In our generation, parents were
parents first. The friendship angle came only after enough and more respect and
obedience were given to them. Defying them and their teachings were a tad
difficult and often, impossible. But we grew up just fine, in fact, with an
enquiring but aware mind which assessed the value systems we were taught and
found them to aid the human touch that makes us human beings of some calibre.
With the onset of insular
families, parents gradually started feeling the need to compensate for the lack
of senior members of the family that were distanced. So, they felt the need to
become friends.
Naturally, all formality had to
be dispensed and conversation had to be tweaked to suggest a reduction of the
age gap. Simultaneously then, the respect between child and parent also
reduced. And soon, parents found their wisdom falling on deaf ears.
There is nothing black or white
in life. But, this informality and right to be friends removes a very essential
barrier between the teachers and the taught. All filters are removed and
children unknowingly start to disrespect the wisdom of their parents,
sometimes, even teachers. Consequentially, the conflict between the two
increases and becomes a fact of life.
Of course, there is love. How can
there not be? But it recedes into the background in the wake of such conflicts
that arise from egos and the inability to re-introduce the boundary lines which
have been blurred considerably and crossed many times.
I think the quest to teach
generations the old Indian model of relationships based on love and respect
must made a reality in no uncertain terms. That environment itself has been
missing since a very long time. And the concept of “independence” is now based
on the all-consuming right to deny / disobey all advice that is not palatable
even if it is wise.
How do you infuse the right blend
of respect and friendship? The right and effective balance for a harmonious
family life?
Surekha Kothari
surekhakothari.wordpress.com
Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari
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