Untraveled Path

Building awareness is painful. It awakens you from a deep slumber you have been indulging in triggered by early conditioning. It starts at home when the belief systems of elders is superimposed on your innocent childlike minds. And you take them as the gospel truth. The “respect worthy “elders mould you, give you their identity, expect you to fulfil their unfulfilled desires and expect you to keep up their image in society. Whatever it takes away from you it does not matter.

Later, with awareness building in you, you now notice that you have to unlearn so many things you never doubted before.

That new awareness will change you and change the environment around you too. You will have to step out of your comfort zone and face new challenges, connect with people who are like you are now, leave many past memories and people who don’t work in your life anymore, to move onto new pastures.

You know now why repeated patterns appear! When you are not ready to face the pain of that new awareness. When you are unable to have the courage. When the “known “engulfs you because the untraveled path brings fear of the unknown. So, you do the comfortable things and get the same results. Nothing new / inspiring/ challenging appears in life till the end. Something to think about.

Surekha Kothari

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Precious Time

When you have been deprived of loving relationships yourself, it is truly agonizing to see people who have them but who destroy them.

You will find several people in this world who will be around you for different reasons. Some valid.  Some not so valid.

But those who have been in your life forever and with whom you have had happy memories are already strong in love for you. Childhood bonds persist. I have also seen close people having misunderstandings and going away from each other, only to return even years later. And i think, “what a waste of precious time”.

The fact is, the close ones have the power to hurt your maximum. Due the very love you hold in your heart.

The amount we live in fear can be totally reduced if we love and support each other during our lives. Bonds built in childhood are strong. Ask someone who never had them! How difficult life can be!

 I look around and find so many egos consuming people, that they have lost the art of loving, giving love precedence over small issues magnified to a point of no return.

And I think, “what a waste of precious time!”

Surekha Kothari

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Knowledge

It would be surprising if anyone did not change with time and experiences. However, there are exceptions to every rule.

To my mind, those who don’t change are holding on to the past, consumed by their ego and do not learn the lessons that come to them on a daily basis.

It is easy to advise others but very difficult to ACT on your own advice.

Observing yourself will make you smile often at yourself and your actions, knowing that they were quite meaningless. And we indulged in them nevertheless. When we target others, we also become victims to our own misdeeds. And this knowledge can cure us forever and keep us from any kind of conflict.

I certainly would not want my anger to corrode into ME when I am venting. But it does come back to me. AND harms me. Likewise, why would I project ANY negative emotion if I knew that the outcome would be damaging for me?

It just doesn’t seem to make sense.  We do have to make our mistakes to learn the lessons. But after that, it would be foolish if we think we have a choice and so, need not learn the lessons.

Surekha Kothari

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Exhaustion

There is a consistent pattern of intolerance in families that seems to be so inconsistent with the theory that love develops when you spend your young life together. You share, you care, you fight and make up easily, have elders watching you and looking out for you until we learn to look out for each other. How can we cut such cords of relationships that were no fluke? They were pre-ordained for a reason.

One of the worst emotions we end up harboring is resentment. This is a very debilitating emotion which speaks of hurts becoming wounds over an escalation of small issues becoming large over time.

It is like carrying home the image of the villain from a movie you have seen and not recognizing that it was just a character played for a while. In real life also, this is true. We act out of reaction, impulse, complexes but continue to judge such episodes of interaction when the very same people are so much more than their superficial action. AND they change according to their learning.

I cannot repeat enough times that our exhaustion does not come from gym too hard. It comes from the excess baggage of our emotions, of messed up relationships that we carry on our back which we refuse to let go. We trap our own energy and complain of exhaustion! When we ourselves are responsible.

Many people argue that they are fine, in fact, relieved that connections have been severed. Remember They are not healed though. And unhealed versions of humans walking this earth are unhappy people. We must unlearn resentment, relearn how to love again if we want healing.

Surekha Kothari

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Gratitude

We use the word “healing” all the time. But heal what exactly? Delving deeper into our unhealed areas is not easy. Sometimes, quite scary even. The mind has ways of camouflaging what can turn out to be very painful realizations about oneself.

But having said that, do we have a choice? Catharsis is the most effective recipe for happiness. Like we clean our homes to feel good, so, is it so difficult to see unclean parts of our inner world? 

How else will we heal?

And who CAN heal us but ourselves? A doctor can only advise, but the work has to be done by us.

And healing oneself is not really difficult if we can list out what needs to heal. And why. Generally, what works brilliantly well is gratitude, forgiveness and letting go of every yesterday on a daily basis. Wake up to a new day as if it were your first day and work through the day as if it were your last. It will be a paradise gained!

Surekha Kothari

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Instability

Isn’t it strange that we ourselves spoil relationships based on our temporary instability on account of our egos? And when time lapses and sense dawns, we begin to understand our own mistakes and wish things could have been different. By that time, often, distances have crept in and people have moved on, keeping the memories and hurts intact.

Who did it help ultimately?

A stitch in time saves nine. Perhaps, we left this wisdom back in school. Surekha Kothari

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Profound Experience

 Sometimes I think we are very limited. Imagine! If Krishna came to you in disguise, would you recognize him? But you know what? Your soul which IS Krishna HAS come to you as you and you don’t recognize him in you.

This is the biggest tragedy of a human being. My guru said to me once, look at every being with the same respect that you have for me. Which means recognize ME in everyone.

But is it that simple. We live within so many likes and dislikes, blame, without realizing that this is not what we should be doing at all. 

We have muted the Krishna within us. When he shines within us, we integrate with all creation. We feel that we are whole, like him.

However, this is to be experienced. And the path to such a profound experience is through much turmoil, loneliness and ultimate surrender.

Surekha Kothari

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Path of Non-Resistance

Whatever you resist becomes stronger. Letting it happen, accepting it, looking at it like a specimen in a laboratory and letting it go. This is the path of non-resistance. 

For example, your thoughts. They come in thousands and oppress you. Why? Because you don’t WANT them. You fight them, avoid them. In doing this, you are giving them more energy with that extra attention.

What does meditation teach us? To watch the thoughts come and go. To let go of them without internalizing them. Soon, they will reduce and keep reducing with regular practice.

Eventually, such a mind is clear and devoid of distractions. This is also called going with the flow without disturbing it. Some rich dividends accrue with such an attitude to life.

Surekha Kothari

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Spiritual Growth

 If you can separate the ego from the self, your spiritual growth is ensured.

Any hurt, any wound, any anger issues can be attributed to the ego, the “ahankara” within. The self remains untarnished. It is the observer, the non-involved party.

Of course, this is not at all easy, like eating a piece of chocolate. It is nothing less than a complete melt down of all belief systems and all illusions built by the ego. It may feel almost like a rebirth and becoming a new person.

I always point out to myself, that when people use their hearts instead of the ego, the outcome is rich and rewarding to the person who uses love. Love finds a happy niche within us even if it is not reciprocated because the heart is the path to the divine energy.

Look around the world today and see fear ruling everywhere. Not love. The ego can only generate more fear. And where there is the rule of fear, love finds it difficult to step in.

This is for each of us to reflect on. Surely, we don’t want fear in our lives. Then, why have we learnt to live with this mind of compromise?

Surekha Kothari

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RISE in love

Most of us are in love with the idea of love. I have a terrific blind spot when the phrase “falling in love” is voiced.

We need to “RISE in love”.

Love is a commitment to YOURSELF. It is not an emotion that is given away easily and withdrawn as easily. 

Our knowledge of anyone is initially at best, superficial. Maybe, better in the years to come. But yet, never complete because everyone changes and keeps changing, including us. The same person you knew and developed feelings for is not that person today and will not be tomorrow. And this applies to you and all of us as well.

Then how does a relationship survive? On this very understanding. On acceptance of that change. On loving the actual person WITH this constant change.

We must understand that each one of us has different reactions to the same episode. And our psyche keeps changing differently.

Depth comes into a relationship only in time and with indulging the idiosyncrasies of each other and smiling at them. Becoming each other’s best friends.

Provided we give it enough time for a real friendship to develop.

Surekha Kothari

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Circumstances

 I can shout from the rooftop for the external world, that I am right. But suppose you look within yourself and realize that you were wrong?

What would you do?

Camouflage the truth and shout louder?

Admit to yourself and still be in silent denial

Or

Have the courage to admit AND acknowledge AND rectify.

This catharsis is a huge part of my workshops and talks. We don’t point a finger at ourselves. It is easier to blame the other person or circumstances.

It is like blaming the river, the oars when your boat capsizes because you did not know how and where to steer it.

Every day, we face situations and challenges and we constantly point outwards. Our coping mechanism is damaged because examination of anything starts from within.

Does our conscience speak to us? Or have we stopped listening?

Surekha Kothari

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Perceptions

Life has taught me not to compare and not to lament over what is not. A difficult journey if you live on expectations.

But clinically speaking, you cannot compare because everyone has different challenges. We are not aware of their intensity and what people go through behind that mask for the world. So, thinking someone else is better off than us may not be a correct assumption. Therefore, comparisons can make us unhappy because of our own limited perceptions.

On the other hand, we all have blessings we need to be aware of and be grateful for. If this gratitude begins to pervade our thoughts, there won’t be any room for complaints. And we may let go of what was not meant to be. Despite this, life gives us plenty even if it is in other ways than what we expected from it.

Surekha Kothari

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Self-Realization

The phrase “attack is the best form of defense” does not come from a good place.

The fact that defense IS required implies a wrongdoing. The following attack on the victim to defend the wrongdoing by turning tables on the innocent party then becomes a double whammy.

This is the best way to escalate the increasing distances. And the absence of learning to admit the wrong doing and rectify it.

But look around you. Such acts of self-realization are almost non-existent. It is as if an admission of having done wrong will incriminate the person in front of people.

I feel the reverse is true.  It is the bigger person who acts with humility and understands what was done was not correct. And learns not to take such paths in future.

That’s why it is never wise to use that phrase “attack is the best form of defense”. It comes from a place of defiance, not grace.

Surekha Kothari

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Law of Resonance

There seems to be a lot of ostracization and marginalization of people in society today. A wrong set of practices has taken over from the earlier respect and acceptability quotients related to people and relationships.

Money, fame and power having the illusory notion of status is probably responsible.

But spiritually and as per the Law of Resonance, it is important to remember that in doing so, we have also marginalized ourselves. And we have also become ostracized from our own wholesomeness.  Because integration is the inherent nature of wholesomeness, and marginalizing others is reflected deep within our dark spaces where we need illumination.

Surekha Kothari

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Transformation

It is good to be simple and simple to be good. If only we realized that life is a flow. To watch as things, unfold in your life, and accept them with grace is the best way to live simply.

Again and again, we have experienced the conflict in our lives when we have tried to go against the flow. Reacting, wanting things to go our way and the discomfort of having to adjust to circumstances both beyond our liking and our control: these are ways we inflict suffering on ourselves.

Think! What IS within our control? Just ourselves and can only train ourselves. For what? First, to become simple. Understand that every episode is a trigger for learning! Yes, this comes after a lot of pain. But if that pain does NOT translate into learning and transformation, it was never worth it.

Anything that appears negative always has a positive side at the other end. Everything is a lesson.

With this attitude, life becomes simple and graceful and this leads to freedom beyond our imagination.

What lacks is the application of this knowledge. As they say, no pain, no gain.

Surekha Kothari

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Consequences

If your flight clips someone else’s wings, it is not freedom. It is an ego flight. What you choose today becomes your future agenda because of the consequences of your actions.

Karma is not a punishment. It is a mirror. If you sow thorns, you cannot reap flowers. You will meet many people who will hurt you, hate you, even harm you. But if you return the same, it is possible that somewhere, you may have been responsible for what you are receiving today. Once you understand this, you will refrain from retaliation.

So, do not react ever. Keep yourself clean in every thought, word or deed. This is your right power, an enduring power because you are experiencing your wholesomeness.  And when you are whole, you can only share wholesomeness. There is only wholesomeness to share.

So, never try to change anyone else. Change yourself and everything changes around you. But it takes time and a lot of faith. Don’t forget! We take time to turn over a new leaf just as we took so much time to become polluted.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Real Strength

The frailty of humans has to be understood. Their psychological stability depends on the circumstances being favorable. If your sense of self-worth depends on what you achieve like wealth and power, it is possible you may lose it also. The tragedy is, the more you expend your energy in maintaining an image, the further you move away from your authentic self.

And when you are in that space, even a small criticism can ruin your day. A setback can throw you into despair.  A rejection can wound you for years. A loss can destroy your identity completely.

Is your being strong possible then only when life agrees with you? When

your strength exists only in ideal conditions? 

That is not strength at all. Real strength reveals itself when conditions become unfavorable.

Anyone can be calm when there is no storm. What happens when the storm comes? When crutches fall away? When there is loss and loneliness? The true mettle of a human being shows up only then.

So, cultivate the strength that holds up under the adverse circumstances. Understand that challenges can and do come unannounced. Be prepared and let the universe be your guide and the divine energy your support.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com 

Divine Hand

A family is like a bunch of assorted flowers put together by a Divine Hand. Different souls slated to be together to help each other evolve. They are all different, with different destinies but bonded in love and compassion, looking out for each other.

This karmic nature of families is real.

We are duty bound to act as per the divine laws to attain freedom of the soul.

Learning humility and letting go of our pride, our egos is the first lesson.

Developing a community of friends outside is wonderful but not at the cost of family.

We only ask for blessings from family. Have you noticed? From our connections bound by birth. Somewhere within you, you know that genuine blessings are given from the heart by people you have grown up with and who love you despite all your faults and weaknesses and such blessings reach the Divine, believe me.

So, please return to your families, especially your parents who are living in senior citizen’s homes. It is sad that many parents prefer to be there. This says something about the lack of care and love from those who were nurtured and cared for with love by these very parents.

Surekha Kothari

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Idealistic

Make your life easy. We all have feet of clay and tend to give vent to our anger and frustrations. And in doing so, we may let words slip out that in calmer moments, we would not.

What amazes me is that apologizing when you ARE wrong should come easily if the conscience is active. But it does not. What is active is the ego and we cave in, and become slaves to our ego. There are cases when hurts pile up between two people over a period of time.

Actually, so much pile up is unhealthy. Often, one is a dominant defaulter and the other keeps quiet until one day, something gives way and the conflict acquires large dimensions.  And sometimes, it us because none is willing to extinguish igniting fires.

It is always better to voice your feelings the very first time you feel someone has wronged you. If you keep silent for whatever reasons, the damage to relationships gets unnecessarily worse. It is definitely not worth it. I find the closer the relationship, the more the intensity of hurt. People call me too idealistic but honestly, whatever the nature of the relationship, never stop stating your truth gently and firmly so the next time, people will be careful. 

And try to be simple, without drama and conflict. Ultimately, YOU and only you are responsible for how you feel and why. The entire onus of your life is yours and no one can make even a dent in you without your permission.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

Self-Glorification

Why did existence plant us in this world? Have you ever thought about it? Why did it plan that everything and everyone should be connected?

We were placed in different slots of affluence, work fields, and relationships to create a wholesome world in the image of the Divine. And when we led such lives, we exonerated ourselves and knew we were following the path laid out by the universe for ALL of us.

But what did some of us do? We started feathering our own nests, monopolizing resources given to us as gifts from the universe, indulging in   self-glorification and paying little heed to the ones who were less fortunate in many significant ways.

So, are we responsible for the world as it is today? If anyone says “no”, please think, reflect and internalize the values we have completely forgotten.

Surekha Kothari

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Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari