Being kind to others is intrinsic to Indian culture. It is a part of our upbringing and the value system that is firmly ingrained in our formative years. Definitely, our connectivity with people makes this a requirement. However, what makes this exercise more meaningful is when kindness comes from the heart and has no personal benefit but a philanthropic one, and then it becomes a joyful experience.
However, when kindness is practiced with strings attached, it loses its meaning and we start becoming unkind to ourselves. Intention is the prime thought and this is what manifests within us as a debit or credit. So, it is not necessary that overt kindness will bring us brownie points, in fact, quite the reverse. As they say, you can hide your true motives from others but not from yourself. So, every time we make use of others for our own gains by making pretence of kindness, our wrong motives block our energy and deprive us of our moral strength.
The other aspect we need to look into very seriously is our negative reactions to events and people. We are unable to accept people as they are and get judgmental constantly. We are angry, resentful, filled with envy or hatred. We hurt people because we are hurt by them or because we want to feel good by hurting them. We choose to misunderstand people we don’t like very much. Sometimes, we retaliate out of an inferiority complex. Often, our ego becomes very fragile and we become very sensitive. At these times, our levels of self confidence and self esteem are low. We tend to blame others for our own shortcomings.
Why do we go through these complexities when we can be simple? The best remedy is knowledge out of which comes wisdom .Our self image can be enhanced by becoming aware of and accepting what we need to change in ourselves. This awareness and acceptance of ourselves will take us forward in empowering ourselves.
These exercises of self analysis and facing our selves are compulsory steps to start being kind to oneself. It also means that we have to be cruel to ourselves to be kind. We have to analyze our psyche, often mercilessly, to start the process of change. It is a hard task but those who have done it have benefited hugely.
Just as we have to have surgery to cure a physical ailment, we have to do a psychological surgery to our mind consistently until we internalize the feeling of peace and joy. This will be the biggest kindness to us.
Surekha Kothari
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