Counselling

 

Dharma by Design

 

Peaceful space

When you reach a stage in life where you have faced the onslaught of life in many ways, seen people who are fickle and not loyal, have taken the heat of many negative moments until your hair is grey and your brain cells groaning for some rest, you have finally made it as a senior citizen. Now just chill and Relax! Have a char minar, as they say. There is no need to explain you to anyone. If people love you, they will try to understand you. If not, God bless them all. Just stay within your peaceful space and let the world fly around you.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Quote of the day

A Nomadic life

A nomadic life is such a free life in so many ways. They have little opportunity to get attached to places because they never stay long enough . And even the few days are spent mostly amidst nature. In tents. Yes, they seem to be a close knit community and therefore, attached to and protective of their own . Lifestyle diseases elude them at the best of times and worst of times. Happiness is not a special acquisition.

City bred folks have all kinds of issues. For sunlight , they have to specially go into the sunlight. For exercise to the gym. There is little informal meeting and more meeting friends with appointments. What happened to the word “spontaneity”? Not to mention the artifice that seems to set in , often as a part of the survival kit, among other pretensions.

Simple pleasures are simply not sought. Those days are gone when small town life also made frequent inroads into nature . And the five star culture has deprived people of the wonderful experience of living on farms and rustic life. Even farms have five star homes now.

Spoilt, aren’t we ? But more than that , we have lost out on the beauty of being one with nature. I guess, what you have never experienced, you don’t miss.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Quote of the day

Quote of the day

Quote of the day

Self Help

Quote of the Day

Tip of the Week

Living in the Past

Memoirs are what memories create. Some happiness, some tears, some agony. As we grow older, we seem to start dwelling on the past very naturally. I always used to wonder why the older generation talks so much about their past. I guess, when we are younger, there is so much to look forward to. Our energy levels are high and life seems to stretch in front of our line of vision as having many goals to look forward to. Towards the evening of our lives, a saturation point is reached for many people. Some others retire from their workplace because they have to. Some pass on their work to the next generation. Some opt to resign and take life easy after many years of hard work.

For all of these people, there seem to be many experiences in the past to talk about. There is a lot of learning there for those who listen. But, to handle a phase of inactivity or less activity can get very difficult as well. Not everyone can accept this phase graciously.

Our sense of self esteem depends hugely on how occupied we are, and, more important, how this places us in the eyes of the world. When our identity comes from the approval of others, anonymity can be very unsettling. If life can be viewed as a series of phases, it would be easier to accept changes, both within ourselves and the external set of circumstances.

What is really the issue here is that there is little to look forward to. There are no new goals for many. Actually, the world has opened up so many opportunities that we can learn something new every day. Recently, I saw a computer class with seventy year old individuals and I was thrilled! When so many new vistas open up the Mind, and we have the child within us alive and motivated enough to keep learning, the present and future become so exciting that the past ceases to be a compulsive memory and remains dormant within us, to be brought up at will when lessons from it need to be remembered.

The productive use of each present moment is the key to living rather than existing on past memories just because we don’t see anything before us that would adorn our present and future.

        Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

RESPECT AND EXPECTATIONS

This morning, I was listening to an interview with Shivani of the Brahmakumaris. I don’t know of any individual engaged in the search for truth who doesn’t listen to her interviews with rapt attention. She has the art of making life so simple just by her analysis of what people do what they do and how they should think.

The feeling of “respect” is directly proportionate to the expectations we have. We say we respect elders, our family members and also some friends. But, at every step, we ourselves show that in reality, we don’t.

The simple fact is that we are constantly judgmental. If, for example, someone comes late, we get angry because we expect them to be on time. That person may have had reasons to be late but our expectations were that they should be on time because that’s the way WE like things to happen, punctually. This actually means that our expectations are making us unstable and unhappy. It demonstrates that we are giving the late comer power over us by basing our mental and emotional health on their actions. It also means that we want to control the other person and even the environment and cannot accept that just as we want the freedom to be who we are, so, we have to extend the same respect to others.

Another example Shivani gave is of expecting a child to get a first grade. A parent says words of encouragement to the child by saying,”you can do it”. But to add the phrase” or else” will spark off pressure of expectations in the child. The message we send in this case is a conditional one, that we may lose respect for the child if it does not perform as per our expectations. We are trying to control the child and not letting the child be in charge of its own motivation and goals.

While listening to Shivani’s interview, I realized that I don’t know anyone who actually has a genuine respect for anyone. It has been an eye opener. The moment our well being and happiness begins to depend on our ability to control people and environment through expectations, we don’t even respect ourselves, let alone others.

The transformational word here is “ACCEPT” the way people are. Separate the individual from the act. We have the right to set our own parameters for living but, just as we would expect that we are accepted for who we are with all our traits and personality, we must also give the required respect to others to continue to be who they are. Otherwise, relationships will always be in conflict and could even find a closure. Forget others, our relationship with ourselves will be in conflict because our minds will always be in turmoil.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

RE INVENTING YOURSELF

This process of re inventing yourself ever so often is a very exciting one. I see so many bored people around me. They have the affluence and everything money can buy, but they don’t know what to do with themselves. There is no motivation, no drive. There is no attempt to venture into new pastures and learn from the endless aspects life has to offer. There is a buried treasure in all of us, just waiting to be discovered.

I have seen an external kind of re inventing in women when they dress up with a different look each time with a great deal of enthusiasm. I have seen men don many a face to impress women. There seems to be much activity centered around the mirror and some of it around the personality traits, of which some may be genuine and some acquired to impress.

What concerns me is the subtle erosion of self esteem and a subtle stress that creeps up unobtrusively when the mind is idle and non creative. Creativity is the one major requirement in re inventing ourselves. I always think of the “All the world’s a stage” statement of Shakespeare. Imagine what we can do with our lives if we decided to actually live this statement! There would never be a dull moment. We would be donning new costumes and new roles with each act as well as attempting to live that role on stage. Why is this attitude missing in real life?

What creates this complete inertia, this boredom, this ennui that even the best dressed person cannot hide for long under a mask or a garb of pretence or by the frenzy of partying continuously?

Actually, we don’t really know what to do with ourselves. The zest for life comes naturally as a gift to some and some have to acquire it. It is the latter that is a challenge. It is all a matter of perception and how we use our creativity. Do we let it become just a fad or do we actually use it as a natural aspect of ourselves? There is an eternal fountain of creativity in all of us and with our active imaginations, we can turn the most basic and boring chore to an exciting event. The pre condition is that we stop labeling activities according to the condition of our minds.” I can do it but I don’t feel like, at this time”, is a revealing statement signifying low energy and low incentive. Since we brought it on ourselves, only we can change ourselves to make the desired shift to vibrancy and verve.

I love being around children because they are so bubbly, so full of beans and so adventurous. Have you seen a child making a sand castle by the sea shore? It will painstakingly reconstruct the castle every time a bit of it falls, and each time, it will build a slightly different one. Even if the waters of the ocean wash it away, it will start building all over again with the same zeal and excitement. Adults mostly lack this spontaneity and spirit.

What we do is definitely important to us but HOW we do it is the part that causes adults grief because we are more concentrated on how others are going to perceive what we do. This takes away the joy of the act. In comparison, children are not bothered about anything except their own pleasure in their ability to create something. I think children instinctively understand that the journey has to be enjoyable. As adults, many of them lose the “child” within them.

By conforming to and emulating the children’s standards, adults can re invent themselves every day. A musician can play the same tune, changing it a little each time to make it sound like a new one. A homemaker can improvise the same menu to taste different each time. An Engineer can learn dancing. If one career doesn’t go anywhere, there is always scope to divert our career path to another direction. Life can be fun also.

In reality, we are all a sum total of many personalities that live within us. We can activate one or more of these whenever we want, if we understand and appreciate our creativity. Then, Shakespeare’s words would start acquiring a depth of meaning and possibilities. When he calls human beings actors with different roles to play, is he wrong? Aren’t we donning different roles and trying to juggle them successfully? We have several jack-in-the-box type people inside us that pop up with the right triggers. We need to dare to go with those triggers and explore new horizons creatively.

We are creatures who can invent and re invent ourselves. This is a God given gift and a wonderful one at that. I have done that all through my life by changing from an academician to a dancer to a musician to heading organizations to becoming a Hypnotherapist. It has been a phenomenal journey once I decided I would wear the attitude of discovering myself, the world and beyond. I could never have done this if I had not taken the risk of being different and sometimes, isolated, because, It is difficult to do exceptional things with the approval of those around, especially when the visions are not in sync. However, the experiences one gets along the way are irreplaceable and one doesn’t realize how quickly one travels from the space of “lonely” to “alone” joyfully and willingly.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Knots and Crosses

Since childhood, one of my most favorite games has been “Naughts and Crosses”. The challenge of getting three crosses or three zeros together in a row to win just never wore off and continues to excite me even today. While playing recently, it suddenly struck me how similar this game was to life.

How we love to tie ourselves up in knots, and the result is that we come to “naught”! When I looked up the Dictionary meaning of “naught”, the words “nothing”, “lost”, “ruined”, “worthless”, “useless”, “immoral”, “wicked” and phrases like “come to nothing”, “be without results”, “fail”, “regard as of no importance” and “disdain” sprang up at me. I always knew that a game is a character building exercise because it teaches us to be a good loser and a humble winner; humble, because the next time, we could lose.

The next word “crosses” turned out to be equally meaningful. The cross is one of the most ancient human symbols, and symbolizes the union of the concepts of divinity through the vertical line, and the world through the horizontal line. The symbolism of Jesus being crucified is deeply rooted in his purity and spirituality as a living embodiment of the perfect meeting of divinity and humanity.

The entire journey of the human soul to reach the meeting point of the two lines can be defined as “life”. The crosses we have to bear during our journey are the deflections from our path which happen due to our own narrow vision, due also to the lack of soul knowledge and the purpose of our journey. The “I” identity which is given to us to heal our negative files from many lives becomes blurred between worldly pleasures and the Divine Plan. Like the game, we start with a challenge but often get confused with where to place the crosses and where to work with the stillness in the “nothingness” of the “naughts”.

Now, I have made a game out of every game I play. I look for lessons for life in every move and this has shifted my consciousness onto a much larger plane. Everything and every moment in our lives have learning if we choose to learn with an open mind.

Simplicity, love and letting go are enough to untie the knots we put around us by surface reactions inspired by our ego. Let us learn to look beyond the facade of temporary reactions to discover the intrinsic worth of a human being. This will automatically lessen the crosses of small and large misunderstandings, wounds and scars of the perceptions of betrayals or wrong doings and keep us lighter and emotionally stronger to walk through life with a smile.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: http://www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE

I counsel many of my clients about taking charge of their lives. But, at what point does that happen?  How does it happen? Does a bell suddenly ring in the head, like the school bell indicating a change in activity? Or, is there a sudden spark in the brain?

That triggers at the right time can change me drastically is a truth I can’t deny. This can happen to anyone. But life changing triggers can often be compelling and often, passed by because we don’t perceive them as triggers. In the latter case, I will start building up repeated patterns for sure, because I will continue to behave in the same manner and therefore, evidently, attract the same results.

So, what do I mean when I say “take charge of your life”? We are not even aware of the extent to which we live our lives by the standards and expectations of others. Socially, when we indulge in group activities, we conform to a group standard. At home, we are bogged down by many diverse energies amidst which we often lose our own. Even if we were isolated, our own desires and expectations from ourselves and life would invariably strike at our core existence issues.

I understand taking charge of my life, not as doing what I like without consideration for others. I feel when I am in charge of my life, I am able to make conscious choices and take balanced decisions, which would benefit everyone. I take charge of my life at every step during each day.  I also realize that sometimes, I am not able to take charge and I find other people or events have taken charge at that point. The only way I can then take charge is to accept gracefully what I cannot change. That, in my mind, is also taking charge.

  

If we are looking for a formula for taking charge, the route we have to take is through being masters of our thoughts and emotions and understanding that compromises are unavoidable sometimes, and also necessary for our growth. For example, one who loses a tournament is in charge if the attitude is an “accepting with a smile” one. I am in charge if I accept what I cannot change but renew my efforts with a new vigor each time.

Emotions play a very important role in deciding if I am in charge. The moment I internalize negative emotions about anyone or anything, I am no longer in charge because I have allowed my negativity to take away my power. Lost power always translates into a lack of charge.  The moment I create blocks within me, I am no longer in charge of my life. Something or someone has affected me enough to wrest my charge away from me.

We keep passing the buck onto to anyone and everyone. We are reticent about shouldering the responsibility of what, in fact, we create with our reactions and responses. The day we stop blaming our relationships, the events in our life and start thinking of where we exercised the wrong choices, where we preferred short term gains by giving up charge, where we compromised wrongly, why we put ourselves under the control of someone, that will be the first step towards regaining the charge. First, I need to know why and where I lost it. Then I need to have the courage to make changes, however challenging, to retrieve the charge of my life. Finally, I need to embark upon a new plan of action inspired by the core self.

People who have the charge of their lives have a glow on the face, confidence in their eyes and in their stride. They are not fazed by failure, criticism nor are they remotely connected with negativity. They are leaders and teachers. They are path finders. They are on the path of ascension.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

GOD! ARE YOU LISTENING?

Many have often declared stoically that they are atheists. Let them profess to be so in a dire situation or crisis! When push comes to shove and all efforts fail, “someone up there” is there to fall back on. We live in a whirlpool of theories about “God”, that unseen power. Although we believe in the goodness of God, we wage wars “in the name of God”. We think God is light but we are happy to live in the dark: dark thoughts, dark words and equally dark deeds. We think there is an old, wise being “up there” who pours over a big, black book of debits and credits with a view to punishing humans. Quaint but amusing!

We can discuss God “ad nauseum” but the truth is, God can only be experienced as popularly theorized. Those who have absolute faith in prayer and the subtle energies have been privy to such experiences as have people who consider themselves “ordinary” vis-a-vis some others who are “extraordinary”. “God! Are you listening?”

The terms “ordinary” and “extraordinary” are mere perspectives based on perceived success and failure. Just today, I heard someone say, “courage is not the opposite of fear; it is driven by fear”. Similarly, for human beings, God is driven by crisis or disaster of any kind. God is our Disaster Manager. God is one who is expected to become active when humans can’t deal with a serious, even life threatening situation. Or, this is what WE believe. Would you believe me if I said that we all have the qualities of God within us but no intention, awareness, effort or realization? What would you say if I said that if we hadn’t polluted our energies by sullying ourselves in the muddy waters of this transient world, we could actually elevate ourselves to becoming spiritual masters like the Buddha, Lord Rama, Jesus Christ and others? The buck lies with us supported by God’s grace. “God! Are you listening?’’

  

God can be experienced in many ways. The sudden appearance of a stranger on a lonely road who gives you a lift to your home is no coincidence. You are looking for a book in a bookshop but you pick up a completely different book, which has an answer you have been looking for since quite sometime. You are alone and depressed when a friend forces you to go out and you meet someone there who later, becomes your life partner. A long lost friend re enters your life suddenly when you are in abject need of support.

The point is, are we just staring at the signs of the presence of God without understanding or are we actually aware and cognizant of God given help and opportunities?  But simultaneously, we need to make ourselves worthy to attract the godly energy. We need to increase our levels of cleansing and awareness to actually feel God within ourselves constantly; through substantiating God by living exemplary lives of which God, our “parent” energy can be proud. Let us invite God’s grace every living moment. “God! Are you listening?”

Surekha Kothari          

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

“MEANINGLESS GOALS”

A farmer had a dog that used to sit by the roadside waiting for vehicles to come around. As soon as one came he would run down the road, barking and trying to overtake it. One day a neighbor asked the farmer “Do you think your dog is ever going to catch a car?” The farmer replied, “That is not what bothers me. What bothers me is what he would do if he ever caught one.”

Many people in life behave like that dog who is pursuing meaningless goals. There is always a personal definition of “meaningless” for each of us. Life has so much to offer that it is often very difficult to make the right choices for ourselves. Sometimes, we may think we have made them, but the resulting experience may ring hollow. So, there is little satisfaction in the whole exercise.

The good news is that this kind of experience helps us search further and this search takes us forward in our journey towards evolution. We need to know what to do, of course, but it is also equally important to understand what not to do.

I see many judgmental people who are looking at the lives of others with a microscope. If we really think about it, do we really know what the components of someone else’s journey are? It is very possible that what we perceive as “meaningless” may be very meaningful in their journey. So, again, “meaningless” becomes a very subjective feeling.

Taking off from the story of the dog, maybe, its journey of chasing cars is exciting. Maybe, it will get tired when it gets tired and then, starts to look for something else which may excite him.

The thought I am attempting to present here is, there is nothing meaningless in life. Everything happens for a reason because everything has a built in lesson for us. Maybe, the owner of the dog should have chased cars to see what lies in that experience.

The learning is, do what your heart tell you. Be happy. Everything works if there is a flow of energy that doesn’t create any blocks. Every breath we take is also an experience because we really don’t know if it going to be our last one.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Need or Want?

Very early in life, we were taught that patience is one of the most coveted qualities and is a part of learned behavior. I have learnt that it is in proportion with our needs and their fulfillment. The law of demand and supply is directly proportionate to our levels of patience. It is a need of a baby to be fed instantaneously when it is hungry. These are called “demand feeds” because patience is an unknown word to the little baby. But as age advances, the natural needs change into wants, a scenario where patience AND ethics take a back seat many a time. 

“I can’t wait “is a common phrase heard everywhere, whether it pertains to a simple need like “needing” to go for a movie, or, a more compelling one like “needing” to become a multi millionaire. Both are wants, not needs. At some point, most of us start using the words “want” and “need “ as synonyms, though they are far from being synonyms. “I “want” this because it is my “need”, is a common place feeling. Our mind cannot separate the two because our needs become wants over a period of time. What we want is not necessarily what we need. Our needs are basic to our survival while on this earth, whereas our wants are inspired by a desire for excesses, extras, and greed for “just a little more”. The latter are imbalances of ego driven insecurities and desires within us. When our wants start multiplying, it means we are indulging ourselves and craving for more than what is needed to sustain us through life.

When it is a question of wanting, we are like instant coffee. Everything must be achieved NOW. I used to teach vocal music to a few students who wanted to perform after doing four or five classes when we had practiced for years to reach a common minimum standard. It is understandable that getting an endorsement or approval from others is great feeling. But those who have their goal defined and the determination and perseverance to achieve it with patience are more likely to have the depth of knowledge to be successful. Patience is a long path to amazing rewards. “Too much too soon” does not define wisdom. I guess, the satisfaction of a need is its own reward but the satisfaction of a want breeds more and more “wanting” to which the satiation levels are not well defined or guaranteed.

At the same time, we also need to ask ourselves how much we need in order to be happy. Not much really! If we didn’t seek our identities in the eyes of other people, we would lead a much more stress free life and also be satisfied with what we have. Our “wants” are perhaps more for social recognition than anything else. Many of us have more than we need and some have much more than they will ever need.

Philosophers and Thinkers have always emphasized the concept of “simple living and high thinking” for a good reason. The more we get involved with comparisons of material gains and walk into the race for “one upmanship”, the more our wants increase, gradually becoming out of control. The imbalance thus caused shifts the focus from what we are here to achieve as spiritual beings to illusory gains in a temporary world, a world which we are actually just passing through in our journey. For a very short lived satisfaction, therefore, are we digressing from our evolutionary path?

The time for introspection is now.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Living in the Past

Memoirs are what memories create. Some happiness, some tears, some agony. As we grow older, we seem to start dwelling on the past very naturally. I always used to wonder why the older generation talks so much about their past. I guess, when we are younger, there is so much to look forward to. Our energy levels are high and life seems to stretch in front of our line of vision as having many goals to look forward to. Towards the evening of our lives, a saturation point is reached for many people. Some others retire from their workplace because they have to. Some pass on their work to the next generation. Some opt to resign and take life easy after many years of hard work.

For all of these people, there seem to be many experiences in the past to talk about. There is a lot of learning there for those who listen. But, to handle a phase of inactivity or less activity can get very difficult as well. Not everyone can accept this phase graciously.

Our sense of self esteem depends hugely on how occupied we are, and, more important, how this places us in the eyes of the world. When our identity comes from the approval of others, anonymity can be very unsettling. If life can be viewed as a series of phases, it would be easier to accept changes, both within ourselves and the external set of circumstances.

What is really the issue here is that there is little to look forward to. There are no new goals for many. Actually, the world has opened up so many opportunities that we can learn something new every day. Recently, I saw a computer class with seventy year old individuals and I was thrilled! When so many new vistas open up the Mind, and we have the child within us alive and motivated enough to keep learning, the present and future become so exciting that the past ceases to be a compulsive memory and remains dormant within us , to be brought up at will when lessons from it need to be remembered.

The productive use of each present moment is the key to living rather than existing on past memories just because we don’t see anything before us that would adorn our present and future.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com