How times and people change!

I am constantly amazed at myself and the complete metamorphosis within myself. During my growing up years and much after, until a few years ago, I was such a romantic, such a sentimental person! Addicted to watching four movies a day during my holidays, I became an effective story teller to my cousins who would sit with rapt attention at my emotive narrations, with every expression and every nuance of the dialogue delivery by every actor imitated to perfection! After I was done with the romance, laughter, tears and anger of the film characters, my cousins felt they didn’t need to see the film at all! Today, I recognize that time in my life as a phase. It is difficult for me to sit through one movie today.

If I may use a generalization, youngsters go through pangs of love, separation, fulfillment, “stars in the eyes” phase, reading poetry moony- eyed and all of that and more. The rose colored spectacles stay on longer for some than others.

However, as we progress from this phase to the next, we should increase our vision to become more inclusive of other people, their trials and tribulations, their miseries and tragedies, and then, romantic notions will probably seem inadequate in terms of wholesome growth. There is a great sense of satisfaction and joy in reaching out beyond ourselves and an equally great sense of exhaustion and lack of purpose in living just for ourselves.

There is profound truth in the line from Urdu poetry, “aur bhi gham hain zamane mein mohabbat ke siva”, meaning that there are more tragedies in this world than romantic love”. It indicates that focusing on just this one aspect is being spiritually myopic and by inference, there are other forms of love that need activation, such as compassion and empathy.

Changes, both in thoughts and perspectives are inevitable and can be very meaningful if we can change our priorities and adapt to these changes successfully. It is called “moving with the times”. It is incredible then, that while some can see others changing, others are unable to see the change within themselves. Any shift in equation is upsetting for such people because either they haven’t learnt to move on or they are unable to handle their comfort levels being disturbed by the changes around them.

Moving forward also means “letting go” of past events while learning the lessons from it. So, logically speaking, those who “let go” are able to move forward faster and respond and adapt to change better.

None of us is today what we were yesterday and will not be tomorrow what we are today. Change is a subtle process that creeps up on us unless we see it happening with a microscopic sense of self awareness. The whole process of personal growth relies on a gradual build up of this very awareness which enables us to watch the process of change and make intelligent choices about the kind of change to accept or deny. The pre condition is that we need the wisdom of discernment to encounter change with a strainer in one hand and a balance in the other: to accept growth – oriented change and balance it with the existent principles, traditions and values we cherish.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

Blog: surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: http://www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

“FOR THE YOUTH”

The youth of today is in a very exciting space which is filled with many scientific and technological advantages. A vast vista of opportunities has opened up before them due to the professionalization of services. At the same time, there has been a steady infiltration and influence of other cultures and thought processes through the telecom and Internet revolution. The world has shrunk manifold in that sense.

In such circumstances, the greatest challenge for the youth of India is to process the inputs from other cultures to integrate them harmoniously with our age old, distinctive cultural heritage and traditions. The nurturing of a family, respect for the elders, the value systems we are taught and the spirituality inculcated within us need to be preserved. Change is a constant in everyone’s life. However, is all change to be accepted indiscriminately if it is at the cost of our well being and that of others around us?

From our predecessors, we have inherited virtues like honesty, integrity, love and respect for others, compassion, charity towards the less fortunate, faith and trust in the spoken word, and peace and prosperity within families and societies. Somehow, before it is too late, we have to reinstall these qualities within our hearts and minds.

In the last few years, change has set in so rapidly that there may be a perception of a wider generation gap between the youth and the elders. The influx of western thought and culture while influencing the youth does not particularly enamor the tradition bound parents and other elders. In the larger context, this is inevitable in every generation and should not matter to the younger generation. They should be able to map out their own goals and a plan to achieve them within the current scenario of opportunities and environment. Instead of getting into unnecessary temptations and diversions, those who, single mindedly forge ahead with courage, conviction, focus, determination and perseverance, will definitely achieve their goals. Making the right choices is very important. Giving up on dreams or compromising good values for the bad can never be a choice.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Being kind to others is intrinsic to Indian culture. It is a part of our upbringing and the value system that is firmly ingrained in our formative years. Definitely, our connectivity with people makes this a requirement. However, what makes this exercise more meaningful is when kindness comes from the heart and has no personal benefit but a philanthropic one, and then it becomes a joyful experience.

However, when kindness is practiced with strings attached, it loses its meaning and we start becoming unkind to ourselves. Intention is the prime thought and this is what manifests within us as a debit or credit. So, it is not necessary that overt kindness will bring us brownie points, in fact, quite the reverse. As they say, you can hide your true motives from others but not from yourself. So, every time we make use of others for our own gains by making pretence of kindness, our wrong motives block our energy and deprive us of our moral strength.

The other aspect we need to look into very seriously is our negative reactions to events and people. We are unable to accept people as they are and get judgmental constantly. We are angry, resentful, filled with envy or hatred. We hurt people because we are hurt by them or because we want to feel good by hurting them. We choose to misunderstand people we don’t like very much. Sometimes, we retaliate out of an inferiority complex. Often, our ego becomes very fragile and we become very sensitive. At these times, our levels of self confidence and self esteem are low. We tend to blame others for our own shortcomings.

Why do we go through these complexities when we can be simple? The best remedy is knowledge out of which comes wisdom .Our self image can be enhanced by becoming aware of and accepting what we need to change in ourselves. This awareness and acceptance of ourselves will take us forward in empowering ourselves.

These exercises of self analysis and facing our selves are compulsory steps to start being kind to oneself. It also means that we have to be cruel to ourselves to be kind. We have to analyze our psyche, often mercilessly, to start the process of change. It is a hard task but those who have done it have benefited hugely.

Just as we have to have surgery to cure a physical ailment, we have to do a psychological surgery to our mind consistently until we internalize the feeling of peace and joy. This will be the biggest kindness to us.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

The Path of Evolution

Whether we like it or not, or believe in it or not, the fact is that change and evolution happens to each of us every day. Many of us are not aware that it is happening. The constant action and interaction, the responses and reactions to external stimuli, the changing levels of awareness, the gradual acquisition of knowledge and many other factors are responsible.

When we speak of change, we always hope it is for the betterment of us and perceive evolution in terms of moving forward into a program of ascension through learning and personal experiences. As they say, it is better to be better than bitter with the passing of each day. Bitterness and disappointments are reactions which show us that we are vibrating on a very low and sluggish level which will only bring in more negativities than we are coping with already. They also demonstrate that we have embarked on the downward path vis- a -vis the path of ascension. The dictate “pull yourself up” is the theme for all seekers.

So many of us try to hold on to the past, especially when it has been a pleasurable phase. These kinds of people resist change and if the reason for their pleasurable past depends on other people, then, ideally, they don’t want these other people to change either. Unfortunately, this is against the law of life. Every soul is on its unique path of evolution and does not share the same destiny. People outgrow events and often, their equations with other people may also change. The quality of relationship may change. This has to be seen as a natural process, not one which needs resistance or one that shows any individuals in a negative light.

The path of evolution is to be traversed on alone, with different souls coming into our lives at different stages, only to help us to move on when we may be getting stuck. As such, critics are important souls in our lives because they show us a mirror to get us out of the stagnation stage to move on again. We need people to oppose and criticize us to correct ourselves if we have made wrong choices along the way.

The process of evolution is a very exciting one for those who observe the changes within themselves and experience the joy that these changes bring. But, the path for those who resist change and enclose themselves within a comfortable box is a very laborious one fraught with several challenges amidst a state of confusion, a resistance to let go and the motivation to grow out of a difficult phase into a courage and focus driven path.

The need of every hour is to collect ourselves, get our act together, assess our current levels and make a determined effort to ascend to higher levels of consciousness and knowledge.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

The Science of Speech

“The heart has its own language. The heart knows a hundred thousand ways to speak.”
― Rumi

Human beings are extremely speech sensitive. “Words can kill” is a common saying indicating the power of speech. We are all guilty of losing control over our speech many a time, venting our anger and frustrations at unfulfilled expectations from ourselves, people and events in our lives. The spoken word is an acid test of the awareness and wisdom of an individual. Some of us tend to take speech for granted and often succumb to verbal diarrhea without actually understanding its importance. Many a relationship has been marred by speech. And many a potential success has been converted to failure merely by the spoken word.

Anyone with a destructive ego has a tendency to speak a lot with the intention of seeking attention. But it is said that the speech of wise and compassionate people rests in their heart. Such people only speak out of genuine concern, inspired a pure heart and only for the general good. This quality of speech is deeply effective.

There is so much turmoil in the human brain today and so much lack of trust that people believe that if they speak softly and without vehemence and force, they will be perceived to be weak. So, they may speak even the most hurtful lie with a confident tone and a strong body language. The general belief is that if we want to get work done by another, we need to shout. This mentality probably indicates that we have learnt to tune out people’s voices because there are so many voices screaming inside us; voices of ambition, greed, hurt and deep scars, anger, frustration and many more. Not only this, we also believe that those who speak sweetly want something from us. It is sad that even genuinely nice people get tagged wrongly.

Why speech is so wrongly perceived? There has to be something we need to change within ourselves, starting from a deep analysis of ourselves and our intentions. Apart from this, we also need to know the science behind speech.

There are FOUR stages to speech.

1)   Para ( in the Solar Plexus)

2)  Madhyama ( in the Heart)

3)  Pashyanti ( in the throat)

4)  Vaikhari ( the spoken word )

PARA

The origin of the spoken word is a thought. When we are born, all the unassimilated experiences travel with us. The solar plexus (above the navel) is the seat of all karma and desire. Naturally, then, thought is triggered by a desire and the internal dialogue of thoughts is the first stage of speech, the “Para Vani”. Of prime importance here is the quality of thought which ultimately manifests as the spoken word. If the thought is a negative one, the speech will be negative and the result will also be a negative one for the self and others around us.

MADHYAMA

In the second stage, the thought encounters love, compassion and empathy in the Heart Chakra. If, at the “Para” stage, the thought is already colored by hatred, prejudice, anger and similar damaging thoughts, the choice of love and compassion at the “Madhyama” level may not be easy.

PASHYANTI

“Pashyanti” meaning “to observe” is the final stage before the spoken word. If we can activate our clinical mind to assess the choice we have made, there is a chance to change the negative into positive at the “Vishuddhi” or Throat Chakra. Very often, we feel a hesitation in the throat before we speak. This is because we are not sure if we have made the right choice of the sentiment and feelings which will dictate our speech, or, whether we should speak at all in that moment.

VAIKHARI

Once we have battled with our thoughts and decision to speak, what to speak or not to speak, “Vaikhari” is the final manifestation of our thoughts and feelings in the form of what we actually say. The foundation always determines everything. So, a thought is the foundation on which we build our case for speech.

There is a saying, “I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for how you choose to understand it”. At face value, this could be correct. However, only we know with what intention and intensity of feeling we have spoken. So, we cannot truthfully use this argument when there has been an intention to hurt someone.

The whole process of thought passing through the three stages and manifesting in words is faster than the nano second. Unless we work with micro awareness, we will not be able to change our reactions into responses. The tendency of humans is to react and retaliate rather than exercise mature control over speech.

The more excess baggage we carry from past lives and pile up during the current lifetime, the more we will react impulsively in thought, word and deed. If we learn to open our door to let in pure thoughts, we will be able to use refined and healing words, and in doing so, will heal ourselves, too. I cannot think of a more salutary experience.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

The Truth About Lies

Apart from pristine white people like Satyawadi Harishchandra who actually offered himself up for sale for the sake of truth and a few elevated souls, it is difficult to come across anyone who has never lied. I am not talking about blatant lies which are there for the world to see. There are many levels to lies or telling an untruth. The interesting part is that some lies have positive results as well.

On the cognitive level, just to get our work done, we often tweak the truth and don’t think about doing so twice. Before we know it, small untruths add up to a large but unnoticeable pile. Our ignorance makes us a little complacent about the ethics of it all. Yes, the belief is that if a little lies does no harm to anyone, and is the way forward for the person speaking it, it is valid. Well! This is personal ethics and depends on the sensitivity to truth for each individual. The quest for truth becomes valuable to the state of mind only when we actually attempt to get into that space.

When my children were growing up, I always told them that if they were doing something that they needed to hide from their parents, it was probably not worth doing at all. But, as adults, we have only ourselves to finally give that certificate to ourselves. We can hide from everyone except ourselves. Personal ethics and code of conduct, therefore, dictates our well being and keeps us away from stress- related feelings such as guilt and anxiety.

We grew up with the principle of “honesty is the best policy”, termed today by many, as utopia and completely un- doable! If we analyze the cynical reaction to this principle, it stems from the opposite belief system that “honesty gets you nowhere.” Preceding this belief system is the gradual lack of transparency and the resulting lack of trust in individuals which has contributed to opacity within families and societies. The concept of sharing has been replaced by “I want more” by a majority. This attitude inevitably leads to gaining through devious methods. In cases where we lose our individual sense of equanimity and justice to accommodate our extra and often unreasonable needs, truth seldom prevails.

Coming back to speaking a lie, we need to understand its other and positive aspect. If telling a lie saves an innocent life, it is justified. If telling a lie achieves the larger good, it is valid. So, it is the intention behind the need to lie that is at the very core of that lie. Unfortunately, we don’t actually have a way of recording the result of each lie within our minds except through a lot of introspection. I believe we have all the answers within us. We just don’t listen to our inner voices because it goes against what we “want” and we are insatiable in our wants. Truth also becomes a casualty due to this.

Today, we need to look at the option of going back to the values and attitudes which can create a peaceful, harmonious and prosperous society and country. While cynics might think this is too naive a view point, I trust the process of change. I see a transparent society based on trust and ethics as a very viable and workable plan of action for future growth.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

An Understanding of Spirituality

“I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.”
― Rumi

I am really surprised when, while talking to people, I realize that spirituality is perceived as yet another subject like Chemistry or Psychology. Ironically, despite the fact that spirituality is natural and intrinsic to human beings, it is actually a topic which does not naturally interest many.

Often, the problem is that we read so much and listen to so many elders and even preachers that confusion reigns supreme. Only when we actually learn to look within us, will we come across the right and final direction which points inwards.

All of us, at one time or another, have had sublime experiences; the joy that we feel at holding a baby, or doing something unconditionally for someone , or just sitting calmly near an ocean, watching the world go by. Meditators will speak of the joy of being spell bound spectators of the self as it is gradually revealed. All this joy, all this happiness has its source within us. There is divinity in such moments, with the experience of being one with Divine Energy.

This experience brings us to the question, “besides the physical form, who are we?” Evidently, there is an inner world of experiences beyond the physical body. Going deeper into ourselves will give us some wonderful answers. What we call “spirituality” is merely the realization of the soul, or “atma” or “spirit” which is encased within the body, like a temple structure has a sanctum sanctorum housing the deity. The outer structure of the temple, often beautified with carvings and murals, therefore, also becomes holy. We worship the deity with all our reverence and protect the temple, too..

But, we fail to apply this reality to ourselves. Temples are symbolic of the human form. But the faith we have while praying in the temple fades away when we come back to real life situations. Today, the accent on looks and outer beauty certainly demonstrates an eagerness for beautifying the external form. But, is the same attention given to our “spirit” within? In fact, in many cases, the body is abused instead of being protected and this happens because of the imbalances created by our worldly desires and our inability to understand the nature of our spirituality. If we keep the attitude that spirituality is outside us, we will never be able to be whole and complete, however rich or physically beautiful we are during the few years we live in this world.

The integration of spirituality with the physical body brings about the balance required to fulfill the individual soul plan for this lifetime. I am aware that there is some amount of disbelief and even cynicism in this “theory”. I understand that human beings are on different levels of evolution. Just as this is my truth, others have their own truths. But I believe that to share these truths is important because when they are assessed with an open mind, humility and an intention of learning, some of them may be extremely useful for some of us. I never doubt the fact that if you are a seeker, you will learn from anything in Creation, from an ant to an elephant, from the trees to the clouds in the sky, from a man on the street to a sage, and, above all, from the “gurus” who light the candle of knowledge to help us understand every small and big truth.

Having said all this, the brightest light shines within each of us. Let us become illuminated souls, together on a wonderful journey of self discovery and self realization.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari