Generosity

 Everyone is gifted by the Divine. If we can just understand our gifts, we do not need to compare ourselves with anyone. It is when we cannot see ourselves that we feel an imaginary void within us that makes us want to be like someone else, even have what others have. Actually, we have “enough” if only we can KNOW we have enough. And we build on that. This is our responsibility.

I wish I could make each one experience this fact. Generosity and praise for each other just opens up our heart channels and life seems to flow happily if we work on ourselves consistently and simultaneously learn to create happiness in others.

Surekha Kothari

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Path of Detachment

 

Studying Advaita Vedanta is the best way to the path of detachment. When Shakespeare said, “ all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players”, I did not realise the vastness of implications in that one statement.

Advaita Vedanta tells you the same thing by segregating transactional and ultimate reality. It comes as an amazing realisation that we are not who we claim to be when we identify with the body and mind. In fact, this puts us in a world of transactional reality where karma rules the cycle of birth and death.

The moment we start the process of elimination that we are not the body, not the mind, nor the intellect nor the body of desires we have accumulated, there descends  a tremendous sense of relief and lightness of being .

There is nothing and no one to get attached to. Yes, I have often been scoffed for this statement but believe me, as Echkart Tolle says, now is the time either to evolve or “die” , the latter meaning a metaphorical death.

Now, the choice is ours.  Are we going to carry on with our old ways of comparisons, judgements, hatreds , dislikes, manipulations etc or stop that completely useless baggage and see the light which is everywhere ? Only our inner light is dimmed by us, and none other .

So, we should know that one hundred percent responsibility for our souls is ours .  Yet, we are unable to detach from what we know to be futile in our journey, like a dog’s tail, however much it is straightened, comes back to being crooked.

But sooner or later, the circle of life’s mixed experiences , once exhausted, will bring us back to the point of elevation: the NEED to elevate as the only choice . That will be a brilliantly illuminated day for each of us.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Benefit of doubt

 

Giving benefit of doubt is the cleverest self preservation policy. You want peace? Just give benefit of doubt.

Something important gets left out because of someone else? Just give benefit of doubt.

If your work doesn’t get done because the staff member was on the phone, please give benefit of doubt.

Do we see what’s going on? Anyone who is in demand can afford to shirk responsibility and because of our need of them, we compromise and keep compromising through ... yes... benefit of doubt.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Parental expectations

 

Let a child be a child. Parental expectations from a child are often very unrealistic. Parents know it is their responsibility to bring up a wholesome individual. Only, they don’t always get it right.

Let us not get too critical of parents though, because ultimately, they will only act according to their circumstances and what they know to be the best decision at that moment. But, what we don’t ponder on is what our peers have claimed, that “buddhi karmanusarini”, that is, your karma determines your intellect.

Every child develops a perspective and that may shape future relationships. For example, two middle class parents working to make ends meet to make a comfortable life for their child might end up with a child who grows up with a minus mother, minus father image and perspective merely because the parents were not physically present because they were at work no one’s fault. Yet, there arises conflict, disappointments, resentments and all of that.

In life, perhaps, we just need to understand each other as much as possible and even beyond. Because, Can anyone live anyone’s journey? Can anyone judge anyone’s journey? Then what is left is love and understanding. This energy can only spread cheer and good will.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Justice

Justice has always intrigued me. In many cases, there are layers and layers of human emotions that compound the process of justice.

At the end of the day, any injustice done to anyone else has to be a mental aberration of some kind or an unmanageable emotion, like anger, jealousy, frustration ....or simply an innocent act gone wrong.

Everything ultimately boils down to the fact that we have little option but to understand the people around us. How they think. What they feel. And why they do what they do. A deed is done and cannot be undone. The justice tag is in the eyes of the beholder, like beauty. Because the wrong, the injustice, is only a perception which need not be perceived as such by the person on whose action the judgment is being made.

This way of thinking is a most liberating one. Unless you see a matter of life and death happening. Justice holds an important place in such eventualities. No question of sitting back and smelling the coffee here because we have a sense of duty and responsibility towards us and society.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Compromise

We know ourselves more by the independent choices we make. Compromised choices often are reluctant choices that sometimes leave a trace of anger. "Why did I agree to make that choice? I don't like that feeling very much. I don't feel good", especially when the results might not be palatable.

Well, it is normal to feel this way. We are all free spirits who , by nature, don't want controls. And yet, we have them everywhere ever since we are born. In childhood, they are thrust on us because we don't know any better. And soon, this becomes routine until you start asking "why".

When you make your own choices, you take ownership of those choices, whether they work out for you or not. That is the right learning process. There is no chance of throwing the blanket at anyone else here because you were solely responsible for the choice. And actually, it's good because that's how we grow.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Everything & Nothing

No matter who you are, how experienced you are, and how knowledgeable you think you are, always delay judgment.

Give others the privilege to explain themselves.

What you see may not be the reality. Never conclude for others.

Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first?

Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

Those who apologize first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.

Those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you any thing but because they see you as a true friend.

Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart.

Those who take out time to chat with you, does not mean they are jobless or less busy, but they know the importance of keeping in touch.

One day, all of us will get separated from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything & nothing; the dreams that we had.

Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare... One day our children will see our pictures and ask 'Who are these people?' And we will smile; the heart is touched by strong words and you will say: 'IT WAS WITH THEM, THAT I HAD SOME OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE'.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Lack of responsibility

Can you respect yourself if you have no commitment to anything and anyone in life? When you just drift along aimlessly? I always wonder about the psyche behind this. Can there be no ambition, no drive, and no cognizance of what others around you might be depending on you for?

We are quick to point this aspect in other people. A lack of commitment goes hand in hand with a lack of responsibility. And these are not useful or admirable traits.

Living within a family and society makes responsibility mandatory and so with people receiving a salary. The proportion of commitment in relation to salary was never the thought in earlier times. Today, the respect for employers is scant in many places, especially domestic staff. And this is not the case only here.

This is the world of today. Dealing with it is the only option. And avoiding stress at the same time. Stress is the biggest killer.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Hypocritical society

We generally live in a hypocritical society. In families too, there are different behavioral patterns demanded of different people. No one yardstick. I have heard this line ad nauseum since childhood." You do the right thing. Never mind what others do". Really! It sounds like a wonderful line but can be a terrible line as well.

What is expected behavior from an elder child of the family or an imported family member like a daughter in law is different from that of the younger people. Much leeway is given to the latter. Why? I have never understood this. What is good for one should be taught to or expected from the others too.

Over a period of time then, what happens is that responsibility falls only on the person doing the "right" thing , willingly or out of force and expected. And the others are super quick in taking the advantage. I have often said that injustice done over and over again to the "right" doer will reach a crescendo one day and that day, there is a possibility of a volcano eruption. All the rules will get destroyed in the lava of bottled up anger.

I would not advocate this system itself, because the ultimate results are drastic and painful. Indian parents are famous for installing this system and igniting many issues. Different rules for girls and boys, different rules for the daughters and daughters in law, different rules for the older and younger. And so on.

So many reactions due to so much suppression of the spirit bordering on injustice among family members. And then they cry about families breaking up! You dare not speak up even if someone is being the cause of division of the family. "Do the right thing". KEEP QUIET and LET IT BE. Wow! What a destructive mantra, right? You only have to see the results to know this.

Frankness and straightforwardness should pay if we are not complicated and do things in the right spirit, with the right intentions and good will and without silly rules that divide more than unite people.

And I do feel injustice MUST be expressed to stop the tyranny of the perpetrators. The popular theory of mother in law and daughter in law , warring family members, the tendencies of usurpation of finance and power etc. are already spelling a death knell for families and in turn, societies. The tragedy is: no one cares anymore and no one stops to think. And I think all this has happened because individuals have not been given their due, their freedom of spirit and equal respect to be they and interact with others on their own steam.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Reliability

There cannot be a better character trait than standing by your family and friends. Sadly, people change relationships like they change their attire. Actually, if you can't stand by others, the deep seated meaning of this is that somewhere, deep down, you haven't been able to stand by yourself.

We live by the courage of our convictions, those who don’t keep changing their convictions. And each time that this happens, they look for a change of people around them. The unfortunate part is that when you don't have a relationship with yourself, you tend to become rather like a rudderless ship. Like a ship passing in the night that never docks.

Life can't be lived like this, can it? One has to have loyalties and the strength to be with people because you have given them love, even if they sometimes have feet of clay. Don't we all? You don't abandon each other for being human, as long as humaneness is retained.

Opportunism is a close trait where loyalties fail. Going the way the wind blows. Reliability on these people would be a grave mistake. You will never know where you stand with them. There is also loyalty among thieves as we know. I am not referring to such loyalty. I speak of the kind of loyalty where you are of support in good times and bad times based on good value systems, because you care. Nothing less...though, could be more.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Intentions

To respond with responsibility! Two key words here: "response" and "responsibility". If we are responsible and act with responsibility, we will respond to everything. They go hand in hand with our maturity levels also. And maturity means well thought out action inspired by good intentions and in the best interest of all. Through a positive and a balanced mind. See the connection?

But here, we must have a strong faith in our core strength. Only then will responses become elevated, come from our higher selves and a high benchmark of positivity.

We are creating ourselves everyday…in fact, each minute. If we are reacting, we are getting influenced by other energies around us which cloud our energies. Maybe, then, we end up with several mental issues because we have given in to the decision of others. But that is not YOU. That is not YOUR inner core. Therefore, it is important to understand whether others create who you are or YOU create who you are.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Socialize

Why people do certain things! Do we understand why people do what they do? Take for instance, card games like rummy and bridge. Although they fulfill a similar purpose, one is a "white collar" game and other is not looked upon as one. No guesses here for which one!

I see card rooms at clubs filled with people, especially the retired and older generation, who love to socialize over a card game. And I also see other club goers who turn up their noses at such groups. The only prejudice for this aversion seems to be that of playing with money. But gambling is another story…it can be indulged in different ways.

I see the other, lonely side of these people who are cut off from work and often, from their families as well. Time hangs and there is much loneliness which gives rise to depression and ennui towards the world in general. This can be a potentially dangerous situation.

There is a need for the older generation to keep their brains working and interest in life alive irrespective of whether it is playing cards, browsing the internet or anything else.

In fact, this may become true for all of us as we age. Card games keep the memory ticking, some social activity alive and enable these people to come out of whatever burdens they carry.

It is very sad to see people who lose their mobility and their youth, languishing for a lack of support. Indoor games are very good for them. In fact, many are now opting to be in special homes where they can be looked after and be with their own kind, rather than become isolated within their families.

So, there is always a larger perspective we fail to see in our conditional minds. What we criticize today may be a great pastime for us tomorrow. The idea is to stay well, with our mental, emotional and physical aspects intact and healthy.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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