but who will actually turn people away from themselves by pretending that they don’t need anyone in their lives. Such people are very vulnerable from within and need to be taken care of. A third category of people is the demanding kind. They want love in the form of attention and can become quite obsessive.

One has to examine the womb reality and often, past lives to identify the root cause of why people are this way. The truth is that the intrinsic quality of the soul is love and that it doesn’t have to come from external sources at all. The soul, by virtue of being a spark of the Divine Energy, is abundant in love which actually multiplies when given out. But humans don’t trust and therefore, doubt everything and everyone. The Universe protects us provided we are in sync with it and live by its laws.

Love is its own reward. We love because it is our nature to love, not as a condition that the love is returned to us. Unconditional love is connected to our inner fountain of happiness and joy: the joy of giving with love.

I see many controls happening in the name of love. There seem to be unwritten rules in a close knit group which curtail the freedom to love those outside the group. Or, even if some do, they are not willing to show it. In families, too, there are divisive forces arising out of insecurities which find their roots in the inability to understand the actual nature of love.

As a healer, I know that if love becomes a need or even an obsession, the energy of the seeker goes out to the giver and debilitates the one who needs it and asks for it, while the giver becomes stronger. The precondition of a healthy Heart Chakra is the ability to love while keeping our personal space intact. When we feel depleted of energy, we tend to look for it outside ourselves when we should actually be tapping it within ourselves and also retrieving it from those who we have given it away to. Unlike a vessel getting steadily empty as we use its contents, the more we share love as a Divine Energy without expecting a return, the more love seems to fill us. This is an eternal fountain for those who experience the feeling. It is a transformational experience which words cannot describe or achieve.

Our lives are so colored by our desires, ego, biases and negativities arising out of a deep seated ignorance and a lack of awareness that unless these are removed, we may not be able to experience the simplicity and beauty of life and will continue to live in dark zones.

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

THE QUALITY OF LIFE

I am the only one who can create the quality of my life. It is MY thoughts, MY belief systems, MY preferences, MY emotions, MY wants and cravings, MY ego, MY mind, MY level of wisdom, MY tolerance levels MY responses to relationships and events, MY ability to achieve, my benchmarks… in fact, every thought, emotion, action and the results thereof are mine.

I want to achieve phenomenal amount of success, fame and power so that people recognize me and my family looks up to me, loves and respects me. I think that this is the recipe for happiness. I think that this will improve the quality of my life because I can buy the latest gadgets, attract people through my wealth and feel a sense of abundance. Yes, I can totally achieve material abundance if I am karmically due for that success.

What I have not realized is that I need to introspect on the means I have used, the mental and emotional devices I have used to achieve worldly success. What I need to know is how much that success has been built on pillars of truth, honesty and integrity, love and spirituality. It is this that actually develops our quality of life.

The energy that is generated by a daily spiritual approach to life is unmatched by any success where the moral and spiritual strength depletes gradually. If my actions have distanced my family and friends, replaced genuine respect with mere lip service and silenced my inner conscience for ever, I am actually, slowly and steadily, caved myself in within the impenetrable walls of my own isolation. Somewhere along the way, I have disconnected my connection with my Divine source. Not only that, after all my desperate struggle to rise in the eyes of myself and those around me, I have managed to do exactly the opposite.

I should have taken into account the well being of my soul above everything else. I should have seen to the welfare of those connected with me while I was working with frenzy towards my own achievements. I should have painted on a larger canvas instead of succumbing to myopia. I should have internalized the transient nature of this world and what karmic lessons I am here to learn. I should have known that the only yardstick of a high quality of life is how I feel at the end of the day, how high my happiness quotient is and how true I have been to myself so that I can sleep with a smile on my face and peace in my heart.

Just as hugging a child is pure joy, embracing a life based on the adherence to spiritual values elevates our quality of life to a point where every breath is a prayer to the Divine energy within.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

“Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do”

The Bible is a wonderful text and conforms in many ways to the way of life that other religions also advocate. Forgiveness is the most cleansing experience for those who may practice it genuinely and with utmost sincerity. It is also the most difficult.

As long as there are human beings with the power of freedom of choice, there will always be a need for forgiveness. Why do I say this? I say this because every person constantly acts, reacts or responds to circumstances and to the people involved in those circumstances with the power of free will. Free will indicates choices made out of the feelings and intentions of that moment, which determine the final outcome of these incidents. There may be times when, between people, an innocent remark or action may inspire a very vehement and unpleasant reaction. Conversely, sometimes, a deliberate action may be taken intentionally, to hurt someone either in retaliation of out of a sense of hatred or prejudice.

Small incidents surrounded by negative reactions can have a huge build up over a period of time. Deliberate negative actions harm not only the doer but the receiver also, although it weighs heavier in the karmic book of the doer. There is no remission from karmic repercussions, except through genuine repentance and forgiveness.

The question then is, what about actions done unwittingly and out of ignorance? Do they need to be forgiven, too? I would imagine that the answer would be a “yes”, because there are lessons of awareness to be learnt here. We must necessarily elevate ourselves to higher levels of awareness of thought, word and action when it concerns others around us. Pure intentions are very difficult to conjure up when there is pollution of thought about a person, whereas, it is the purity of intention that makes an action positive. Therefore, first, we must question ourselves about our intentions and drop any action inspired by any negative emotion such as anger, hurt, envy etc. This is the first step to start building our awareness levels.

We have all experienced that, often, we do things innocently and unintentionally to find ourselves overwhelmed by completely unexpected reactions from the opposite person. The most important issue here is, do we register the recognition of the hurt we have caused unintentionally? If so, then forgiveness definitely becomes a necessity. All the blocks of energy within us and others need to be cleansed immediately to prevent a buildup of meaningless and unhealthy baggage.

Accidents are apt examples of unintentional but harmful action. Here is a story taken from the Internet.

In 2011, Patricia Machin lost her husband when he set out to buy the morning paper. Gerrard Machin was doing what he always did, but this time would not return home. Patricia sensed something was wrong and   went to look for him. She was greeted by the sight of an ambulance and blood on the ground. Her husband had been struck down by a driver.

The driver Brian Williamson, was extremely distressed over having hit Gerrard Machin. Patricia Machin, though, felt no anger toward the driver. She knew that the horrible accident had not been intentional, and she harbored no ill will toward Williamson. The sincerity of her forgiveness shone through in a letter she wrote to Williamson that was to be used in his defense. In that letter she wrote, “However bad it was for me, I realize it was 1,000 times worse for you.”

Forgiveness is the most beautiful cleansing experience, especially when it is done from both sides. It is recognition of a mistake made and also of the fact that it must be forgiven.  Many would not agree because , either they are aggressive in their low self esteem, or their past baggage sits too heavily on them and their wounds and scars run very deep. Breach of trust, betrayals, attempts to ruin careers, an unnatural death of loved ones is unforgivable where the immediate demand is for justice. In such cases, even a suggestion to forgive brings forth a very intense and adverse reaction. This is completely understandable on one level.

However, on the soul level, lessons for forgiveness often come cloaked in apparent tragedies like the story I have mentioned here. It is very hard to rise above the attachment for our loved ones to show compassion to someone who has been instrumental in harming our loved ones. It is very difficult to perceive these episodes as the work of destiny. Yet, that is the only plausible, though unpalatable explanation.

I do believe that forgiveness is not complete unless it is done to oneself and received from others we may have harmed. The exercise of daily cleansing and forgiving oneself and others would be wonderful in ensuring mental health and consequently, in destroying the very desire for intentionally hurting anyone. We always look for brownie points from the people around us. I recommend that we start experiencing them in the good that happens to us. The reward comes from the Divine, not necessarily from the people we expect it to come from.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

ABOUT MINDSETS

Do you get stuck with the same thought? Are you able to change your thinking on issues which you have fixed views on? Can you think differently from your family and friends? Do you introspect on your belief system to see if you are on the right track?

I am sure none of us can underplay the role of conditioning in our lives. It is the most subtle form of creating mindsets. And I say this because there is little awareness of what we build up inside us over a period of time. We believe our parents out of respect and adopt their thinking patterns. Peer pressure can fix our mind like nothing else can! The need to belong is greater than the possible outcome of invoking anger, sanctions and disapproval resulting from being an independent thinker and “daring” to be different.

Mindsets can be little or huge, though, in my book, each of these are to be examined under a microscope before their worth is proven. What is or SHOULD be unacceptable are those which have been ingrained within us from external sources. ..Some may be compatible and others may not be…I will explain.

Every human being is an individual soul, a unique soul, here on its own journey, with its own “karmic” connections and the freedom of choices. We are here for the EXPERIENCE of being human beings and to learn the lessons we came to learn. Along our journey, we are aided by other souls in the form of family, friends and even those we call enemies. By the very fact that we journey alone under varied environments and situations, how can the solutions for one be a solution for all?

But, along the same journey, we do tend to, unwittingly and without realizing, pick up many beliefs of others which may hinder us in accomplishing our soul purpose. The simple argument against doing this is , “I am not anyone else.  So, I will have to live by my choices and not necessarily the ones which are recommended by others.”

So, to  become an accomplished ,  independent thinker, I may have to unlearn some of the learning  from my past young and immature days. I might have to resist the rigidities of others being foisted on me. Of course, I may be frowned upon if I try to deviate from old set patterns established over the years but I have to tolerate this if I want to carry on with my own journey and not get side-tracked into attaching myself onto someone else’s journey.

Why do I say this? Haven’t you seen that with change and evolution, the truth and validity of beliefs and principles also change?  There are glaring examples everywhere. For example, look at the clothes women are wearing with great comfort today; the older generations would have balked at the very thought! In fact, with modernization comes a pattern of thinking and living unknown to man a few years earlier. This is what we call evolution from phase to phase.

What is noteworthy however, and the point I am trying to make is that, we are able to change our outer selves. But the MINDSETS seem to go on forever! We are not interested in coming out of the boxes we have sunk comfortably into. I don’t have a quarrel with mindsets if they become so after they are introspected on and found to be viable and conducive to our growth. Those then become beacons to follow.

My target is only those mindsets which have been adopted without rational thinking and based on what OTHERS think about how you should think and behave. This line of thought generally incorporates many prejudices, biases and such imbalances which warp the psyche. The resulting actions then would obviously be other – oriented, too and maybe, and not necessarily growth – oriented.

Whether it is religion, or family feuds, “family” patterns and mindsets, personal likes and dislikes, or fear of social sanction , wise people recommend a fair assessment and introspection of thoughts before forming opinions which , when confirmed again and again either by ourselves or by others as the gospel truth, tend to become mindsets. And we continue to live by them permanently, and ironically, in a constantly changing world.

We can be like a flowing river which collects pebbles, sand, weeds etc. along the journey, but unwaveringly, makes new pathways to skirt the obstacles which block it, to reach the ocean and merge with it. Mindsets are the blocks and shifting perspectives to accommodate change are new pathways to reach and merge with Divinity.

Why would we settle for anything less?

Surekha Kothari