I AM OK, YOU ARE OK

This title of the famous book by Thomas A. Harris has always impressed me in the implications inherent in the title. It has a wealth of meaning. Really, if we can be “ok”, everything around us will be “ok”. I have noticed that whenever I am disturbed, I am restless and this restlessness communicates itself to those around me through my expressions, my altered behavior and the slipping mask I put on for the world. Since negativity attracts negativity, not only do I attract inquiring stares but also wariness and even a distancing from people. That, in turn, makes me more miserable. And so it goes on until I break the cycle with introspection and correction of my negative mindset and the reasons the mindset was formed. This requires a huge amount of digging of skeletons within and is not easy.

The “awareness” stage does dawn a shade more easily than the “acceptance” stage. I definitely may have a problem but am I willing to accept that I have one? After all, it is so much more comfortable to live in denial and pretend everything is normal. How, then, would it be possible to even look for a solution?

See how we become our own enemies? All our lives, we search for the wisdom that is in our backyard, as it were. We just don’t want to visit it because it is an effort to clean it up. Window dressing is much easier than cleaning up the mess behind the window, a detrimental attitude.

The crux of the problem lies in the externalization of the mind and its involvement in the daily actions and reactions which occupy much of the space in the mind and time during the day. So, if at all, we have a fixed time in minutes and occasionally, a few hours to perform rituals and even less to seek spiritual knowledge through reading, imbibing and practicing spiritual laws.

Is it necessary to be everywhere socially when your own house may be “on fire”, so to speak? Is it so important to be recognized and be in the Newspapers and on the Television Screen at the cost of the self being gradually demolished? Is endorsement from people more important than self endorsement? All these questions are vital to the happiness quotient which is sorely missing today in the rat race for more name, more fame and more money.

I say this with conviction that if the responsibility of the soul plan is taken on by each individual, it has the power to transform the individual and the surrounding environment. The one factor that needs to be maneuvered with wisdom and understanding is our ego, the root of all attachments , prejudices, wrong thinking patterns , colored behavior and all the outcomes thereof. Coupled with these is the ignorance of who we are and with what purpose we have come into this world.

Spiritual texts have averred that enlightenment is a constant removal of the many layers of ignorance that we live with. There is much unlearning, learning and re learning to be done. Above all the belief systems propagated by different religions, there is common fiber running through all Creation that connects or should connect all Creation. That common link is the Divine Energy which we must recognize and which should then be able to result in celebrating the unity in diversity. Just this thought that we are all connected should work as a good starting point for tolerance and wise action.

As I tell all my clients, if we can actually muster up our humility and introspective abilities, and hone our behavioral patterns based on the new learning, the change will be felt within and through the response of people around. But to become “gold”, one will have to go through the “fire” of life with increasing self knowledge and its implementation.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Knots and Crosses

Since childhood, one of my most favorite games has been “Naughts and Crosses”. The challenge of getting three crosses or three zeros together in a row to win just never wore off and continues to excite me even today. While playing recently, it suddenly struck me how similar this game was to life.

How we love to tie ourselves up in knots, and the result is that we come to “naught”! When I looked up the Dictionary meaning of “naught”, the words “nothing”, “lost”, “ruined”, “worthless”, “useless”, “immoral”, “wicked” and phrases like “come to nothing”, “be without results”, “fail”, “regard as of no importance” and “disdain” sprang up at me. I always knew that a game is a character building exercise because it teaches us to be a good loser and a humble winner; humble, because the next time, we could lose.

The next word “crosses” turned out to be equally meaningful. The cross is one of the most ancient human symbols, and symbolizes the union of the concepts of divinity through the vertical line, and the world through the horizontal line. The symbolism of Jesus being crucified is deeply rooted in his purity and spirituality as a living embodiment of the perfect meeting of divinity and humanity.

The entire journey of the human soul to reach the meeting point of the two lines can be defined as “life”. The crosses we have to bear during our journey are the deflections from our path which happen due to our own narrow vision, due also to the lack of soul knowledge and the purpose of our journey. The “I” identity which is given to us to heal our negative files from many lives becomes blurred between worldly pleasures and the Divine Plan. Like the game, we start with a challenge but often get confused with where to place the crosses and where to work with the stillness in the “nothingness” of the “naughts”.

Now, I have made a game out of every game I play. I look for lessons for life in every move and this has shifted my consciousness onto a much larger plane. Everything and every moment in our lives have learning if we choose to learn with an open mind.

Simplicity, love and letting go are enough to untie the knots we put around us by surface reactions inspired by our ego. Let us learn to look beyond the facade of temporary reactions to discover the intrinsic worth of a human being. This will automatically lessen the crosses of small and large misunderstandings, wounds and scars of the perceptions of betrayals or wrong doings and keep us lighter and emotionally stronger to walk through life with a smile.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: http://www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

PERFECT IMPERFECT

Indeed, we all would like to be perfect if we knew what it means. What is it like to be perfect? Ms. Or Mr. Perfect, will you please stand up and be acknowledged and applauded? I am still searching for answers to questions like this one. I have some thoughts, though, which I am sharing here.

All the time, we are told that the Divine is perfect and humans need to rise to that level.

“Perfect” is, to me, at best, a very subjective concept. Are geniuses perfect? Are International Celebrities perfect? Is a Nobel Prize or Pulitzer prizewinner perfect? Don’t they have several imperfect moments?

Then comes the basic question, am I perfect?

Immediately, I am going to get into a comparative mode to determine where this elusive word called “perfection” fits the bill. For example, when we go to an Art Gallery to see the painting of well-known artists, we suddenly stop near the one, which impresses us, and can’t help saying, “this is perfect”. In whose eyes is it perfect? According to your aesthetics, it is not lacking in anything. Therefore, it is perfect. But someone else in the room can declare the painting you don’t like at all as perfect. So, is there a common benchmark that defines perfection?

Magazines often conduct a poll about the ten or twenty most beautiful women in the world. Have they gone into remote interiors to see how many beautiful women live unrecognized? So, they are actually limiting themselves to those women who have become popular and successful.  Are they then, really the acme of perfection?

People eulogize about film stars and ape them all their lives, wanting to become like them. Do these people see perfection in them? Or, do they feel that if they succeeded in becoming like them, they would not need to strive for anything else? This is the vision of a perfect life they carry with them.

So, if we think about it, we are actually acknowledging moments of perfection in others as we see them, such as a brilliant performance, an arresting painting, an impressive talk which touches the heart, a little child which spells perfection to a mother, and so on.

So, if perfection is only comparative, is it only to be recognized in others? Are moments of perfection not visible in our own lives? It could be the simplest moments but as valuable, such as, when we cook a perfect dish or make a perfect cup of coffee. We don’t really need to world to recognize our moments of perfection. They are for our eyes only, for our hearts only.

The one pillar that all perfection rests on is that of contentment in being who we are. To people, I might be mediocre but if I am perfect for myself, what tags people shower me with do not matter. I am perfectly aware even in my imperfections that my journey of life will teach me to be my own yardstick, my own benchmark in everything I think and do. I know that I have a lot of work to do. I just need to be aware of the laws of the Universe and work towards my goals without impinging on others while recognizing that they are also on their own journey. 

Therefore, I am, like others, the perfect imperfect who is striving for my kind of perfection that makes me unique and perfect in the way I understand my journey. For, only I can do that.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com                

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

http://www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

IN THE NAME OF FAMILIARITY

I have to hand it to some people. They are so “holier than thou” and so self-righteous, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. And honesty? Wow! They truly excel at it. They are so eager to tell you everything that is wrong with you and about you. Be it men or women, dare you feel bad about anything on your own and deprive people of their little piece of vicarious pleasure while they make comments and indulge in “free” advice!  For example, put on weight, folks, but wait for the “honest” opinions about the bulk you have added on to come in before you actually begin to feel low. “You have really put on weight”, they say with such a straight face!Familiarity? No. Anything but that! This comes from people who are mere acquaintances but feel they have the birth right to comment on you freely, to watch your reactions and have a laugh at your expense.. Of course, if this doesn’t kill you with frustration, guilt or anger, it will only end up making you strong enough to make a “tongue in cheek” retort. Instead of turning the other cheek in true “martyr” style.

As children, when we were taught manners, we were told we must never ask a woman her age and a man how much he earns. It was not “graceful” or polite to do so. I think it definitely had something to do with being sensitive to the feelings of others. But as we grew up, other areas of life started coming within the purview of “grace” if its connotation is sensitivity to others.

Actually, it struck me some time ago that we are very self-absorbed and not very sporting (unless we are watching cricket or tennis on the television) and therefore, putting others down makes us feel somewhat superior. What a pathetic way to feel so! But do we care? It is all about making “me” feel good, however temporarily.  Tragically, I have seen people hiding huge skeletons in their emotional cupboards by targeting the weaknesses and misfortunes of others. There is seldom any remorse or introspection because the alternate prospect of facing their true selves is frightening.

  

We all have opinions about each other but the wise speak with care and non-judgmentally. Familiarity implies caring and compassion, not the right to say anything you like to anyone and every one. Whether the bonds are thin or thick, gracelessness is always gracelessness under any garb and any circumstances. It only demonstrates the negative persona of the one who practices it.

I have noticed that if there is no grace at home, there isn’t any outside either. As they say, charity begins at home and this applies to everything. Habits are formed early in life. Grace, consideration, politeness, respect are a part of learned behavior. So, either it is taught, learned by observation or the hard way, through experience.

I think it is very essential to remember not to “cross the line” in any relationship to preserve its sanctity while we focus on thinking, speaking and acting as we would like others to do unto us.

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

GOD! ARE YOU LISTENING?

Many have often declared stoically that they are atheists. Let them profess to be so in a dire situation or crisis! When push comes to shove and all efforts fail, “someone up there” is there to fall back on. We live in a whirlpool of theories about “God”, that unseen power. Although we believe in the goodness of God, we wage wars “in the name of God”. We think God is light but we are happy to live in the dark: dark thoughts, dark words and equally dark deeds. We think there is an old, wise being “up there” who pours over a big, black book of debits and credits with a view to punishing humans. Quaint but amusing!

We can discuss God “ad nauseum” but the truth is, God can only be experienced as popularly theorized. Those who have absolute faith in prayer and the subtle energies have been privy to such experiences as have people who consider themselves “ordinary” vis-a-vis some others who are “extraordinary”. “God! Are you listening?”

The terms “ordinary” and “extraordinary” are mere perspectives based on perceived success and failure. Just today, I heard someone say, “courage is not the opposite of fear; it is driven by fear”. Similarly, for human beings, God is driven by crisis or disaster of any kind. God is our Disaster Manager. God is one who is expected to become active when humans can’t deal with a serious, even life threatening situation. Or, this is what WE believe. Would you believe me if I said that we all have the qualities of God within us but no intention, awareness, effort or realization? What would you say if I said that if we hadn’t polluted our energies by sullying ourselves in the muddy waters of this transient world, we could actually elevate ourselves to becoming spiritual masters like the Buddha, Lord Rama, Jesus Christ and others? The buck lies with us supported by God’s grace. “God! Are you listening?’’

  

God can be experienced in many ways. The sudden appearance of a stranger on a lonely road who gives you a lift to your home is no coincidence. You are looking for a book in a bookshop but you pick up a completely different book, which has an answer you have been looking for since quite sometime. You are alone and depressed when a friend forces you to go out and you meet someone there who later, becomes your life partner. A long lost friend re enters your life suddenly when you are in abject need of support.

The point is, are we just staring at the signs of the presence of God without understanding or are we actually aware and cognizant of God given help and opportunities?  But simultaneously, we need to make ourselves worthy to attract the godly energy. We need to increase our levels of cleansing and awareness to actually feel God within ourselves constantly; through substantiating God by living exemplary lives of which God, our “parent” energy can be proud. Let us invite God’s grace every living moment. “God! Are you listening?”

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

THE TRAVAILS OF LOVE

Over the years, in my experiences as a healer, I have seen many facets of love in people which demonstrate an acute need and therefore, a lack of this valuable emotion. Love is a prime energy which connects everything in creation. But we see fear rule people much more than love, and it is a fact that love cannot survive where there is fear. The converse is also true. Love and fear cannot co exist. There is a deep contradiction in the minds of human beings where, on one side, they want love and on the other side, they tend to mutilate it with their expectations.

There is a category of people who aspire to be loved through serving others, hoping that this will find approval in the eyes of those they serve and some love may come their way. There is another category of people who want love badly but who will actually turn people away from themselves by pretending that they don’t need anyone in their lives. Such people are very vulnerable from within and need to be taken care of. A third category of people is the demanding kind. They want love in the form of attention and can become quite obsessive.

One has to examine the womb reality and often, past lives to identify the root cause of why people are this way. The truth is that the intrinsic quality of the soul is love and that it doesn’t have to come from external sources at all. The soul, by virtue of being a spark of the Divine Energy, is abundant in love which actually multiplies when given out. But humans don’t trust and therefore, doubt everything and everyone. The Universe protects us provided we are in sync with it and live by its laws.

Love is its own reward. We love because it is our nature to love, not as a condition that the love is returned to us. Unconditional love is connected to our inner fountain of happiness and joy: the joy of giving with love.

I see many controls happening in the name of love. There seem to be unwritten rules in a close knit group which curtail the freedom to love those outside the group. Or, even if some do, they are not willing to show it. In families, too, there are divisive forces arising out of insecurities which find their roots in the inability to understand the actual nature of love.

As a healer, I know that if love becomes a need or even an obsession, the energy of the seeker goes out to the giver and debilitates the one who needs it and asks for it, while the giver becomes stronger. The precondition of a healthy Heart Chakra is the ability to love while keeping our personal space intact. When we feel depleted of energy, we tend to look for it outside ourselves when we should actually be tapping it within ourselves and also retrieving it from those who we have given it away to. Unlike a vessel getting steadily empty as we use its contents, the more we share love as a Divine Energy without expecting a return, the more love seems to fill us. This is an eternal fountain for those who experience the feeling. It is a transformational experience which words cannot describe or achieve.

Our lives are so colored by our desires, ego, biases and negativities arising out of a deep seated ignorance and a lack of awareness that unless these are removed, we may not be able to experience the simplicity and beauty of life and will continue to live in dark zones.

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com