Wednesday 30 August 2017
Tuesday 29 August 2017
Forgive and Forget
With most people, I see a struggle in the
understanding of the "forgive and forget" principle. First, it seems
hard, even impossible to forgive someone who has hurt you. Second, there seems
to be an issue about erasing those memories. Somewhere within, when we are
broken, we suffer and automatically, the grouse is with the person who caused
the grief, the pain. Naturally, no one wants pain.
But it is equally true that without pain,
growth is a distant dream. If we did not know what the opposite of light is, we
would not recognize light. A vision impaired has no way of seeing day and
night. Similarly, symbolically, despite having eyes, we either can't, don't or
refuse to "see". But we need to see. To see what the truth is about
why the pain .
See what? The root cause of the pain. Our
pain is due to our own inability to tolerate the darkness in others. And that
is natural because, basically, we are beings of light. But that darkness is not
only in others but reflected within us, too. And when this happens, the
cognizance of this inner darkness decreases our tolerance levels of ourselves. That
gets reflected in the opposite person. And the pain keeps adding on.
Imagine, if we refused to take the pain
within us. What would happen? It would bounce off you and be returned to the
sender. But we don't know how to do that. Or, the little devil sitting inside,
the ego, won't let us. So, we deliberately start taking hurtful actions in
retaliation. Any escalation takes two people. Like you need two hands to clap.
You can choose not to clap.
So, pain is a choice we make. The pain of
rejection, hate, jealousy, revenge, injustice, betrayal, cruelty etc. These are
powerful energies and, when directed towards anyone, would take a very strong
person to deflect them...a person who makes a conscious choice to remain
untouched by these energies.
I cannot express in words how elevating
this exercise can be and how beautifully energizing.
Even if one does not want to go deep into
this, a simple thumb rule to follow is to block negative energy by giving it a
positive connotation. And find it in your heart to feel sad for those who are
still living in the low vibration field. You will see then it becomes easier to
forgive. You will also decide that such memories are also not worth keeping.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Monday 28 August 2017
Sunday 27 August 2017
Cleansing
When
we make attempts with another human being to let bygones be bygones but receive
no reply from there, what does it mean? And I am not referring to crimes, just
small, ego driven differences..
Growing
up, I was always taught that whatever the business with another person, it is
never over until it is over: forgiveness from both sides.
I
feel differently now. During your journey, it is only you who can work on
yourself. Only you can forgive and forget, and become immune and neutral for
your own sake. Of course, if both people can understand and forgive, nothing
like it! But, you are not responsible for anyone's growth but your own.
Cleansing your own energies is your priority. Your choices and freedom of will
are confined only to you. You cannot bring any change in anyone else unless
they do so out of their own free will.
So
many belief systems...so many wrong patterns of thinking! And we don't learn
any better. We wait for the other person to change....just a case of our
ignorant ego that doesn't allow sense to dawn.
So,
there is just one, simple mantra if you have tried but not succeeded in
building the bridge: LET GO....from thoughts because thoughts form memories and
we store memories instead of letting go.
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Thursday 24 August 2017
Maturity
Maturity! A very vaguely understood,
perhaps misunderstood condition. Generally, we refer to maturity when we
actually speak of people aging. "Maturity" seems to be used as a
synonym for aging. Frankly, it is only the body aging and so, all aged people
need not be accused of being mature.
Maturity is an inner process of growth. It
means to take complete ownership of the self and that, too, with
responsibility. Very often, we remark about people's immature behavior or
immature words. Both project a certain lack of growth.
Maturity has no direct connection with life
experiences. But, it has everything to do with personal responses to those
experiences.
There are times when you must give in and
times when you must hold back. To understand when to exercise such a choice
effectively is a part of being mature, to HANDLE yourself during situations, to
be calm, to be proactive and aiming to cause least damage while acting upon a
well thought out plan.
Maturity is to act wisely and bring a
wholesome harmony into an erstwhile tense situation.
That is why impulsiveness is often not considered
to be maturity. Not enough thought there! It is also often mistaken for "spontaneity"
which, again, is not a synonym. "Impulsive" is judged as
"childish". Yet, Osho says that to be childlike is to reclaim your
innocence which leaves you desire less. He calls this state as maturity. Where
you don't really NEED anything. You are happy anywhere, any time and no
situation have the power to rob you of your peaceful state of being.
In maturity, we feel light and happy all
the time. Because we have understood the transient nature of this world. That
everything that has a beginning must have an end and that we don't have control
of this cycle until we are mature enough to realize that we are all Buddha’s.
We have understood that, apparently unobtrusively, we are flowing away with
time and each time we make long term plans, God has a good laugh at our
expense.
It is when this happens that maturity has
dawned and ignorance has lost finally!
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Wednesday 23 August 2017
Tuesday 22 August 2017
Monday 21 August 2017
Solution
When we need someone, we end up
compromising ourselves. The equation changes and is not an equal one. And the
direct result is the feeling of being taken advantage of. Very normal and understandable.
BUT...when the awareness of this happens,
it becomes a less tolerable situation and a difficult task to set the equation
straight. Then there is resentment. Many have experienced this and continue to
do so...
What is the solution? Must this be changed
even if it is difficult? Because everything comes with a price. Are we prepared
to pay it? In these types of cases, distances can arise between people.
Or, should one keep the surface equation intact?
In any eventuality, one will have to change the negative feeling and heal it.
Our past actions cannot be judged because they are past. If one learns from them
that is wise. The healing can happen when we know what happened, re live it and
understand what we did and why.
There is no need to beat ourselves up or
regret our actions. All we need to do is analyze our own needs for that moment
or period of time. This in itself is the seed of a solution.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Thursday 17 August 2017
Self destruction
I am unable to visualize someone who is
consumed by hatred. It shakes me up. It is not an intrinsic quality of the
soul. I think we all know that.
We could link hatred with karma. We could
also link it to a thorough discomfort of being in your own skin which results
in comparisons..and we invariably find a lack within. There could be a
possibility of extreme jealousy, of feeling small and worthless in comparison
with "better" people. More successful people. More passionate and
driven people. More popular people.
But the lengths humans can go to, to
appease themselves and calm their hatred inspired rage and vendetta can be very
unsettling and disturbing.
It would be far too simplistic to say that
everything in life should be "hunky dory" and harmonious all the
time. If that were the case, we would be a group of saints on the earth.
We are here definitely to experience the positivity’s
and negativities, the pluses and minuses of life. And learn from them. But
nothing is worth causing self destruction through the kind of negativity that
can be created by hatred. It is the fire that burns and destroys like nothing
else does.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Tuesday 15 August 2017
Sharing and caring
The healing properties that we have within
us are a reality. There are so many ways to cure one's bodily ailments if we
can cure our mental ailments. You know, the latter is the place where it starts
happening....
Diseases or "dis ease"s are
merely the discomfort that arises from leading a life of unawareness and
ignorance. From these emerge all our wrong patterns of thinking and living. And
these, in turn, affect our health.
I notice that when people have bonded, laughed
and even cried together, there is much joy in the heart, the joy of sharing and
caring. The reverse can be painful. The environment, the people, the
circumstances are all a part of our karmic experiences and how we respond
determines our levels of ignorance and awareness.
Just taking our awareness to those parts of
us which are hurting and understanding the reasons for the hurt can heal them.
Most important, accepting responsibility for everything that happens to us.
Requires basic knowledge and understanding
and we can be on our way to healing ourselves.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Sunday 13 August 2017
Constant habit
When
we are depressed and angry with the world, we tend to go from bad to worse in
our mental condition. Anger only dissipates your energy up to a level where you
lose your ability to think straight, let alone heal yourself. And in this mode,
you tend to become your own worst enemy.
This
situation requires the ability to analyze the core issue of the anger because,
as I have experienced it, anger is always self directed...for what could have
happened but didn't, for the wrong choices made, for lost opportunities, for a
lack of love, for loneliness, for feeling rejection, depression...and more.
It
is not easy to turn inwards. The mind only wants to blame and blame everyone
and everything but the self.
And
then, we seek recourse to prayer. Even after, we often wait for a change to
HAPPEN rather than MAKE it happen. We need help.
A
wonderful way to overcome this mode : just ask yourself..
Why
am I angry?
Who
am I angry with?
Why
am I angry with that person or situation?
Did
I contribute to it in any way?
Answer
all these questions truthfully to yourself and you will find that most of the
time, you failed to look within to find the actual issue. That you had the
power to understand and let go but you held on.
Making
a constant habit of this kind of clinical analysis can help you in cultivating
a calm persona.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Thursday 10 August 2017
Belief system
In
this country, it is no surprise that people are so divided. Their individual
conditioning is not based on a common yardsticks. Every religion has a separate
rules book and rituals. And although we may link all religions to one source,
is it so simple?
The
environment in a Christian home, a Hindu home and a Muslim home will always
have different energies. Energies are so subtle that they can be felt even if
one is not very sensitive. The thoughts, the way of speaking, actions, cultural
orientation etc.
I
speak of religion as a priority because our societies are formed around
religions...religious sects and cults. All of these claim to teach tolerance,
acceptance and love but strangely enough, they succeed in doing just the opposite.
The evidence is staring at us each day. Groupism on belief systems taught and practiced
because of having a common teacher or Guru is seen everywhere. Nothing wrong so
far. You have to draw inspiration from some elevated platform.
The
problem arises when each group thinks they are the best and they are right in
their beliefs. Therefore, by default, the others may not be so right. How can
they be when there is only one type of "right" per group? According
to them, of course. This attitude magnifies the differences and so,
similarities recede into the background when actually, these are the ones that
bind people together.
We
need knowledge beyond the "taught" knowledge and that can only come
through personal practice and experience by exposure to all kinds of people and
their ways of thinking and doing things. And by putting in work on yourself
consistently. No guru or teacher can experience anything on your behalf. They
can guide you in the right direction though.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Wednesday 9 August 2017
Times of sadness
Have you felt that in times of sadness,
angels hover around you? These are people in your life who watch over you,
worry about your well being and often try to illuminate your path when they see
you passing through a dark patch.
Sometimes, their value is felt only after
they are gone. Because while they are around, we tend to take them for granted.
Not often are we in a mood to give them a listening ear.
A matter of karma, I guess. I still
remember the gujrati saying which means, wisdom comes only from others, not
your own people. Like you prefer the food in someone else's home. Taking home
food for granted and bored with the same flavor. I guess people also come with
the same old flavor which goes out of taste.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Monday 7 August 2017
Sunday 6 August 2017
Intelligence
I
watch people and their priorities, their values and now, after I.Q. and E.Q.,
have coined a new one...S.I.Q., the Sensitive Intelligence Quotient. To be
intelligent is great. But to disregard the feelings of others and show your
intelligence may not be a great asset.
I
recently came upon such a case of two friends. One, being emotional, fell out
with a common acquaintance. The other, not understanding why, continued not
only to support that person but openly flaunted her liking. This is bound to
have a very logically emotional outcome, that of the distancing of the two
friends.
Could
the second friend have used the S.I.Q here? I definitely think so. She could
have supported the third person quietly and understanding the emotions of her
friend and respecting them.
I
find that in life, we lack this sensitivity towards even close people. Does it
show a lack of love? Or a very active ego that does not see beyond? Is it
judging others? ....
I
feel sad to see that where there could have been love, closeness, being there
for each other, one person's thoughtlessness can strain a relationship,
sometimes, even to a point of "no return". Each of us needs to
examine whether we have done this at one time or another. And correct ourselves
in the interest of a long term relationship. And for the sake of the love
shared earlier. Nothing is worth giving up close relationships for like
parents, siblings, and friends.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
Thursday 3 August 2017
Perfectionist
It
is not easy to deal with a desire for perfection in everything. You invariably
deal with people who are anything but that. To deal with people when you are
trying to achieve perfection and a certain standard in everything you do, you
had better not rely on them completely unless you want to get stressed out and
even fall ill.
Perfectionists have little patience with mediocrity. But to
expect your standard of work from others is also foolish. In fact, it is wiser
to bring down your standards a peg or two. Otherwise, you are likely to get
into serious conflict with such people. To move forward, you might have to deal
with less than efficient people and work.
Unfortunately,
there are paid officials in many places who do not have the interest or
ambition to grow and learn. Because they do not observe. And because they have
no pride in their work.
And
this gives rise to much frustration in perfectionists. I have seen people leave
jobs, sack employees because of this. But they suffer for it.
So,
simply put, be protective about your health, chill and relax a little.
Everything will get done in time. I am often told that life should also be
enjoyed. And I agree....so, learn to grin and bear in general.
Surekha
Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Wednesday 2 August 2017
Tuesday 1 August 2017
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