Patience

“Patience is a virtue”. This is not an idle but a very deep statement. But you have to experience this. You have to BE patient when things are not in your favor, both circumstances and people.

At times, your journey WILL collide with that of others, like two trains. Only, the clash of these two trains is symbolic of the clash of two egos.

Often, the matter simmers for days together. That is the time to withdraw, be patient and let the muddy water settle down. Of course, in such cases, any of the two could happen: back in the flow with the other or walking away. It may take a long time, or not!

As you wait with patience, something keeps shifting within and a level is reached where decision making becomes easy. And that decision feels right and extremely liberating.

It is worth experiencing this!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Limit of Tolerance

 We hear people often admitting that they have reached their limit of tolerance! They speak of creating boundaries. And if you scratch people deep down, it is really with a sense of regret that they create these boundaries to protect themselves actually. There is a lot of emotional wear and tear and that is the reason.

Sad when you think of how different things can be and how much easier life would be if each one understood the simple concept of a two-way relationship! No, this is not based on calculation but a genuine sense of caring.

It is energy exchange. That’s all. It is not superficial. The enduring exchanges come from the heart. The moment there is a motive, there is going to be some element of pollution which is likely to cause friction and conflict.

I guess I have seen so much of respect and love growing up that it seems to me to be the only way to function in life. We just need to revert to some earlier ways of life which were happy and warm.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Truth

I saw a video that set me thinking and analyzing its truth! The caption was “no one is really a friend”. Hmmm.

Actually, right from childhood and our school days, we make friends. We even depend on them not only for company but for our happy moments spent with them. But the basic reality is that we must accept AND celebrate our dissimilarities and similarities if we want long term connections.

I find relationships like reading new books every day. We get absorbed in them. But if we see a change in the friends we have, we get disoriented. Which means that there are conditional acceptances.

It is the human ego which is at the root of karma. It is the feeling of incompleteness and wanting more to fill that perpetual void within us!

If you have noticed, no ONE person can fulfil all our needs. That is why we HAVE so many relationships, each fulfilling some need.

Ultimately, if truth be told, we ARE alone. We may look for crutches here and there, most of which are temporary. We appear seemingly together, like passengers on a train, but only till our station arrives.

This is not a unique thought but an oft repeated one. However, it does not sink into many minds and they still carry on, living out of the flow of life and suffering for it.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Pretension

There are huge training centers for image building.  Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions etc. Your real selves are seen as flawed.

We learnt how to behave when we were growing up. But unfortunately, we were also taught to keep “real”. What you see is what you get. This motto was our pride actually. We hated pretensions of any kind. It was too much stress!

Now? You better forget all that and build an acceptable image for the outside world. Don’t try to be yourself. You may end up being at the periphery of all the communities that “matter”.

Because the society is afraid of the genuine, the truthful and can only accept you with your cultivated persona! This is “sophistication”, folks!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Sacrifices

This thought is very prevalent among the seniors today, that they have been under the control of their elders earlier and now, under their children. Yes, the plight of seniors, many of them, is of concern. This brings me back again to a fundamental question I ask again and again. About duties and responsibilities in a family.

Many youngsters have become successful on the shoulders of their parents who made personal sacrifices so that the children could prosper in life. Are the youngsters grateful? Do they understand that there has been a price paid for those sacrifices? And do they feel the love for their elders enough to reciprocate that love and caring? 

I can say with certainty that family is a great bond of shared love and support, PROVIDED there is always the element of mutual respect and freedom to grow. Discipline, sure! Unnecessary Controls, NO! Entitlement, NEVER! Individual wholesomeness is badly needed to establish a journey of a balance of give and take and of virtuous living, correcting flaws along the way. All of us have them.

When we see sterling qualities in anyone, observe and learn, especially if you have struggled earlier. Blaming parents, teachers, friends are never going to get us anywhere. It is a new day every day. Treat it as such and begin a new life every day, leaving past grievances where they belong! In the past!

Surekha Kothari

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Relationships

 This forward that someone sent me is an eye opener for those who make temporary friendships and then suddenly start to ignore them. They break the trust that has developed. Evidently, vested interests dictate this shunning when the friendship is not “convenient” anymore. But if there is grace in you, you will tie up the loose ends before leaving, yes, with a hug and a smile. It seems really opportunistic and rude to leave a friendship in the lurch, no explanations given. And it definitely speaks volumes about the character of such people. If you never meant to be loyal, you should not have entered into such relationships. Not every human being is so thick skinned as to feel nothing!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Parameters

When someone gives of themselves in genuine friendship, it is to be honored, not taken for granted. Yes, friendship is an honorable relationship filled with mutual respect and love.

And there are certain parameters!

Not to treat generosity as a weakness but cherish such friends.

Not to abuse the trust placed in you as a friend

To be there for a friend in need

To be frank and truthful, even if it hurts. Because amongst friends it is not supposed to hurt but be appreciated.

To be loyal at all times

To Refrain from talking behind the back.

Friendship is like a beacon of light. It should be able to spark off more light.

Friendship cannot be claimed only with daily forwards and chat messages. It takes a lot of courage to be a true friend. It is nothing short of a spiritual connect between two people.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Realization

There comes a time when you have to decide who you are and what you want to be a part of. Where your focus will be.

Just like our earlier system of college education. First year, do a broad based study of subjects. Second year, narrow it down to where your interest and aptitude are visible. Third year, major and specialize in the area of your choice and hopefully, passion too.

This is a great learning ground. You go forward in life doing what really inspires and elevates your standards of humanity also. Being productive helps not only you but ultimately, your nation. And the world. Every drop of effort counts.

Thinking big and working hard to achieve goals is wonderful. However, starting small and building from there is also very powerful. Where you are going to expend your energies is a matter of choice, of course. But “sensible” living is a huge part of your own self-respect.

At the end of the day, you stand alone, whether in your achievements or failures. Temporary crutches are at best, shifting sands under your feet. They can de-stabilize you without warning.   

So, wisdom emanating from a realization of the true nature of this world is the major key to living with measured stability and a key that can unlock many exciting doors.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Gratitude

 When your childhood is filled with “conforming” and “fulfilling expectations”, often you grow up following the same pattern. And when this pattern is established, you start attracting people who are demanding.

We need to be very careful of the trends within us. It is evident that at some point, it is going to make you restless and unhappy. And naturally! You are expending your own resources of energy to be of use to others. 

Sometimes, such people come into their own very late in life. They have never reflected on what life has to offer THEM. And that they need to grow as well, even if as gratitude for having been given this gift of life. 

There are two huge realities that we need to process: womb reality and early conditioning. And we need to examine how and in which areas the mind needs to be trained for future benefits, and how healing the past is to be done.

Nothing is impossible once these come within your sphere of consciousness. Once you are conscious, you can deal with anything. With intelligence and reflection. And finally, the necessary action.

The trick is to go inwards and dig out what is buried and bring it into the light of your awareness. Like a treasure hunt!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Counselling

 

Battle of Light and Darkness

 Light-workers have to contend with a lot of darkness around them. Sometimes, their light can shine so bright that the people around them get blinded and do NOT like this experience of blindness. Therefore, they try and cut down the light of the light workers. As they did in the case of Jesus Christ and many others.

Tell me, hasn’t it always been a battle of light and darkness in this world? There have been only phases when light dominates, later superseded by darkness subduing the light.

One fact however, emerges strongly. The natural emergence is of light. It contributes to the illumination of the mind and heart.

Visualize light within our chakras and aura, purifying the people. The outcome is naturally an illuminated radiance which envelopes large areas, removing darkness from within and without.

And yet, the part which is in our shadow needs work, that of carving it out and healing it with light.

What can be said about people who find it pleasurable to dwell in darkness? To think, speak and act selfishly and without a thought for anyone except themselves? And some, in deep ignorance, even claim to be in the light!

Actually, light illuminates everything and everyone and it is impossible then to live just for yourself.

Can we perhaps look at ourselves sometime? Or are we happy talking about others and denying our increasing dark spaces happily? Living the grand illusion!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Personality Development

 Often, courage and audacity go together. The audacity to live life despite detractors and obstacles does require an unstoppable courage.

If this gift of life we have is a gift, it is not only our responsibility but our right to live it happily and productively. AND to live it as we want, in order to maximize our experiences and grow. It is an adventure.

You get blocked in your own personality development only through controls and even emotional blackmail. And the ones that block you are the ones “close” to you.

It is better to distance such “close” people to regain a sense of freedom to execute your life in the best way possible. Without guilt! Without suppression! Without faltering! We owe it to ourselves because we flow through life alone, bearing full responsibility for our journey.
Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Respect

It is beneficial to understand human nature. People stop affecting you adversely, especially when they try hard to malign you regularly, at any excuse, within a group you may be a part of.

I sincerely think such people need a lot of compassion and silence from your end, instead if retaliation. They are not worth your attention.

Sometimes, a desire to put someone down comes from a desperate attempt to look superior. Sadly, this is not what is the actual outcome.

If you keep maligning a person or persons, you get the reputation of being untrustworthy.

We see that either you have the grace to walk away from such episodes or otherwise, you compromise your reputation because you want to remain within the toxicity for your own reasons.

Self-Respect is not easy to achieve or maintain. It does isolate you from people to an extent. Of course, ultimately, it will bring better people in your life. But first, you have to be willing to let go of your earlier comfort levels, especially if they bring stress and controls upon you. And you don’t want or are unable to build your boundaries.

Each day is a lesson and each experience a teacher.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Darkness of Ignorance

 Can you imagine what would happen if the world was all dark? Mercifully, the light in the universe is always present. The only difference is; we have to HARNESS that light within us. That is why, if the effort is not made, darkness will be there by default.

Anything positive needs work. Movement has been given to us as a tool for momentum towards the right, the good and the truthful. Whereas, darkness is just the absence of light.

There are phases when humans become righteous and phases when the world plunges into the darkness of ignorance. And the imbalances between the light and dark keeps shifting from one side to the other without gaining center ground.

The irony is that the world has seldom seen a harmonious balance. And even if there have been such phases, they have been short. The human mind is unstable enough to overturn the good phases back into conflict ridden ones.

It may sound simplistic but if human aberrations could be transmuted by each one of them into virtuous living, it would transform societies and relationships.

The influx of positive thought and desire for positive action has to echo in the universe to gradually change the nature of vibrations we humans have ejected from within us into the universe: the vibrations of insecurity, hatred, ignorance, selfishness and a desire for revenge and pulling each other down instead of uplifting people.

Remember, if you throw mud at the sun, it will tire you out without affecting the sun. This is what our ignorance does for us. Our wisdom lies buried while we get frustrated in futile actions which get us nowhere except bury us further into stagnation.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Counselling

 

Motive

 You want me to support you when you are wrong! Actually, you know you are wrong but want someone to tell you that you are not wrong when you know you are.

This is what we do. And there will always be people who will side with you but these are not really with you. There is a purpose behind supporting wrong people. Always! But this cannot have a good outcome. For anyone.

And there is always more than one motive in such cases. Either fulfilling a personal agenda or to diminish someone.

If we can just be honest with ourselves!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Intention

 You are not what people say you are. And there is no need to become defensive or give explanations to appease. There IS nothing and no one to appease without losing yourself in the bargain. Not at all worth it.

Sometimes, silence works the best. Even words spoken with good intention can fall by the wayside if they are not accepted in the same spirit that they were meant.

What is most satisfactory is building a relationship with yourself. And silence, both inner and outer, is the ultimate harbinger of inner peace and understanding of the self.

Allow your mind to rest and explore your inner silence. It will gradually begin to speak to you with clarity and become a wise friend.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Adulation

 One of the truths about humans is the desire for relevance. Those who have enjoyed mass adulation develop a high degree of insecurity when the applause dies down. Because the adulation has by now, become a mode of survival for the ego. We have seen the evidence of this trait developing in people after retirement and more so, because there has been no time or interest to develop an alternate point of interest for later years.

Actually, Relevance can be found in many ways within your own sphere of influence. By learning something new, by helping those who might improve their lot with one gesture from you, by simply an act of kindness that brings a smile on someone’s lips.

Life is full of different phases, each phase having its own value, its own relevance if we live it with wisdom. Adulation is temporary. It can be given and taken away too. What stays is your own soul consciousness. That needs work.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Alignment

It is all about alignment. Align with your cause. Align with the right principles and virtues. Align with your soul purpose. Align with the universe. Align with the light within you. Align with the world of knowledge. Align with the ultimate source of your existence.

Life’s beauty and purpose shall be revealed to one who does all of this.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Expectation and Attachment

 The irony in relationships is that when you start seeing the truth, often, you cannot state it to people openly.  It is not for nothing that silence has been recommended as the deepest form of wisdom.

It is amusing to see people being nice and even caring on your face but their actions and energy speak differently. And you can understand the duality in their nature.

It is a tough call when such a person is close to you. These are tests of learning to live without expectation and attachment. Because both end up upsetting you and deplete your energy.

There is definitely an amount of hurt which is unquantifiable. Hopefully, when you understand that it is not YOU, that each one has their own learning and timing of those lessons, that hurt will be mitigated.

Sometimes, you even wonder why they do this! It is so much easier to be simple and act as such. But yes! Easier said than done. And it takes work and more work to detach from the behavior of others, especially when it is devious towards you AND you are AWARE it is so.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Intelligence

 The onus of your life is totally yours. It is your choice all the way. What you do and even what you abstain from doing.

Your thought processes, your way of dealing with people and situations, your decisions to involve or withdraw, to tolerate or not, to compromise or not. 

Life is like a game of tennis. The ball keeps coming at you and you have to take quick action about whether a forehand is required or a back hand, and how to strategize to win points. And how to get really good with ace serves.

Similarly, life is a game of courage, intelligence and the ability to learn and move on, not lose your energy over what could have been. And life gives you chance after chance to learn, throwing repeated lessons at you until you learn from them.

You will notice that many a time, there will be someone out to get you , bait you , and you keep reacting with irritation. But the thumb rule is that as soon as you become immune to it, they lose their hold on you. It is an energy hold and you have given your power away. As is the case with anything that succeeds in controlling / overpowering you.

The awareness you need each minute is to conserve your energy, stay within your space and use your intellect with wisdom. Emotions too, IF you are able to use them intelligently. But, keep your aura intact. At all times.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Counselling

 

Personal Desires

 Who doesn’t want to be happy? But the definitions of happiness are many. And many of those are linked with personal desires for some kind of gain. None of such paths lead to happiness in the long run and short term feelings of happiness can turn into a lot of disappointment.

It is amazing that we fail to grasp the subtleties of a happy state of mind because ironically, at some point, all of us HAVE been in that space, when tears of happiness flow, when a simple hug from a child made us feel complete. And so many more precious moments that we choose to forget in our chase for something “better”.

As is a popular saying, stop chasing the butterfly. Just stand still and the butterfly will come and perch on your shoulder. Give happiness a chance! In silence and non-attachment, it can come out of nowhere! A state of mind that we will not want to let go of because it is so beautiful!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Acceptability

 I am fascinated by the way people describe themselves vis a vis the way people look at them.

I think I am a realist but people think I am an idealist. I think am rational for the most part but people see me as irrational in many ways.

I think I am caring as a person but people brand me as indifferent, callous even.

You know what I am getting at, right? This is not only me but everyone I am speaking of.

How you see yourself and how people see you are two different angles.

How do you arrive at a consensus then, so that you create a win situation? That you are seen as somewhat congenial or antiseptic to grow into a community or take a path of “I really know who i am and I don’t need people to slot me”.

Most of us have tried to become the alchemist to blend our values into an acceptable whole for the sake of sheer acceptability. After all, we do live amongst people, all kinds of people with different perceptions, different sizes of baggage and different energies.

And yet, this is not easy! You will always end up upsetting some balance one way or another. 

Practically speaking therefore, you can only do what is within your power: have good intentions, be unaffected by other energies and carry on with life, knowing that the only controls you can exercise over are on yourself. And wisdom is the key. 

As for the rest … c’est la vie!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari