Expectation and Attachment

 The irony in relationships is that when you start seeing the truth, often, you cannot state it to people openly.  It is not for nothing that silence has been recommended as the deepest form of wisdom.

It is amusing to see people being nice and even caring on your face but their actions and energy speak differently. And you can understand the duality in their nature.

It is a tough call when such a person is close to you. These are tests of learning to live without expectation and attachment. Because both end up upsetting you and deplete your energy.

There is definitely an amount of hurt which is unquantifiable. Hopefully, when you understand that it is not YOU, that each one has their own learning and timing of those lessons, that hurt will be mitigated.

Sometimes, you even wonder why they do this! It is so much easier to be simple and act as such. But yes! Easier said than done. And it takes work and more work to detach from the behavior of others, especially when it is devious towards you AND you are AWARE it is so.

Surekha Kothari

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Intelligence

 The onus of your life is totally yours. It is your choice all the way. What you do and even what you abstain from doing.

Your thought processes, your way of dealing with people and situations, your decisions to involve or withdraw, to tolerate or not, to compromise or not. 

Life is like a game of tennis. The ball keeps coming at you and you have to take quick action about whether a forehand is required or a back hand, and how to strategize to win points. And how to get really good with ace serves.

Similarly, life is a game of courage, intelligence and the ability to learn and move on, not lose your energy over what could have been. And life gives you chance after chance to learn, throwing repeated lessons at you until you learn from them.

You will notice that many a time, there will be someone out to get you , bait you , and you keep reacting with irritation. But the thumb rule is that as soon as you become immune to it, they lose their hold on you. It is an energy hold and you have given your power away. As is the case with anything that succeeds in controlling / overpowering you.

The awareness you need each minute is to conserve your energy, stay within your space and use your intellect with wisdom. Emotions too, IF you are able to use them intelligently. But, keep your aura intact. At all times.

Surekha Kothari

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Counselling

 

Personal Desires

 Who doesn’t want to be happy? But the definitions of happiness are many. And many of those are linked with personal desires for some kind of gain. None of such paths lead to happiness in the long run and short term feelings of happiness can turn into a lot of disappointment.

It is amazing that we fail to grasp the subtleties of a happy state of mind because ironically, at some point, all of us HAVE been in that space, when tears of happiness flow, when a simple hug from a child made us feel complete. And so many more precious moments that we choose to forget in our chase for something “better”.

As is a popular saying, stop chasing the butterfly. Just stand still and the butterfly will come and perch on your shoulder. Give happiness a chance! In silence and non-attachment, it can come out of nowhere! A state of mind that we will not want to let go of because it is so beautiful!

Surekha Kothari

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Acceptability

 I am fascinated by the way people describe themselves vis a vis the way people look at them.

I think I am a realist but people think I am an idealist. I think am rational for the most part but people see me as irrational in many ways.

I think I am caring as a person but people brand me as indifferent, callous even.

You know what I am getting at, right? This is not only me but everyone I am speaking of.

How you see yourself and how people see you are two different angles.

How do you arrive at a consensus then, so that you create a win situation? That you are seen as somewhat congenial or antiseptic to grow into a community or take a path of “I really know who i am and I don’t need people to slot me”.

Most of us have tried to become the alchemist to blend our values into an acceptable whole for the sake of sheer acceptability. After all, we do live amongst people, all kinds of people with different perceptions, different sizes of baggage and different energies.

And yet, this is not easy! You will always end up upsetting some balance one way or another. 

Practically speaking therefore, you can only do what is within your power: have good intentions, be unaffected by other energies and carry on with life, knowing that the only controls you can exercise over are on yourself. And wisdom is the key. 

As for the rest … c’est la vie!

Surekha Kothari

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Journeys and Challenges

When you live by your conscience and what is right, indeed, it is god’s grace that you have reached that state. Conversely, living in a world of conflicting perspectives, fragile egos and frequent misunderstandings, simple truths can ostracize you in a big way.

Humans don’t understand the value of personal Journeys and challenges, the need to stabilize your energies even if it means letting go of your personal preferences of relationships, thoughts and misguided values.

It demands courage! But it becomes easier if you understand that there is a price to pay for everything in this world but, anyways, pay all the price BUT except for your own soul. Nothing warrants that.

Understand that the journey of your soul cannot be shared by anyone. You are the master. Your soul is divine. Your higher self is always supported by Divine Light.

So, let go of your lower self that is trapped in this world and immersed in the afflictions of the mind. Observe, detach from outcomes and always do the right thing to feed your soul with enlightened nourishment. Live and act out of pure intentions. Selfishness misaligns you with the universe.

THINK, REFLECT as a daily practice. And make inner changes with those reflective realizations. See yourself getting free while still in this world, where nothing will affect you.

Surekha Kothari

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Traits

It amazes me! Should anyone apologize for being different? Should anyone be ostracized or be criticized for being one’s own person and not necessarily doing what others around you want to do or enjoy doing?

For exactly these reasons, many are seeking solitude. And falling out of relationships. Even the recreation activities with friends CAN lead to stress. It is so important to be liked for who you are. Group dynamism necessitates acceptance first.

A while back, a forward was sent in the chat group I belong to. It had some normal chickens and only one that had a twisted foot and looked a little different. And the caption was malicious, indicating one person in the group who stands tall and does not practice being a people pleaser.

These are very negative perceptions. A group that is homogenous is also a pretty diverse one but one where there is mutual respect for each other. The moment even one of the group goes into a complex which manifests outside, the balance stands broken. And there will be ramifications for sure.

At the end of the day, no one can be like anyone else but we can, each one of us, learn to appreciate others for what they have done with their lives and for the mutual caring which transcends any individualistic traits that are so inevitable, it would be silly to grudge each other those traits. Because they are unique to each individual. And we are not and cannot be clones of each other.

Surekha Kothari

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Self - Esteem

What is it within us that gets panicky at every small failure? Was everlasting success at everything ever promised to us? I don’t think so!

Do we even remember how many times since we were children, we have fallen, cried for a bit, picked ourselves up and moved on merrily with all memory of the fall completely erased? And it had not taken us more than a few minutes!

And now, as adults, what has happened to us all? We amplify every little setback. We let it erode our self-esteem. We are unable to forget and move to the next opportunity. Those memories of past failures travel with us, tainting our present with self-doubt and fear of yet another failure. And we stop living! We just exist because there is no alternative.

Why not become children again, at least in our heads? Forgive, forget and move on with enthusiasm into a new phase with a new zeal! Life has so many new packages to offer. It is never too late.

Surekha Kothari

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Wheel of Life

Some of us have lived spanning two centuries. We have seen major transitions in values, in thinking patterns, in priorities, in belief systems and behavioral patterns.

We loved and we lost many loved ones. We learnt to adjust to our parents, then to our children and in between, to families, natural and adopted.

In all of this, we found a lot of meaning in life and later, also started discovering and understanding the meaninglessness of it.

We were exposed to lessons of goodness and uprightness, honesty and integrity, love and compassion, duties and responsibilities above self, all of which became obsolete.

Adjustment became our second name. We seldom got a chance to lead our lives according our wishes. In fact, some of us did not even think as far as “what do WE want in life!”

But newer generations have always come up on the sacrifices of the older ones. It is a different matter that the newer generations don’t see it that way nor want to expend their energies on the elders. After all, the lives the seniors are extinguishing gradually.

Nothing much to learn or emulate from the experiences of the older generations. The proverbial generation gap as happens with every generation.

However, having said that with the freedom given to youngsters to choose their vocations, their future has opened up to so many new vistas. Every opportunity is available and many avenues open.

I love watching this generation blooming in a different world than what we grew up in. After all, change IS the only constant. They may not see what we saw but it is fine. The wheel of life and creation turns and we travel in it for god knows how many lifetimes.

God bless us all!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Counselling

 

Personalization

When you respect everyone, you yourself become respect worthy. It is a good reminder.

If you don’t find it in your heart to treat people well, there is a part of you that is unhealed. It is not a matter of blame but compassion and understanding.

We find all kinds of people around us and should make an effort to stay unaffected but at the same time, also decode their minds from their behavior. The quality of our mind spills over into external action. To be clinical about this is better than agonizing over or personalizing the actions of others over which you have no control in the first place. It would be like trying to destroy the rain which destroyed the flowers in your garden.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-destructive

 

To be retaliatory is actually like banging your head against a wall, only to find it bleeding. And no one but ourselves to blame! There is nothing there to fight except in our minds and imagination! It is such a useless, meaningless and self-destructive exercise.

Someone did something hurtful. It was not you but you took it on yourself.

Like you ask Yourself are you holding onto this world or does it have YOU in its grip? And if the latter be true, how tightly has it gripped you? Because if YOU find you have held on, you can try to let go! The action is in your power. Maybe hard, not impossible.

It is a constant mindfulness, watchfulness and correcting at each step.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Seeds of Knowledge

 The seeds of knowledge are scattered all over but they will germinate only on fertile ground. And that is the mind. What makes it fertile?

First, an openness willing to accept the knowledge.

Second, a mind relatively free of pollution.

Third, a mind willing to accept and let go of its aberrations.

Fourth, a mind which is aware, discreet and recognizes its own ignorance with humility.

Fifth, a mind which is rooted in spiritual thought.

Sixth, a mind that can recognize right from wrong and truth from lies.

And

Seventh, a mind that is pure in intentions.

Sadly, our ignorance clouds our mind, our judgement of people and enhances our ego so much that we wallow in our own toxicity and refuse to recognize that our enemy is within, not outside. Yes! We ourselves are our own worst enemies. Because we don’t see the need to step outside and see ourselves as we appear to others.

And even then, no one knows you better than yourself and no one can change you but yourself.

The buck stops with you. No amount of comparisons, envy, berating others will do for you what you can do for yourself. You have the key to your own life.

Surekha Kothari

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Stagnation

These days, my Motto is “more hospitality, less hostility”! I am shocked when I see so much animosity in human beings. Where does it come from and why?

It is incredible how people are just not contented in their lives. Some of them have received mass adulation also. And yet, they have not learnt generosity, much less grace. It is a case of “the more you have, the more you want”. And the less you tolerate in others.

When you see a lotus smiling from stagnant water, you still admire its beauty. And you marvel at God’s creation!

It is a well-known example of purity rising from even stagnation. But most of the time, we just talk about it without learning from it and including this attitude in our lives. We would rather destroy the lotus than emulate it because we are threatened by its purity.

But the fact remains that we humans have a choice to select our path. The wiser path is always the more difficult one but the better one.

Surekha Kothari

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Faith

In a world of opposites, there is one word which does not have an opposite: FAITH. With faith, you move mountains. Faith carries you through every phase in life. Faith help transition from the physical to the spiritual. Faith provides value to the self. It is an unshakeable and unchangeable anchor.

Belief systems can change. But if faith changes, it was never faith.

Faith is as essential to man as breath. Otherwise, we would be like rudderless ships, lost in a whirlpool and never reaching our source.

Surekha Kothari

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Truth and Lies

Truth and Lies stood face to face. Truth said there is nothing beyond me. Lies said, I am more liked and more in demand than you.

And so the debate continued. One day, lies asked Truth to join it for a swim. The gullible Truth agreed and jumped into the water. Lies hastily took all its clothes, cloaked itself with those clothes and started going around, pretending to be the truth.

When Truth realized the trick Lies had played, it started hiding because it was naked now, without clothes.

And thus it happened that no one wanted the naked Truth anymore and preferred Lies disguised as Truth.

This is exactly the plight of Truth even today. Tell me, who wants to hear it or see it? Wherever it goes, it becomes unpopular.

And, we are living a life inspired by Lies which tells us only what makes us feel good but not what is actually good for us.

But energies are shifting and Lies is gradually losing ground. There is a chapter of Lies that is ending and new light energies are emerging.

In this world, although light and dark are both existent, ultimately, light pervades darkness. Light is eternal and darkness is only a temporary absence of light.

Surekha Kothari

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Affluence

 Life must be lived with a lot of caution. You can’t go around messing other people’s lives, brandishing the sword of your “status” around in the air and killing those who come in its way.

The most illusory concept today is “status”.  Even respect is forged today. Get the publicity machinery to magnify your status in different ways and get masses to be in awe!

There are two ways of getting respect. One is for your affluence and fame; in whichever way it is acquired! That reputation is often not value based. And therefore, neither is that respect genuine or long term.

When you lead your life of values for all to see and don’t get affected by what the world thinks or says, because you are on the right path, you will get respect. Some will give you grudging respect. These are cases of genuine respect. Because in such cases, the person is respect worthy, not his acquisitions.

Ultimately, feigning to be someone you are not can be at best, a short term gain. As I have always said, what is genuine will survive the test of time. The rest will fade away as people become aware of its superficiality.

Surekha Kothari

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Generosity

 There is a debate out on for/ against generosity.

Generosity also comes with boundaries and calculations. We decide how much each one deserves or does not deserve.

But, it’s not that simple, is it? Much depends on what your mind will allow. And what kind of a nature you have. Also, what is the percentage of reciprocity you expect.

There are people who, if you ask for one, will give you three. And there are some who will avoid you and pretend to be too busy to talk as soon as they sense you are going to approach with a request.

Sometimes, I wish I was born now so that there would be no comparative yardstick available for what was and what is.

The whole imbalance started when we decided we wanted this and that from others without returning the energy. We became selfish in our wants to become rats in a rat race to supremacy, oblivious of any supreme power , ironically, the only power that can make or mar us.

There was a time when by and large, trust was returned with trust , generosity was reciprocated and service was without an agenda. Out of a goodness of the heart that was a pride for the folks at that time. I have seen those years and it is painful to see how consumed by avarice and greed people are today. And out to destroy other human beings. 

Sharing is out of vogue. Reciprocity is grudging because otherwise, a useful contact would be lost!

Let’s not even talk about the rare privilege of having genuinely caring friends, friendship without an agenda. Even one such friend can bring true joy and you have to be lucky to have a friend of that calibre!

Such is the world we live in!

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Spiritual Journey

 Everything in life which is difficult but the right thing to do, is a struggle and painful. But with practice, it gets easier. And once you master the initial feelings of discomfort and doubt, it is a liberating feeling.

“Wrong” vis-a-vis “right” are not measured by the results but by intention. An innate goodness is more capable of good intentions. And good intentions are what we are judged by in our spiritual journey.

Sometimes, your pure intentions may be misread / misunderstood. However, this is not in your control. Your intention IS.

Surekha Kothari

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Connectivity

 You have to believe in the intrinsic goodness of people. If we believe that there is a divine hand in the creation of this world and therefore, there HAS to be an element of this divine energy in everything, then every soul is pure.

Of course, there are layers of pollution piling up for various reasons. Healing those with awareness and consciousness is the prime soul contract while transiting from life to life. And no! It is NOT easy. The churning and turmoil, the pain and the disappointments are all related to our identification with our body and mind. We are unable to transcend these to identify our soul purpose which brings us here. And we are all in this together! The reason to follow a path of dharma, of compassion, simple humility and a clean mind is simply this. Truth lives within these qualities and so does human connectivity. Our minds have gone berserk, looking at the destruction around the world. With power at your command, you can kill with the press of a button. But, killing with kindness and empathy are laughable concepts with most people.

All three aspects of Shiva, as creator, preserver and destroyer are within us. People who pray to Shiva, and are in awe of the qualities he exhibits, are still unable to understand that prayers are meant to embody Shiva in OUR lives, to practice what he symbolizes. Look within, identify the three traits within and work on them.

Surekha Kothari

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Voice of Conscience

 If we don’t fine tune our energies, the subtle aspects of human behavior will elude us.

But some people are more comfortable this way. You know the saying, “he is thick skinned “. These are not empaths. They don’t perceive others. And they don’t understand how and why the people around them get hurt.

Actually, they also are unable to listen to their voice of conscience.

Surprisingly, there are people who prefer to be thick skinned. It is a huge protective shield for those who don’t want to FEEL because they feel that is weakness and regressive for their plans.

That is probably why we have so much lack of harmony in many societies / communities.

We are not adept at being empaths AND focused on our purpose, at the same time. That balance is difficult to achieve unless we are wise and principled.

Surekha Kothari

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Spiritual Traditions

 India is the only land of yogis. It is the pinnacle of spiritual thought and the karmabhoomi of all saints. We don’t realize just how fortunate we are to be born in this, our matrubhoomi.

If we read the stories of Shri Ramkrishna Paramhansa, Swami Vivekananda, Lahiri Mahashay, Shri Anandmai Ma, Kabir, Sant Tukaram, Adi Shankara, Buddha and many more, elevated souls from all over India, in fact, we would be able to understand how important it is to realize the intrinsic quality of each soul. We live in abject ignorance.

The advent of the British resulted in the superimposition of western culture and deprived us of our sacred traditions and the knowledge of our ancient spiritual traditions.

If the educational system had continued to emphasize how we should think and live through a study of the lives of these Masters, Bharat would have had more patriots and there would have been pride in being born as Indians.

We only have to look at the results of presenting a united front to the world as in the recent delegations sent by our PM. But we should also FEEL the unity within us, the acceptance of each other and a sense of fraternity, wherever we come from.

Every inch of Bharat is precious for its traditions, whether north, south, east or west. But our minds have become so narrow, we can’t see the larger canvas etched out before our very own eyes.

Someone said, we are moving towards a transition period, towards a return of satyug. But, before that, the utter exhaustion from and death of kaliyug is imminent.

We don’t deserve to be Indians at this moment, what with our minds brainwashed and subversive against our own land and our own kind who we unfortunately, don’t recognize as our own. Separatism can only ignite conflict and disharmony because it is against the laws of the universe.

WHEN will understand this?

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Wisdom

The phrase “acting according to character” sets me thinking. We all have certain basic characteristics that show up as a pattern in daily life. To that extent, we CAN appear as predictable.

On the other hand, to what extent can anyone of us be slotted? Any unexpected action or behavior immediately brands us as acting OUT of character. And comments like, “I didn’t think he/ she was capable of this”.

Let’s watch ourselves to see how many times we do this! As if we know people in and out! The truth is, we are evolving as we trigger old memories and have new experiences. And with every experience, we are also changing subtly. We don’t see it immediately unless we are very aware.

All we can do is observe the changes within us and within others. And mark them for future interactions. In a nutshell, no one remains static. Movement is key. We only choose the direction according to our awareness and wisdom.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Evolution

 How can you rise when you are holding on to what weighs you down? If you are not practicing stillness but instead, are involved in all the noise around you, you will not be able to hear the voice of your soul.

It is in stillness that clarity comes. It is in silence that answers come. Just as the full impact of the sun’s rays gets diluted when clouds cover it, the voices in our minds drown that one meaningful whisper.

Syncing our vibrations with our higher self will result in finding that stillness within, which will enhance our spiritual understanding and lead us to a path where evolution awaits.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari