Self-Destructive

“Letting go” is more a philosophical statement than a genuine attempt for most people. Sounds wise on the lips. But without any meaning if not practiced. The phrase is not meant to be just spoken about.

These are all personal practices for ourselves. We live in a family, in a community where there WILL be a wear and tear of emotions and feelings and even reactions in the name of being “human”. But instead of harboring the adversely affecting emotions, can we let go of them immediately as they arise? Knowing that they are harmful to us and no one else? Or do we come under the category of “self-destructive”?

Actually, we have a tendency to get into conflict, retaliate, get hurt, shun people and ultimately, lose relationships. And ironically, we are the ones who have suffered on that emotional see saw without seeing any change whatsoever in the people we have conflicted with, except blame for us.

The question I always ask myself is: would I carry a burning coal in my hands just because someone gave it to me? Obviously NOT!

But in many ways, we ARE carrying grouses within us, which are like carrying burning coals, which come from others because we don’t have the wisdom to LET GO. We are unable to focus on what is good for our mental health and peace of mind. And therein lies our core of restlessness and frustration.

When maturity finally dawns, we are able to laugh at ourselves at our earlier foolishness. And we automatically start to let go of the unnecessary burdens we carry.

Learning to discard and delete does not have to be learnt from AI. We have our own super intelligence we could use if we lessened our dependence on the opinions of others and delved into our own common sense department within our intelligence bank.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Privilege

There are moments of grief and moments of happiness for all souls. When we feel good, we want to hold that space forever. But often, it is only as steady as a house of cards. Until the next event arrives with its challenges.

Hopefully, instead of making our minds like a yoyo, we learn to learn to modify our thoughts and reactive patterns.

Personally, I have learnt that the position of an observer is the best. Let everything happen outside of you, observe, analyze and let go of what can be damaging, if internalized.

Maintaining the inner calm and peace against all odds makes you a role model. Because you have followed the ultimate teaching of being a “drashta”, an observer. Very difficult but a totally liberating learning, if achieved.

Having said this, humans are flawed. It is not easy to develop lofty ideals overnight. We are creatures of habit and the body of our thoughts has been trained to think and act as per our comfort level. The concepts of right and wrong have been diluted because that would mean overhauling your internal system and doing that is exhausting for most.

Within this context, wisdom is to streamline your life, retaining the people around who care and lend to each other’s happiness quotient as much as possible to counteract the oppressing circumstances that we all inevitably have to face as our karma keeps unfolding and throws challenges at us constantly.

This is HOPE and this is LIGHT. And this is the privilege and power to ascend.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Faith

Wisdom says “don’t overthink”. But it is not easy, especially when you crave answers that are not forthcoming any time soon. And as time passes and you live in more and more uncertainty, thoughts and questions deepen … overthinking is natural.

These symptoms are indicative of a need to be in control of your life. Uncertainty in the smaller things is still acceptable but when it concerns your important things like relationships, success, you need that knowledge to be comfortable.

Fear of the unknown is a major disaster waiting to explode anytime you can’t gauge or anticipate its severity. But conversely, you have no control over it either.

The only thing that makes sense then, is to hold on. And hold your wisdom in your space. To strengthen your resolve to remain steady within your faith, for that is worth holding space for, for miracles in your life.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Wisdom

When we are young, we are vulnerable. Life has not poked us enough. But as we move through life, all kinds of experiences are busy teaching us and we are kind of getting dragged by our see saw of emotions, now sinking and now swimming, gasping for breath, desperate for balance and survival.

By the time we learn to cope with all of these, we have lost our youth and gained the wisdom and strength we wish we had in our youth. We truly start living only after 40 or so. Until then, we ARE struggling to get stronger to face life headlong.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Vibration Energy

Recently, I was amused by a definition of “masks”. It said, sometimes, people smile at you with their eyes behind their backs! A creative way of defining duplicity.

If we are not vigilant, the smile can mislead us big time.

I don’t know why it is so necessary to wear a mask in the first place. Why is there so much to hide? Would it not be better to be more simple and forthright? Evidently not!

I was good enough at math to know 2 and 2 makes four. Today, it may add up to an irrational number!

Today, simple math does not work. There are complicated calculations at work and the brain is overloaded, not to mention the heart and other affected chakras.

All these videos that tell you things under “wisdom” only teach you to fear people and isolate yourselves. If you are constantly being suspicious of who means what, and who is out to “get” you, how do you live a productive life?

If we notice, all of us have a lonely space within us already. And we are complicating our lives by desperately seeking crutches to fill that space. It is of no use! Crutches are, at best, a short term illusion.

The only thing that works is your vibrations with the universal energy. It is protective. It is light to dispel all darkness.

Apart from our karmic pain, we have the pain of integrating our shadow side with our light side.

People who embark on this journey face several challenges, those of the death of the old and beginning of the new. AND isolation! Because people still have the image of the old “you” in their minds to judge and criticize. You can’t win. There is a huge price to pay here so, many just live on the way they know how, as comfortably as possible.

Surekha Kothari

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Darkness of Ignorance

 Can you imagine what would happen if the world was all dark? Mercifully, the light in the universe is always present. The only difference is; we have to HARNESS that light within us. That is why, if the effort is not made, darkness will be there by default.

Anything positive needs work. Movement has been given to us as a tool for momentum towards the right, the good and the truthful. Whereas, darkness is just the absence of light.

There are phases when humans become righteous and phases when the world plunges into the darkness of ignorance. And the imbalances between the light and dark keeps shifting from one side to the other without gaining center ground.

The irony is that the world has seldom seen a harmonious balance. And even if there have been such phases, they have been short. The human mind is unstable enough to overturn the good phases back into conflict ridden ones.

It may sound simplistic but if human aberrations could be transmuted by each one of them into virtuous living, it would transform societies and relationships.

The influx of positive thought and desire for positive action has to echo in the universe to gradually change the nature of vibrations we humans have ejected from within us into the universe: the vibrations of insecurity, hatred, ignorance, selfishness and a desire for revenge and pulling each other down instead of uplifting people.

Remember, if you throw mud at the sun, it will tire you out without affecting the sun. This is what our ignorance does for us. Our wisdom lies buried while we get frustrated in futile actions which get us nowhere except bury us further into stagnation.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Expectation and Attachment

 The irony in relationships is that when you start seeing the truth, often, you cannot state it to people openly.  It is not for nothing that silence has been recommended as the deepest form of wisdom.

It is amusing to see people being nice and even caring on your face but their actions and energy speak differently. And you can understand the duality in their nature.

It is a tough call when such a person is close to you. These are tests of learning to live without expectation and attachment. Because both end up upsetting you and deplete your energy.

There is definitely an amount of hurt which is unquantifiable. Hopefully, when you understand that it is not YOU, that each one has their own learning and timing of those lessons, that hurt will be mitigated.

Sometimes, you even wonder why they do this! It is so much easier to be simple and act as such. But yes! Easier said than done. And it takes work and more work to detach from the behavior of others, especially when it is devious towards you AND you are AWARE it is so.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Acceptability

 I am fascinated by the way people describe themselves vis a vis the way people look at them.

I think I am a realist but people think I am an idealist. I think am rational for the most part but people see me as irrational in many ways.

I think I am caring as a person but people brand me as indifferent, callous even.

You know what I am getting at, right? This is not only me but everyone I am speaking of.

How you see yourself and how people see you are two different angles.

How do you arrive at a consensus then, so that you create a win situation? That you are seen as somewhat congenial or antiseptic to grow into a community or take a path of “I really know who i am and I don’t need people to slot me”.

Most of us have tried to become the alchemist to blend our values into an acceptable whole for the sake of sheer acceptability. After all, we do live amongst people, all kinds of people with different perceptions, different sizes of baggage and different energies.

And yet, this is not easy! You will always end up upsetting some balance one way or another. 

Practically speaking therefore, you can only do what is within your power: have good intentions, be unaffected by other energies and carry on with life, knowing that the only controls you can exercise over are on yourself. And wisdom is the key. 

As for the rest … c’est la vie!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Pleasure

 I think all of us have faced a situation when we have to choose between the devil and the deep sea. It is amazing just how many pieces of advice come our way, making it even worse for when we are in a quandary.

At such times, even truth becomes blurred and whichever way we go, there is no easy path. Sometimes, choices can be difficult.

But, there is always one of those two paths which in the long run, has salutary effects while the other creates more issues. The condition is, the choices exercised ultimately must have wisdom and courage behind them. Standing your ground with honesty and pure intentions is the only way.

Yes, you will leave many unhappy, disgruntled people around you but that’s okay. The litmus test is NOT creating unintentional displeasure for many but facing your own soul with complete ease.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Silence

There are daily stimuli and our responses to them. But we seldom have the awareness of that minuscule pause between them. That pause goes unnoticed because of our lack of awareness. And therefore, that pause which is actually there for us to respond with thought and wisdom becomes a reaction. Only because the ego just flies in to that pause and takes over to change our would have been response to a hasty reaction.

Naturally, if an object comes hurtling towards you, you will instinctively change course to avoid it. But when it comes to a stimulus coming from objects of our dislike, we retaliate instead of changing course at that time. We prefer a collision, a clash also, more than our peace.

This is really strange when we think of it. Two responses to similar stimuli.

People think silence is weakness but it can be the most powerful tool in our evolution. We don’t have to respond each time. Silence works very well. It gives clarity to our thoughts so much so that when we act, it becomes an act of wisdom.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Principles of Criticism

 This morning, I came across a very important fact in Swamiji’s talk. Makes you think! He talks about principles of criticism.

Jokingly, he says, people who say brutal truths to others about them are often very sensitive when the same is pointed out to them. These are people who are often more interested in brutality than truth. Very often, we find that those who love to criticize cannot face it themselves. In fact, they can’t bear it.

In the scriptures, this is not recommended. They ask you to resist from saying truths of this kind. Instead, they advocate love.

If you have compassion, you need to be gentle and nurturing even in pointing out something to another. Just as you would expect from others.

Actually, critics are those who keep you clean without soap and water. Saints almost never criticize, as you will learn from every Buddha story. But how did he handle people? With warmth and love. Human beings should help each other rise above karmic frailties.

Everyone does not have a charmed life to be able to always be mindful about accepting suffering and hurt gracefully. Life has a heavy karmic agenda for many. For some, the unexpectedness of adversities can be shocking even. But still, they manage whichever way they can. They probably think they have done wonders despite the constant onslaught of karma. However, others around them cannot see the blood tears that have been shed.

That’s why wisdom says, don’t tell anyone what you have endured and continue to endure. More criticism will be the only outcome. There can be a lot of desire to hurt behind the criticism. But, we must be warned that this is not the territory of God.

So, Silence is the best. It is your karma. You face it.

So, tell the truth to someone out of love and gently, in a way that it is accepted and will bring about a welcome change. Let it not result in a vicarious pleasure of having told someone off. And understand that when there is non-acceptance and anger of the person you heap criticism on, that you really need cleaning up as well. Let us worry about our own growth first.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Maturity

 

Start your day with a prayer. Make an intention that lasts through the day. Conserve your energy for productive work. Stay away from anything and anyone who creates toxicity in your day.

The most important learning is that no one is indispensable in your world and that you have to create your own little world of peace and happiness. There is plenty around you that can give you both. Maturity and wisdom are the tools. Learning from mistakes is a simultaneous process.

Claim your power and if you have given it away unconsciously or even to undeserving people out of love, reclaim it.

Live in the higher realm of your mind and use your heart wisely.

Decorate each day with your special brand of harmony and joy.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Forgiveness

 Please don’t hate family and don’t practice enmity either. There is a karmic reason for being together. There may be unfinished business from other lives that needs healing. That is why we have been given a chance by the universe to be related by blood. Healing is what we must do, not by distancing but with love and forgiveness.

There is always goodness in everyone. We just fail to connect with it , both in ourselves AND in others. If there was no goodness, we would not be connecting with anyone.

When we put friends above family, we forget that those very friends have issues with their own families. Then why do we find it in our hearts to shun family and make “friends” outside?

Growing up, we had our siblings and cousins as friends. Today, there are distances. Very unfortunate that our egos are more separatist today !

Let us try and rethink our relationships, especially with regard to where we have failed in wisdom. Because where there is love and forgiveness, there is always wisdom.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Fact of Life

 

In our generation, parents were parents first. The friendship angle came only after enough and more respect and obedience were given to them. Defying them and their teachings were a tad difficult and often, impossible. But we grew up just fine, in fact, with an enquiring but aware mind which assessed the value systems we were taught and found them to aid the human touch that makes us human beings of some calibre.

With the onset of insular families, parents gradually started feeling the need to compensate for the lack of senior members of the family that were distanced. So, they felt the need to become friends.

Naturally, all formality had to be dispensed and conversation had to be tweaked to suggest a reduction of the age gap. Simultaneously then, the respect between child and parent also reduced. And soon, parents found their wisdom falling on deaf ears.

There is nothing black or white in life. But, this informality and right to be friends removes a very essential barrier between the teachers and the taught. All filters are removed and children unknowingly start to disrespect the wisdom of their parents, sometimes, even teachers. Consequentially, the conflict between the two increases and becomes a fact of life.

Of course, there is love. How can there not be? But it recedes into the background in the wake of such conflicts that arise from egos and the inability to re-introduce the boundary lines which have been blurred considerably and crossed many times.

I think the quest to teach generations the old Indian model of relationships based on love and respect must made a reality in no uncertain terms. That environment itself has been missing since a very long time. And the concept of “independence” is now based on the all-consuming right to deny / disobey all advice that is not palatable even if it is wise.

How do you infuse the right blend of respect and friendship? The right and effective balance for a harmonious family life?

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

A Pinch of Wisdom

 

To get even a pinch of wisdom, we go through a lot of struggle. Of experiencing desire, cravings, anger, envy etc. and then finally, the acceptance that some things are not in our hands. This is one pinch of wisdom but the struggle may be a very long one. We all live on hope. And while there is hope, we often fail to see things as they are.

Hope is not a bad thing. However, an acceptance of the current reality makes life easier, even if it is unpalatable. And change can happen too. Anytime!

The whole world prays since there is a basic realization that only that X factor called God can help. That is the bottom line after realization dawns.

The pinch of wisdom! Surrender!

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Quote of the day

 

Wisdom

 

There is never any end to discovering new aspects of our self every day. We are so unlimited actually but still so limited when it comes to our conscious mind dealings. Our awareness is basically confined to what our senses can discern.

When we look beyond, we see a sub conscious mind which holds our many secrets! Many memories! Much lingering feelings we have not healed.

So it is that we suffer, due to the triggers that force a certain kind of behavior. And it seems to bubble up from nowhere.

Healing becomes difficult when we either think wrong or have no time for reflecting. Or even when we hold onto everything we should drop immediately.

Wisdom is the only answer. That dawns when we start looking into and accepting ourselves. Only then, having seen our flaws, will we have the incentive to correct them.

This won’t happen unless we bare ourselves to ourselves.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Spiritual Environment

 

The cause for much suffering is the realization that things could have been done differently. We see a heavy price being paid for our actions.

On the flip side is the dawn of knowledge that nothing COULD have been done differently until the dawn of knowledge, that there was karmic fallout to experience.

Only out of deep suffering comes the thirst for spiritual knowledge although the exposure to a spiritual environment may have been since very early in life.

Attachment is like a leech that does not get unstuck easily. In fact, sometimes never! Leading to hurts, anger, unfulfilled expectations and sometimes the shock of having a diametrically opposite life than envisaged for oneself.

The equations are warped. Simplicity and straightforwardness is equal to suffering. Suffering is due to not knowing any better, translating into ignorance. Wisdom eludes us until “ prarabdha” karma is around us. And vision starts clearing after a great deal of effort and working on oneself.

By the time the vision clears, there is a lot of damage done. But unless our minds extricate from the world, spiritual knowledge cannot be translated into actual practice. One needs to get into the eye of the storm to experience the aftermath of peace.

People say it is better to skim the surface of life rather than suffer. As if it is in the hands of humans! And is that a wise option anyway?

To cultivate wisdom and virtue can take many lifetimes. Avid students of Vedanta also find the worldly journey difficult. But one has to look ahead and bring in the light into our lives, however much darkness may envelope us. And be confident that the light is just beyond the darkness, even if the darkness seems like it is pitch black at the time.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Quote of the day

 

Quote of the day