Self-Destructive

“Letting go” is more a philosophical statement than a genuine attempt for most people. Sounds wise on the lips. But without any meaning if not practiced. The phrase is not meant to be just spoken about.

These are all personal practices for ourselves. We live in a family, in a community where there WILL be a wear and tear of emotions and feelings and even reactions in the name of being “human”. But instead of harboring the adversely affecting emotions, can we let go of them immediately as they arise? Knowing that they are harmful to us and no one else? Or do we come under the category of “self-destructive”?

Actually, we have a tendency to get into conflict, retaliate, get hurt, shun people and ultimately, lose relationships. And ironically, we are the ones who have suffered on that emotional see saw without seeing any change whatsoever in the people we have conflicted with, except blame for us.

The question I always ask myself is: would I carry a burning coal in my hands just because someone gave it to me? Obviously NOT!

But in many ways, we ARE carrying grouses within us, which are like carrying burning coals, which come from others because we don’t have the wisdom to LET GO. We are unable to focus on what is good for our mental health and peace of mind. And therein lies our core of restlessness and frustration.

When maturity finally dawns, we are able to laugh at ourselves at our earlier foolishness. And we automatically start to let go of the unnecessary burdens we carry.

Learning to discard and delete does not have to be learnt from AI. We have our own super intelligence we could use if we lessened our dependence on the opinions of others and delved into our own common sense department within our intelligence bank.

Surekha Kothari

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Sense of Detachment

 Have you reached a state of being when you don’t want to engage with people? Nor explain yourself, period! Nor want to be a part of a madding crowd that speaks of nothing and everything. And you feel an inner silence enveloping you combined with a strange sense of detachment of what is happening outside of you. That abuse from those who have some grouses is just amusing!

Well, I wish you all that this year will bring you to this state of calm and peace. Our journey is inward. Or should be if it isn’t as yet.

Surekha Kothari

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Emotional Crisis

LOSS is the most intense of feelings and the emotions attached to it are heart rending. It does not have to be through death only. It can be the breakup of very valuable relationships. Or the severance of a part of the body even. Emotional crisis can be equally painful.

How to DEAL with loss! When suddenly, its memory triggers when we are trying to cope with life. We live with it.

One of the biggest loss is when you lose yourself in the midst of facing rejection, indifference and marginalization. Others can make you feel that you are a zero when YOU have accepted that you ARE a zero.

We deal with this from time to time. Some see light after a while but some can sink into a massive loss of self-esteem, see only darkness everywhere and CAN end their lives.

I have realized that birth here is definitely to learn plenty of lessons but apart from that, has also an implication of a certain demotion due to our karmic actions. That’s why we are here, without knowing the vastness of who we are, and working with our petty selves, judging, conflicting, hurting, killing and so on.

 

 

And that is also why very few consciously expand their awareness and their own consciousness and live in their little ponds of comfort.

They prefer to fail and fail in the same class rather than work hard to seek promotion. Because they are used to it. It is a known place.

After all, what is this life if also not a school? What we end up learning in one lifetime is a question we must ask ourselves.

Surekha Kothari

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Sense of Humility

Holding space for someone else is the ultimate act of kindness. There is always a danger to end up strengthening your ego by attaching yourself to tags. Like kind, spiritual, helpful etc. Are we cultivating a sense of humility or are we talking about it to everyone willing to listen, and also with an attempt to impress? That is EGO attachment. And culminating in arrogance very often.

There are people who are quietly philanthropic. You never know how silently they act. These are genuine souls who don’t seek praise.

Life is all about carving out who we want to be at the end of the day.

Surekha Kothari

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Privilege

There are moments of grief and moments of happiness for all souls. When we feel good, we want to hold that space forever. But often, it is only as steady as a house of cards. Until the next event arrives with its challenges.

Hopefully, instead of making our minds like a yoyo, we learn to learn to modify our thoughts and reactive patterns.

Personally, I have learnt that the position of an observer is the best. Let everything happen outside of you, observe, analyze and let go of what can be damaging, if internalized.

Maintaining the inner calm and peace against all odds makes you a role model. Because you have followed the ultimate teaching of being a “drashta”, an observer. Very difficult but a totally liberating learning, if achieved.

Having said this, humans are flawed. It is not easy to develop lofty ideals overnight. We are creatures of habit and the body of our thoughts has been trained to think and act as per our comfort level. The concepts of right and wrong have been diluted because that would mean overhauling your internal system and doing that is exhausting for most.

Within this context, wisdom is to streamline your life, retaining the people around who care and lend to each other’s happiness quotient as much as possible to counteract the oppressing circumstances that we all inevitably have to face as our karma keeps unfolding and throws challenges at us constantly.

This is HOPE and this is LIGHT. And this is the privilege and power to ascend.

Surekha Kothari

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Perspective

Gradually, over a period of time, you lose the stars in your eyes that you had when you were younger, and you acquire a more realistic perspective.

The mother of all perspectives is one that says, anything directed towards you is not FOR you. Any negativity thrown at us only speaks of how much work is required to be done by the people who would like to decorate us with their negativity on themselves.

Wisdom comes with a lot of intense pain, from experiences, conducive to growth or challenges to be met while remaining true to your own personality.

Justifying negatives, yours or someone else’s is like sinking your feet deeper into a quagmire.

Be like the sun which is constant even behind clouds. It does not diminish its light under any circumstances. It does not react to clouds covering it.

When sense dawns, everything superficial fades away. And what is left is the essence of us, our souls!

Surekha Kothari

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Impenetrable

All hurts, unhappiness and grief in relationships are there for all humans to be challenged with. Sometimes, the darkness around us is impenetrable! Or so we think at the time we are going through it.

But our survival mode is stronger than we think or know. The craving to live is the need of the soul because each soul has come for a purpose which needs completion. And this has little to do directly with relationships.

There are souls who lose heart and end their lives. There are others who leave the world through tragic accidents. They leave unfulfilled karma behind which will probably follow them in the next life.

There is so much we don’t know! Ironically though, often, we don’t even conform to what we know. There is no end to mental conflicts in such cases.

Somehow, the fragility of life eludes us most of the time. We only feel it when we see death. And this too seldom lasts long. As i said, the craving to live supersedes all and HOPE is what makes us all tick.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Protection

I think this is the journey of many souls who have gone out with joy to help and connect and found themselves just “used”. I know no one gets “used” without their own permission. But it takes time for the givers to realize that they have been used. The reasons could be many, like love and caring, giving generously or then wanting something in return.

Ultimately, as we grow in years, our experiences either rejuvenate us or exhaust us. And in the latter, we are so debilitated in our energy that we prefer withdrawing contact from those who have been energy vampires in our lives. That also becomes a form of self-protection and healing.

Surekha Kothari

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Honesty and Humility

In being steadfast with someone, can we, should we mete out injustice to someone else? We are so focused on our personal likes and dislikes that we show our dislike through pettiness and being unfair. There is a middle ground. Sure, being steadfast is a wonderful trait. Everyone has a community of people they conform to, and are loyal to them. The middle ground is to maintain distance without actively acting against those who are not a part of your community but are around you. There is no need to pile on negative karma. We talk so much of karma. All this IS a part of your karma. Worse, when we disrespect those who have given us love and nurturing.

Can we awaken our conscience enough to understand what WE are doing wrong? And who are really your community that you may have discarded out of your own ignorance. The tendency for outward blame might stop and reflecting on oneself may begin a new sense of self-worth, based on honesty and humility. This would be more endearing a space, isn’t it? Let us not forget that just as eating sweets is a happy experience until it lands you with diabetes, some people who appear as sweet may not always have your best intentions at heart.

So it would be wise not to judge people by their external mannerisms, nor get swayed by the opinions of those around us. We must learn to develop our own sense of intuition if we want to become discerning of this need to be with the right people.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Inflicted

Sometimes, intense grief can become like a warm blanket under which you want to hide from the world, not wanting to risk the speculation it might bring and the privacy it might challenge. Not everyone wants to shout out their stories aloud to the world. Or be talked about ad nauseum.

Ultimately, it is YOU for yourself, with yourself and more important, BY yourself. And you have to learn to live WITH this person that is you. And work to like what you see in you.

Before you hide under that blanket, though, do realize that everyone is hiding under their own blankets behind their social persona. And why not? Everyone is facing the onslaught of karma and trying to cope as well as possible.

I really want to say again and again. Be kind. Understand people even if you can see they are flawed and not doing the right thing. Realize that you are flawed too and coping in a similar manner.

Where then is the point of conflict? It seems so redundant to point fingers outwards when we are facing similar hassles? It has never made any sense to me to nurse self-inflicted wounds until they become a disease.

Cleanse, let go and observe experiences as karma unfolding. Everything will make sense then. It IS you, all the way. None else! And the other souls around you were meant to be there until their roles got over.

Surekha Kothari

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Similarities

 Everything is energy. Words have their own energy. Therefore, we must be very careful in what we say. To others, definitely but it is equally important what we say to ourselves.

I constantly catch myself saying very debilitating words to myself when I am angry or unhappy or even depressed. Running ourselves down, beating ourselves up for the mistakes we make… the ensuing anger and self-deprecation can become very hardened, like cement, over a period of time. And healing that becomes a difficult task.

Without realizing this, a lot of this is internalized through external sources and people. They seem to compound our already shaky opinions of ourselves.

We tend to cling on to the negative angles of every episode in our lives, forgetting that there are positive ways to look at the same episode. And those who can SEE the positivity have only an increasing positive energy in their words.

Our acceptance of everything depends on this. See things as just different instead of contrary to us and to see how peace can descend without conflict. See similarities instead of differences and your words will become gentle and comforting.

There is no need to run anyone down. Each one is here just to experience their body of karma. No one can be a clone of you. An apple cannot be an orange and a rose cannot be an orchid. They are all unique.

So are we, souls out here to help each other through each life to fulfil our soul contract.

So, guard your energies. With your thoughts, words and actions.

Live and let live amicably.

Surekha Kothari

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Reciprocity

It takes years to build relationship bridges. And not even a day to burn them. Valuing people when you get benefits out of them is nothing very spectacular. This is not the reason to sustain a relationship.

It’s caring, ever ready to help in need, unconditional love and a lot of understanding of their situations that cement bonds.

As you grow older, you feel the need to cement these bonds even more. Sometimes, you work alone and don’t get the same feeling reciprocated. So then the onus is on you. I don’t understand how you can suddenly “un love” a person. If you can, then that was never love.

That’s why it is said that love is its own reward. Love, if it fills up your heart. Don’t worry about any reciprocity.

Though, the heart chakra works to give and receive. And does get blocked if either one of the functions is partially or completely blocked. And this chakra is also a bridge between the earth and access to our higher self.

So much awareness is required each second. And we fail to be conscious enough. The joy of feeling the consciousness changing the inner environment to a lighter and warmer one has to be experienced.

Surekha Kothari

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Faith

Wisdom says “don’t overthink”. But it is not easy, especially when you crave answers that are not forthcoming any time soon. And as time passes and you live in more and more uncertainty, thoughts and questions deepen … overthinking is natural.

These symptoms are indicative of a need to be in control of your life. Uncertainty in the smaller things is still acceptable but when it concerns your important things like relationships, success, you need that knowledge to be comfortable.

Fear of the unknown is a major disaster waiting to explode anytime you can’t gauge or anticipate its severity. But conversely, you have no control over it either.

The only thing that makes sense then, is to hold on. And hold your wisdom in your space. To strengthen your resolve to remain steady within your faith, for that is worth holding space for, for miracles in your life.

Surekha Kothari

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Wisdom

When we are young, we are vulnerable. Life has not poked us enough. But as we move through life, all kinds of experiences are busy teaching us and we are kind of getting dragged by our see saw of emotions, now sinking and now swimming, gasping for breath, desperate for balance and survival.

By the time we learn to cope with all of these, we have lost our youth and gained the wisdom and strength we wish we had in our youth. We truly start living only after 40 or so. Until then, we ARE struggling to get stronger to face life headlong.

Surekha Kothari

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Universal Energy

 Today, we see many younger people not invested in “family”. It is a reality to be accepted clinically, not emotionally, using tags like” sad” and “ungrateful”. Every change is meant to be.

As we raise our consciousness to the next level of the perception of universal expansion, we must understand that individual consciousness has to be taken more seriously than it is taken. That getting stuck in emotional patterns can be a massive roadblock to opening new vistas of understanding.

We speak of 4th and 5th dimensions without knowing what they are. These are all within us. Within our scope of realization. And possible only when we move on from our past, our emotional and physical crutches and into our higher selves to feel those higher frequencies.

Let us remind ourselves every minute that we are not our body, our mind, our senses, our emotions and work on our soul expansion. Self-gratification has to be redefined henceforth. Because only with a change of the present mindset can we move towards an expansion of awareness and consciousness to actually feel a sense of unity and integration with universal energy.

Surekha Kothari

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Ignorance

 Can our purpose in life be to just spend it in handling relationships? Compromising, pleasing hurt egos, giving dutifully that often becomes a one-way traffic.

Honestly, I am very doubtful we gain much, if anything, by doing so. We are probably very far from the truth about our soul requirements.

All the pain, the grief, the struggles are so ignorance based! But ironically, we HAVE to go through all of these to understand we were in the wrong space.

The reason we give so much importance to relationships is not always to learn from those interactions, to know what to do and what not to do in our journeys.

Unfortunately, it is more because we cannot live without dependence. People / groups make us feel relevant and give us a sense of importance and well-being. And this gives us a sense of comfort, even validation.

But this also deprives us of any effort to build up an awareness that this is not the real “us”.

That is why, among the large population in the world and several spiritual gurus out there, spiritual awakening is a rare path.

We can say that today; more people are beginning to understand the importance of developing a spiritual consciousness as being of equal importance. Also that, this knowledge improves the way we live on this earth. Because their experiences in life without a spiritual quotient have been exhausting. 

I will keep emphasizing this ad nauseum even, and if even one person learns to embark on that path, it is a life well spent.

Surekha Kothari

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Inspiration

 Clarity of thought inspires a powerful life. Clear energy and therefore, focused.  And the clearer, the purer. You can’t go wrong. The right kind of power shines through without effort and very naturally.

Such people illuminate their lives and their surroundings. So, imagine if there were many more, how much of this world they could illuminate and what the quantity of energy could do with the positive vibrations throughout the world?

Sadly, a utopia at the moment. Too much accent on the artificial!

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Indulgent

It takes two, always two, to distort a relationship. And even in this, depending on the nature of the relationship, one may naturally give more and keep giving IN more, perhaps as a parent would.

But often, the more you give, the less you are respected. It is misunderstood as weakness. But let’s put this one question to parents first. However thoughtless your children are, can you stop loving them or readily helping them when they are in need? I don’t know of one parent who would abstain. They are a part of you and for a mother, created from her own flesh and blood.

The same question to the children. One youngster said to me, “well, we did not ask to be born, so, why are we expected to listen to our parents?” “And why can’t we judge our parents too, as we do others? “

The fact is, EACH soul chooses the mother as much as the parents want the child. It is a two-way traffic. Yes, nature has willed the flow of life to be one of parents to children to children becoming parents and so on.

But, the connectivity in the universe inevitably demands some rules to be observed. We cannot walk away from our reciprocal value systems. The love energy makes it possible to fulfil these duties and responsibilities.

Very rarely if at all, in these times, do we see a Shravan kumar carrying his blind parents on his shoulders. Unfortunately, the heretofore unheard abuse of parents in many ways has disconnected families as never before. Family pride is confined to power and status more than unity and support.

Just as friends are becoming extended family because natural families are falling apart, so is AI going to replace the original human intelligence that has gone wrong and become corrupted and self-indulgent, causing severe imbalances.

Is it ok then to say, “well, we are helpless” and that this is a new wave setting in, a synthetic wave which has not risen out of the ocean and cannot merge into the ocean. It is as artificially existent as the robot is today. Who knows if, in time, the human race will become extinct also, like the dinosaurs! And only robots will exist!

And remember, the original thought was at a micro level!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Silence

When you awaken, you look at your life and many of your reactions with amusement. Each one of us is enveloped in a drama of karma and desires. We judge every experience from the way it appears to us : positive or unpleasant.

If we take away that aspect of our own feelings about the experience, what is left? Yes! Only the experience. And without attaching emotions, it is easy to go through it.

Conditioning makes this clinical observation very difficult. Our attachments with relationships and having been taught our behavioral patterns very early in life, we grow up with realizations of what works and what does not, again depend on how WE feel.

Subjective patterns are there to stay unless we can observe and change them consciously.

What really works ultimately is inner silence. That gives us more clarity and also prevents self-defeating thoughts about how others make us feel. Actually, totally unnecessary but inevitable to mankind most of the time.

The other moot point is that if you are a giver, people get comfortable around you and take what you have to give. But there is no energy exchange and you end up depleting your energies out of love/ attachment or whatever …

Silence is that tool that consolidates your energy levels. It makes you abstain from expending your energies in the name of compulsions prescribed by families and societies in the name of “duty”, whose forces are very difficult to resist by individual energies.

Awareness and consciousness are the basis of living, I am learning. Bringing your subconscious world into the conscious one will help create new patterns of living. And I am not saying this is easy. To break old patterns requires courage to move out of old self-created molds.

But there it is! Take it or leave it!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Retaliation

 I can never find it in my heart to “understand” why we don’t see that everyone carries their burdens and their grief, sometimes silently and privately. We just see the surface and that too, may have more depth than we know.

The smile hides a million hurts. The “trying to be normal” with those that have hurt you terribly speaks of a grace no one wants to acknowledge.

What we do with our lives is a promise to ourselves. Do we want to elevate it or enslave it? Do we want to feel proud of who we are amidst many challenges, or do we want to fight battles which end up making us the losers? Because we don’t “win” in conflict. We just lose … lose our peace, our grace, our minds and our energies.

Ultimately, how does it matter that someone meant to insult or be rude? The onus is on them for their intentions. Yes, I know it is easy to say this and I have also been there. But you learn over time that dignity and respect are more important than retaliation, despite the fact that your non retaliation can be seen wrongly as weakness, but often, only when the attempt to bait does not work. At least, it does not disrupt your peace. And it is okay. Always prioritize on your peace is the lesson I have learnt.

If someone is on the wrong track, it is foolishness to follow. The larger part of the lesson.

Surekha Kothari

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Impurity of Intentions

There is an unseen force that guides us if we are tuned into it. There is also an observer within us that seldom lets us forget our wrongdoings and our impurity of intentions.

Despite this, we humans continue with our usual ways, in our unaware state. AND face consequences repeatedly.

What more can be said? What other pointers can be given when we ourselves are our worst enemies?

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Divine

If we could remember everything, there would be no past, present and future. An interesting and intriguing proposition!

Some of our saints had graduated to that state. And they continue to be with us and around us to help us.

This universe is so vast and the possibilities so seamless, our limited awareness cannot even imagine the extent!

Even small glimpses are thrilling. If we can only expand this awareness and consciousness to incorporate a desire to unveil these aspects of this wonderful creation!

The Divine within the Divine!  There is nothing before and nothing beyond but existence within this Divine. And merging with it.

Surekha Kothari

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Achievement

It is a fact that sustained relationships have an important ingredient: communication. If there is none or very little, distances grow by leaps and bounds, however well-meaning both sides are. 

More or less, there is one person in the relationship who often communicates less. It could be due to preoccupations or just simple lack of initiative. Or then, some inner issues like sensitivity or inferiority even.

I have learnt that nothing works better than simple, direct and egoless communication.

Everyone struggles with something. But humility goes a long way in ironing out issues which are almost always small ones in the beginning.

This perception of “being better” than someone else is an impediment in relationships. The truth is, in those perspectives, there will always be some who are better off and some who are not. But these are wrong perspectives.

Not riches, not talent, not any worldly achievement can brand anyone as “better”. There are many spiritually rich but low key people who silently live their lives and better themselves every day.

So, where is the weighing scale? And who decides? But if you communicate only will you establish a meeting point, from wherever you are. Your values will determine your success.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Sacrifice

 Suppressing authentic needs is a huge hole within our wholesomeness. Traditionally, we have been taught that goodness means self-sacrifice, living for others, suppressing our needs to accommodate those of others around us and forgiving everyone who hurt you whether they repent or not. In short, we have made excellent arrangements for our own depletion of energy and destruction of our self-image.

Kindness, in this connection, is NOT what I just described. Everything begins with the self and then extends outwards. It is that part of goodness which ought to start with kindness to the self-first. If your inner self is under the agony of suppression, denial and conflict, how do you even BEGIN to get enough energy to be what society selfishly demands from you?

That inner self, your suffering shadow self of which even you are in partial denial, must be brought into your conscious awareness so that you can heal it and integrate it with your true self. Only then can you become wholesome. And then you can extend yourself outwards and help others find themselves.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari