Path of Non-Resistance

Whatever you resist becomes stronger. Letting it happen, accepting it, looking at it like a specimen in a laboratory and letting it go. This is the path of non-resistance. 

For example, your thoughts. They come in thousands and oppress you. Why? Because you don’t WANT them. You fight them, avoid them. In doing this, you are giving them more energy with that extra attention.

What does meditation teach us? To watch the thoughts come and go. To let go of them without internalizing them. Soon, they will reduce and keep reducing with regular practice.

Eventually, such a mind is clear and devoid of distractions. This is also called going with the flow without disturbing it. Some rich dividends accrue with such an attitude to life.

Surekha Kothari

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Spiritual Growth

 If you can separate the ego from the self, your spiritual growth is ensured.

Any hurt, any wound, any anger issues can be attributed to the ego, the “ahankara” within. The self remains untarnished. It is the observer, the non-involved party.

Of course, this is not at all easy, like eating a piece of chocolate. It is nothing less than a complete melt down of all belief systems and all illusions built by the ego. It may feel almost like a rebirth and becoming a new person.

I always point out to myself, that when people use their hearts instead of the ego, the outcome is rich and rewarding to the person who uses love. Love finds a happy niche within us even if it is not reciprocated because the heart is the path to the divine energy.

Look around the world today and see fear ruling everywhere. Not love. The ego can only generate more fear. And where there is the rule of fear, love finds it difficult to step in.

This is for each of us to reflect on. Surely, we don’t want fear in our lives. Then, why have we learnt to live with this mind of compromise?

Surekha Kothari

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RISE in love

Most of us are in love with the idea of love. I have a terrific blind spot when the phrase “falling in love” is voiced.

We need to “RISE in love”.

Love is a commitment to YOURSELF. It is not an emotion that is given away easily and withdrawn as easily. 

Our knowledge of anyone is initially at best, superficial. Maybe, better in the years to come. But yet, never complete because everyone changes and keeps changing, including us. The same person you knew and developed feelings for is not that person today and will not be tomorrow. And this applies to you and all of us as well.

Then how does a relationship survive? On this very understanding. On acceptance of that change. On loving the actual person WITH this constant change.

We must understand that each one of us has different reactions to the same episode. And our psyche keeps changing differently.

Depth comes into a relationship only in time and with indulging the idiosyncrasies of each other and smiling at them. Becoming each other’s best friends.

Provided we give it enough time for a real friendship to develop.

Surekha Kothari

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Circumstances

 I can shout from the rooftop for the external world, that I am right. But suppose you look within yourself and realize that you were wrong?

What would you do?

Camouflage the truth and shout louder?

Admit to yourself and still be in silent denial

Or

Have the courage to admit AND acknowledge AND rectify.

This catharsis is a huge part of my workshops and talks. We don’t point a finger at ourselves. It is easier to blame the other person or circumstances.

It is like blaming the river, the oars when your boat capsizes because you did not know how and where to steer it.

Every day, we face situations and challenges and we constantly point outwards. Our coping mechanism is damaged because examination of anything starts from within.

Does our conscience speak to us? Or have we stopped listening?

Surekha Kothari

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www.instagram.com/author_surekhakothari/

 

Perceptions

Life has taught me not to compare and not to lament over what is not. A difficult journey if you live on expectations.

But clinically speaking, you cannot compare because everyone has different challenges. We are not aware of their intensity and what people go through behind that mask for the world. So, thinking someone else is better off than us may not be a correct assumption. Therefore, comparisons can make us unhappy because of our own limited perceptions.

On the other hand, we all have blessings we need to be aware of and be grateful for. If this gratitude begins to pervade our thoughts, there won’t be any room for complaints. And we may let go of what was not meant to be. Despite this, life gives us plenty even if it is in other ways than what we expected from it.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Realization

The phrase “attack is the best form of defense” does not come from a good place.

The fact that defense IS required implies a wrongdoing. The following attack on the victim to defend the wrongdoing by turning tables on the innocent party then becomes a double whammy.

This is the best way to escalate the increasing distances. And the absence of learning to admit the wrong doing and rectify it.

But look around you. Such acts of self-realization are almost non-existent. It is as if an admission of having done wrong will incriminate the person in front of people.

I feel the reverse is true.  It is the bigger person who acts with humility and understands what was done was not correct. And learns not to take such paths in future.

That’s why it is never wise to use that phrase “attack is the best form of defense”. It comes from a place of defiance, not grace.

Surekha Kothari

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www.instagram.com/author_surekhakothari/

 

Law of Resonance

There seems to be a lot of ostracization and marginalization of people in society today. A wrong set of practices has taken over from the earlier respect and acceptability quotients related to people and relationships.

Money, fame and power having the illusory notion of status is probably responsible.

But spiritually and as per the Law of Resonance, it is important to remember that in doing so, we have also marginalized ourselves. And we have also become ostracized from our own wholesomeness.  Because integration is the inherent nature of wholesomeness, and marginalizing others is reflected deep within our dark spaces where we need illumination.

Surekha Kothari

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Transformation

It is good to be simple and simple to be good. If only we realized that life is a flow. To watch as things, unfold in your life, and accept them with grace is the best way to live simply.

Again and again, we have experienced the conflict in our lives when we have tried to go against the flow. Reacting, wanting things to go our way and the discomfort of having to adjust to circumstances both beyond our liking and our control: these are ways we inflict suffering on ourselves.

Think! What IS within our control? Just ourselves and can only train ourselves. For what? First, to become simple. Understand that every episode is a trigger for learning! Yes, this comes after a lot of pain. But if that pain does NOT translate into learning and transformation, it was never worth it.

Anything that appears negative always has a positive side at the other end. Everything is a lesson.

With this attitude, life becomes simple and graceful and this leads to freedom beyond our imagination.

What lacks is the application of this knowledge. As they say, no pain, no gain.

Surekha Kothari

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www.instagram.com/author_surekhakothari/

 

Consequences

If your flight clips someone else’s wings, it is not freedom. It is an ego flight. What you choose today becomes your future agenda because of the consequences of your actions.

Karma is not a punishment. It is a mirror. If you sow thorns, you cannot reap flowers. You will meet many people who will hurt you, hate you, even harm you. But if you return the same, it is possible that somewhere, you may have been responsible for what you are receiving today. Once you understand this, you will refrain from retaliation.

So, do not react ever. Keep yourself clean in every thought, word or deed. This is your right power, an enduring power because you are experiencing your wholesomeness.  And when you are whole, you can only share wholesomeness. There is only wholesomeness to share.

So, never try to change anyone else. Change yourself and everything changes around you. But it takes time and a lot of faith. Don’t forget! We take time to turn over a new leaf just as we took so much time to become polluted.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Real Strength

The frailty of humans has to be understood. Their psychological stability depends on the circumstances being favorable. If your sense of self-worth depends on what you achieve like wealth and power, it is possible you may lose it also. The tragedy is, the more you expend your energy in maintaining an image, the further you move away from your authentic self.

And when you are in that space, even a small criticism can ruin your day. A setback can throw you into despair.  A rejection can wound you for years. A loss can destroy your identity completely.

Is your being strong possible then only when life agrees with you? When

your strength exists only in ideal conditions? 

That is not strength at all. Real strength reveals itself when conditions become unfavorable.

Anyone can be calm when there is no storm. What happens when the storm comes? When crutches fall away? When there is loss and loneliness? The true mettle of a human being shows up only then.

So, cultivate the strength that holds up under the adverse circumstances. Understand that challenges can and do come unannounced. Be prepared and let the universe be your guide and the divine energy your support.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com 

Divine Hand

A family is like a bunch of assorted flowers put together by a Divine Hand. Different souls slated to be together to help each other evolve. They are all different, with different destinies but bonded in love and compassion, looking out for each other.

This karmic nature of families is real.

We are duty bound to act as per the divine laws to attain freedom of the soul.

Learning humility and letting go of our pride, our egos is the first lesson.

Developing a community of friends outside is wonderful but not at the cost of family.

We only ask for blessings from family. Have you noticed? From our connections bound by birth. Somewhere within you, you know that genuine blessings are given from the heart by people you have grown up with and who love you despite all your faults and weaknesses and such blessings reach the Divine, believe me.

So, please return to your families, especially your parents who are living in senior citizen’s homes. It is sad that many parents prefer to be there. This says something about the lack of care and love from those who were nurtured and cared for with love by these very parents.

Surekha Kothari

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Idealistic

Make your life easy. We all have feet of clay and tend to give vent to our anger and frustrations. And in doing so, we may let words slip out that in calmer moments, we would not.

What amazes me is that apologizing when you ARE wrong should come easily if the conscience is active. But it does not. What is active is the ego and we cave in, and become slaves to our ego. There are cases when hurts pile up between two people over a period of time.

Actually, so much pile up is unhealthy. Often, one is a dominant defaulter and the other keeps quiet until one day, something gives way and the conflict acquires large dimensions.  And sometimes, it us because none is willing to extinguish igniting fires.

It is always better to voice your feelings the very first time you feel someone has wronged you. If you keep silent for whatever reasons, the damage to relationships gets unnecessarily worse. It is definitely not worth it. I find the closer the relationship, the more the intensity of hurt. People call me too idealistic but honestly, whatever the nature of the relationship, never stop stating your truth gently and firmly so the next time, people will be careful. 

And try to be simple, without drama and conflict. Ultimately, YOU and only you are responsible for how you feel and why. The entire onus of your life is yours and no one can make even a dent in you without your permission.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Glorification

Why did existence plant us in this world? Have you ever thought about it? Why did it plan that everything and everyone should be connected?

We were placed in different slots of affluence, work fields, and relationships to create a wholesome world in the image of the Divine. And when we led such lives, we exonerated ourselves and knew we were following the path laid out by the universe for ALL of us.

But what did some of us do? We started feathering our own nests, monopolizing resources given to us as gifts from the universe, indulging in   self-glorification and paying little heed to the ones who were less fortunate in many significant ways.

So, are we responsible for the world as it is today? If anyone says “no”, please think, reflect and internalize the values we have completely forgotten.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Lack of Awareness

Do you know what is most essential in life? It is gratitude to existence. We are completely unaware of who we are and where we belong. We are like rudderless ships in the dark night without this knowledge.

The system inherent in the universe works on certain universal values for souls who have been relegated to live on the earth for a few years.

The representation of nurturing humans has been given to parents. You know the story of Lord Ganesha and his brother Kartik? Lord Shiva asked the two to travel round the universe and the one who reached first would be the winner.  Kartik raced around the universe as fast as he could. When he reached home, Ganesha was already there. When asked, Ganesha replied that he had gone around his parents because THEY were his universe. This was the status of parents.

This constant connection to the divine rules was necessary to live through life with peace, harmony and lessons learnt.

The question papers had been given out by the universe for each one of us separately according to our plan for this life. But what did we do? We changed the question paper itself with our limited sense. And the world became full of conflicts, fear and man against man.

We don’t need fanaticism, criticism and fear. We need to understand that we are isolated in our journeys and the heart should be loving, compassionate and kind towards others who seem to be worse off, to help them and uplift them if possible. Crutches are not desirable though human support is a gift to us.

What we are doing is pulling people down to climb up the slippery slopes of an illusory hill. Utter ignorance and lack of awareness. 

Also, let us not forget that to pull people down you have to be below them. Are you content to live in that space? If not, then uplifting yourself is the only answer.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Generosity

 Generosity in people is a rare trait. Their smiles don’t come from the heart. Praise is even less forthcoming.

I have always wondered what smiling at and praising someone takes away from us. Anything? Nothing.

If we can only find ourselves comfortable and confident, both the traits are very natural and very human.

Yes, low self-esteem and feeling inadequate may be partially or wholly responsible!

There is no option but to examine these feelings and learn to overcome them. Because they are only perceptions that the world has gifted us . We don’t want or deserve such gifts. Instead, there are gifts we can give ourselves, like a high self, a right value system and confidence to stand alone if need be, within the light of truth .

Stay within your own light. And if there is darkness in any areas, dispel it and replace it with light.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Equanimity

When we have to face a heavy karma, all crutches are taken away from us and we are left alone to experience it. No one listens and no one understands at such times. These must be taken as tests. When we go for an exam, who writes the paper with us?

I don’t know why we feel entitled all the time! The universe decides what we deserve and when.

The ego energy is quite useless here. In fact, it causes more suffering by reacting negatively to our experiences. It compounds the issue on hand.

Wise people accept these with grace and equanimity. Others suffer!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Storm

I was in the eye of the storm. It was raging within me and around me. I was getting swept off! Desperately trying to hold on to something, I was also trying to find out where its source was and how to control it.

Behold! I realized it was in the “l” of the storm within me.

That’s life. We look outside for what is inside! And keep crying that we can’t find it.  Everyone’s story!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Ego

 Ego play between two people is the foul play of the mind. When there is hurt, it is always the ego that is hurt. We are far above this world of conflict. It is just drama created by the ego and we fall into its trap.

When we discuss the reasons for that hurt with a non-involved person, they don’t think it is a big deal. Because they are watching from outside.

The perfect learning IS to watch from outside and see it will appear very small and not worth destroying relationships for.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Relationships

Words can destroy relationships. Choose them wisely and economically. Wherever you absolutely need them, use them carefully. Otherwise silence is your best bet.

Wars have started with small indiscretions.  Misunderstandings have piled to a point of no return in relationships. .

It is always about “I”, “me” and “mine”.

The mind is the creative director of our heaven and hell on this earth and we happily give in.

Is conflict the essential nature of man? Or the ego insatiable about drawing blood from relationships?

Keep the company of spiritual texts instead of meaningless waste of time with non-essentials for the soul.  Life is very short.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Respect

It is amazing how limited and clouded a mind we walk around with. The more comfort there is around us, the less we are inclined to notice that clouded aspect of us.

How do we live with this heavy burden of our feelings of likes / dislikes, our jealousies and hatreds, our desire to wound people we dislike and at the same time, craving to be loved by everyone?  Does this also become a part of our comfort levels where we revel in such activities and derive a vicarious pleasure? Because the two are so contradictory and, impossible if I may say so.

The clouds that cover our mind will not let clarity enter. In the absence of clarity, we are unable to look through the opacity of those clouds and into our real selves.

That’s why we must avoid thoughts and emotions which are not crystal clear and pure. For this to happen, we need to love and respect ourselves first.

Self-respect should prevent any action by us that makes us fall in our own self estimation and from the grace within us if we have not forgotten the truth of who we are.

When people look at our goodness and righteousness, they also respect us because such people are rare and therefore, respect worthy.  Why then would we stoop down to levels where we don’t respect ourselves?

Maybe, we have had to struggle. Maybe, we have had to let go of memories of hurt, betrayal and more. But in all of this, if we have been able to stand upright as tall as the tree that faced several storms, our value as a human being would multiply manifold. To ourselves and to others.

And that is where we need to be to access the divine frequency.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Elevation

 It is so easy to give up on relationships! Without any thought, anyone who may have different perceptions and will state them becomes a persona non grata.

Gone is the time when opinions were welcomed. In fact, they were invited. People knew they could broaden their own perspectives by listening to others.  And they were humble enough to acknowledge that they could always learn more than they knew.

Today, people think only their perspectives, however narrow, are the only right ones.

This is not how growth happens. This is the perfect “frog in the well” syndrome where we may think we are kings but only within the limited periphery of the well.

To widen our horizons, it is necessary to come out of the dark well to see and experience what we never knew even existed, while in the well.

This need has been camouflaged to a large extent by superficial comfort levels. So, this is where we will spend the rest of our lives without ever witnessing our own elevation.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Karmic Cycle

 When we go through periods when nothing goes right for us and in fact, everything we try to do goes wrong, that is the time to lie low and understand that this shall pass. We could have stepped into a karmic cycle for a while. An astrologer would call it mal effects of certain planets. And we tend to either get impatient or go under.

This is the time to know there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Give yourself that hope and help others improve their coping mechanism.

No one can experience anyone else’s karma but a sincere moral support goes a long way to mitigate the dark phase and see a light of hope.

This is a big service to mankind.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Foolishness

 Your experiences should not make you a heavy person. Taking things in your stride preserves your personal health AND your sense of humor about life. Think of everyone as just playing roles here. Including yourself. To joke about yourself then becomes easier. Don’t take even yourself seriously.

You know why? Because everything passes. And WE too are passing.

Just think of how many times our body has changed since childhood. What changes has to pass.

When our clothes are in tatters, we have to buy new ones. So, one body passes and we get another. Within this reality, if we start clinging to everything and everyone, how does it help? In fact, it is the recipe for great suffering. And meaningless suffering.

So WHO clings? It is not ME but my EGO which clings to the worldly identity and refuses to let go. It also causes tremendous turbulence if we let it.

So folks, watch your experiences from far. As if you are watching a film. Laugh or cry with it but only while they are unfolding. Carrying them with you into your present and future is sheer foolishness. Please don’t indulge in it. Think about it!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Boundaries

I have realized that living life on your own terms needs wisdom and a lot of letting go! You end up disappointing many expectations, many people for whom you are a crutch in many different ways. But without wearing our blinkers, our perceptions lose focus. And we owe that focus to ourselves for our lives.

Boundaries become an essential part of your plan for your own journey.

But, those who have similar energies will always understand you. And will be thoughtful around you and respectful of your journey.

You win some and you lose some. But most importantly, you never lose yourself in this journey from beginning to the end of this life.

Of course, the journey soul of the soul is not confined to this one life only. As they say in Hindi “picture abhi baaki hai “.

Aham brahmasmi we rise like waves and settle back into the ocean, all the while permanently living within that endless ocean of existence, consciousness and bliss.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Peace

 There is so much freedom and peace in doing the right thing and not expecting a return. You reach there after plenty of heartburn though! But once you reach there, you look back and have a hearty laugh at yourself for being so silly as to expect what you THOUGHT you would get in return.

Humans are so changeable, at least, a lot of them. There are exceptions and those are so meaningful to us. And you are lucky if you have even one of that rare kind around you.

So, knowing this, it becomes easier to be civil to everyone, even help wherever and whenever you can, and feel happy you are in a position to make someone’s life easier and better.

Peace is not so difficult to achieve, after all.

Surekha Kothari

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

www.instagram.com/author_surekhakothari/

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Comfort Zone

 Ideally, we should gravitate towards people and experiences that will teach us and help us grow and evolve. But idealistic situations often remain just that: an ideal. They require a complete turn around from the superficial to the meaningful. They require sacrificing comfort for elevation. Yes, the two cannot go together.

If you stay on land and dream of conquering mountains, well there is no tax on dreaming but that is all it will be an unrealized dream.

Living in and around comfort zones is more for the weak hearted. And I don’t necessarily refer to climbing mountains here. I mean shaking yourself out of anything you find yourself settling into on a long term basis. At least, going beyond it once in a while, gaining new experiences and then maybe, returning to that comfort zone for a while.

I know the world is not always an easy place but it was never meant to be ! It is up to you to gain and lose according to who you are and what you can become or want to become or not!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari