Life Journey

Whenever we judge people, we are indirectly telling ourselves that we are better than them. The truth is, if your mind is open and your intention is learning and growing, evolving to higher levels, you will find you can learn something from everyone.

But when the mind is not clear, we choose that we won't mind learning from someone we like but not from someone we dislike. We grudge the latter their wisdom, their maturity. Very childish on our part. Because ultimately, WE lose out, not them. Like cutting our nose to spite our face kind of situation.

The problems in the world today arise somewhat from such polluted attitudes. We forget that we are travelling in a moving train where we will have to get off one day. We forget that the actual day of judgment is not when our ego judges someone but when WE are judged after our life.

I am amazed at what I see each day. You start with a shock, and then shock after shock at the way humans behave with each other and often due to small or not so small misunderstandings. Sometimes, rigidities. Often due to insecurities. Or, sometimes, it is just a huge ego and so on, until one day, it results in shock no more.

THAT is the day when your journey of detachment begins. The sooner , the better because attachment can make you so vulnerable that it has the power to kill, at least to make you physically very ill.

Dying of heartbreak and hurt is not something you want to do. So, let every experience make you mentally and spiritually stronger every day. As they say, you can either swim or sink.

This is for all those people who love too much and unconditionally. If you do, do it as an act of God. And practice this: "Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do", cleanse your mind and move on. No one is going to be with you all the time. A gentle reminder! Your journey is alone, my friends.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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State of joy

Silence! A potent word! How many types of silences do we know of?

I am reading a very informative book: "Silence" by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk. Such books increase our awareness manifold.

We don't know how to face silence. When we are not doing anything, we try to engage our mind in other activities. Anything to get away from silence! We are consumed....

We consume food to avoid emptiness. We let our senses consume us. Feelings! Intense ones! Hatred. Anger. Even love consumes us.

Our desires, choices consume us. Passion consumes us.

And our conscience can consume us. Guilt, repentance for our actions, speech, words.

All these are enemies of silence, of silence that should ideally pervade all these and destroy them.

So, meditate, meditate and meditate. Deep breathe, deep breathe, deep breathe. Our breath is more powerful than we know.

Breath cleanses negative feelings and negative karma apart from bad habits and addictions. Meditation helps to achieve and maintain silence. And one day, this silence becomes golden. This is a state of joy.

But we need to start our journey to get there.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Quote of the day

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Opportunities

This is especially for moms. Once the children fly the nest, there is a huge upheaval inside them, a deep void which very few understand unless they have gone through it themselves. Children included. It is so difficult to get into "someone else's" shoes. Yes, I have called a mom "someone else" because she IS.

I don't mean this in a callous way. It is an Indian thing that moms pretty much sacrifice many years in looking after the kids. I won't say "nurturing". Many kids don't feel nurtured though many moms have done their best, some of them while going through hell themselves. And many moms could have done better as well as long as they don't beat themselves up for this thought. . But "could have" is speculative.

So, to come back to the void within, it is accompanied by a lot of guilt. “Maybe, I failed in this and this...". The "could have" syndrome! And some kids make sure they tell you. So, you are left in no doubt if you were even a little doubtful earlier. And there is always hurt...o yes! Immeasurable hurt!

So, I want to tell these moms what my guru says ...when kids fly the nest, you start building one for yourself which augments other aspects of your personality which you had no time to look at or gave up out of love for kids or some other compulsions.

I believe in "alone", not "lonely". "Alone" carries opportunities for growth. "Lonely" lacks the ability to see those opportunities. How long will you be a conformist if it does not make you happy?

Domesticity is a long habit. It is not a bad thing. But, it is not the ONLY thing. The sooner moms realize this, the more they will be able to expand their vision and incorporate their dreams into it.

Good luck!!

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: 
www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Challenges

I always say expectations, like comparisons, can turn out to be odious. But my experience has shown that presumptions are a shade worse because they anticipate an experience that may or may not happen.

So, what happens here? Suppose there is something I need to do. That action will definitely have a consequence like all actions do. But, because I might be having several mindsets or belief systems, I start to imagine the consequences of that act before the act itself is done. Actually, the consequence may have played out very differently in reality. But I don't give it a chance. I want just the desired result of that act.

This is a typical case of wanting to control your environment. And playing out the consequences in your mind gives you some comfort, perhaps, that you will manage to achieve somewhat the desired result. A probability only. Not a certainty.

So many times, I have heard the line "if I do this that will happen." "And happen for sure" is added. An over-the-top reaction of this kind may demonstrate an innate fear. Fear of something being taken away from you or letting things go from your hands into an unknown and non confirmative space which you are uncomfortable with. . People who steer actions with careful rigidity might be prone to such thought processes.

Actually, these are blocks which prevent expansive experiences. Like, I take a flight everywhere and hence, miss out on the beautiful countryside which I would have experienced had I motored up to my destination. But because I don't know the roads and might have an accident, it is safe to take a flight.

So, I am already anticipating an accident that may or may not happen. Presumption that an aircraft is safer!! I have no way of knowing it IS safe, before I fly out. A presumption again!

Friends, we really miss out on so much of life by controlling our environment. And if we have family around us, we end up doing the same to them as well. I understand that everyone wants to be safe and away from harm. But to close yourself on the basis of presumptions is also not a healthy trait or practice.

Later, as adults, you see people who grow up in such conditions shrinking their minds to respond more rigidly than freely. Challenges are very essential for out -of -the - box thinking and living.

So, try new environments even for your children. Challenge them and observe their responses. Life is the biggest teacher. If you grow, the environment and people around you also grow.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Positivity

I read this very significant, in fact, revealing line the other day. "Don't be Buddhist. Be a Buddha." I said something similar in one of my Mumbai workshops and was accused of blasphemy. All I said was that Christ is Christ because of his qualities and each one of us can become a Christ. It is my conviction.

I wonder what happens to us when this thought is presented before us. Evidently, we think somewhere deep within us that we are capable of being followers but cannot go beyond.

Each one has a philosophy compatible for their personal journey. No harm! All roads will eventually converge into one Divine Energy, whatever be the name given to it by different religions. But where does our journey of evolution say that we cannot achieve more than merely following a group who look up to one leader? In fact, any genuine spiritual leader will also encourage only this thought, that we can all elevate our consciousness to the level of a Buddha, Krishna or Christ.

I was blessed to have a guru who said, once you reach my level, your journey is beyond me. And I have always felt that if we remain followers, it is because we never really understood nor worked enough. And, conveniently, were content to be in that space.

Before Deepavali, we clean up each corner of our homes to prepare for festivities. We allow ourselves a few days for this activity. And then we resume our daily jobs.

Imagine doing spring cleaning and removing cob webs every day from our minds!!! That constant vigilance and awareness of every little thought, every word...? Possible? Of course! But would we? We would go to the ends of the earth to earn name and fame in worldly activities. But not many see name and fame and hence, the need for this very taxing daily practice without any visible or even desired end in sight.

Returning to Buddha, we all know his story and how he achieved enlightenment. Ironically, we know he was a human being like us who, with his concentrated and single minded efforts reached his goal. I find it difficult to understand why we feel we won't ever reach there. Even logically, this does not make sense to me, though I know this is not a subject of logic.

Where do we begin? Simply with simple meditation to reduce the useless thoughts (cobwebs) with constant practice. Pranayama and yoga to regulate breathe and focus of mind. Reduce ego and attachment. Hate the negativity in people, NOT the people who practice it because they are at that level of vibration at that point in time. (Attitude determines altitude). Exercise your choice. CHOOSE POSITIVITY. CHOOSE THE GOOD. CHOOSE SPIRITUALITY. This is the only permanent option actually. The rest is transient, misleading and therefore, damaging to the progression of the soul.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Quote of the day

Sense of wisdom

Every phase in time has had priority requirements. But none of the phases ever required atrocities, traumas, hatred, intolerance, greed, war mongering and enmity in the name of separatist "identities".

We keep hearing that "satyug" will come back one day. And how well greed would be justified if we craved for satyug as of yesterday. True, this planet cannot take any more negativity. All the healers need to come together, connect and heal the planet and the gross misdeeds of human beings regularly. The way this world is churning today, the writing on the wall is very clearly visible.

Man is insatiable in seeking hell. Has lost all sense of wisdom. Lives in an illusory imagination of permanence and delusions of grandeur and Omni presence. The road leads to a "no man's land", darkness beyond the imaginable.

Let the light shine again. Let this planet know peace and joy, the brotherhood of man and man again. And let peace, harmony and prosperity reign. It is long overdue.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Quote of the day

Transformation

Right from the time of birth, we are changing constantly. As children, we listen to parents. When we become a little older, going to school is the first big adjustment. Freedom comes along. Exposure comes along. And with every influence, within the family first and later, the outside influence, changes a human being constantly. There are paradigm shifts in belief systems, styles of living etc.

A fusion of many types of cultures, thinking patterns sometimes confuse, sometimes help in clearing the mind.

In this process, some become better and evolved while some become bitter and disillusioned with life.

Belief systems, unless we have an open mind, tend to make for a certain rigidity which can become our worst enemy, like stagnant water which breeds diseases. Rigid belief systems are often like a disease. They block out the light of each new day.

The catch word is "change", whether the ability or the inability to do so. On this depends the transformation into betterment or bitterness.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Foolishness

Very often, we seem to have little or no control over our thoughts. They keep coming almost like a cyclone and shake up the very core of an individual. Very few have the awareness and capacity to stop them when required, observe them and change them if and when necessary.

Sometimes, out of nowhere, some thoughts connected with old wounds surface suddenly. And then we understand that the healing is still pending. We will not get over these thoughts unless we heal them. Through understanding, love and forgiveness. What damages healing is also the intensity of negative feelings. The more intense, the less the ability to let go and more the pain and resentment.

Often, we are also so helpless with thoughts coming in. We actually believe that thoughts just come in. But from where? And do we have the power to regulate them or not? Do we KNOW we create them AND have the power to let them go, bring them in, transform the negative ones at will and by choosing the direction we want them to take? Perhaps not.

People say they tried but no resolution was found. Again, let us ask "why". Because we insist on playing and replaying the same old "hurt" tape in our mind.

Again and again and again. We want a salutary action, a re conciliatory action from the person who has hurt us. Right? We are unwilling to let go till this is done.

We don't realize that WE can sort this out ourselves. Why do we need the crutch or a dependency to feel better? Or even to forgive and forget? Come on! Resolve the hurt yourself. Because you CHOSE to get hurt. Right? So, why expect someone else to solve YOUR issue, created by YOU?

We need to get out of the mode of "approval seeking" and emotional dependence. We want to belong somewhere, lean on someone because we don't know how to live with people AND be independent. We keep loaning or giving away our precious energy to them.

The help we expect from others can be easily done through self counseling because at the end of the day, it is OUR ego that initiates the hurt. So, with counseling the ego, it is possible to heal it and even smile at what we realize now, was utter foolishness on our part.

Simple, my dear Watson! How can anyone hurt me if I don't WANT to get hurt?

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Intentions

To respond with responsibility! Two key words here: "response" and "responsibility". If we are responsible and act with responsibility, we will respond to everything. They go hand in hand with our maturity levels also. And maturity means well thought out action inspired by good intentions and in the best interest of all. Through a positive and a balanced mind. See the connection?

But here, we must have a strong faith in our core strength. Only then will responses become elevated, come from our higher selves and a high benchmark of positivity.

We are creating ourselves everyday…in fact, each minute. If we are reacting, we are getting influenced by other energies around us which cloud our energies. Maybe, then, we end up with several mental issues because we have given in to the decision of others. But that is not YOU. That is not YOUR inner core. Therefore, it is important to understand whether others create who you are or YOU create who you are.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Quote of the day

Tramuas

"To hell and back" is common terminology when we go through an intensely bad experience and are trying to recover. None of us can actually live in anyone's shoes to feel that intensity. Though we can try.

To feel someone's pain, agony is an evidence of very deep soul connections. We don't feel so for everyone and there is so much misery in this world.

The intense and searing pain that tears us apart at the suffering or death of a special person can create a hell around us on a daily basis. This is what depressions are all about. You get up in the mornings and the first thought is about these souls, that is, if you slept through the night before. This is true of all traumas that we go through in our lives at various ages, from rape to betrayals to abject misery and disenchantment.

The biggest service we can provide is to try and mitigate at least a percentage of that feeling of "hell" where they live. Even if we can touch one life in this manner.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Views

Sometimes, we don't lend credence to the fact that people's minds are wired so differently. What is clear as daylight to me may not be necessarily so for others. Naturally then, in a close family or group situation, this is a reason for conflict if one side imposes views on the other.

In a dialogue, we can try and impress our perceptions because a dialogue means both parties are open to listening and imbibing. However, the scenario changes if we try to superimpose our views on the opposite party. Even if the final conclusion might be in favor of MY view, there might be a resistance to it if I insist on my views being the only right ones.

So, often, we compromise, keep silent or go along with the popular view to keep our relationships intact over and above being right. Only with the understanding that it cannot be "my way or the highway" kind of attitude. There are reasons why "my way" could be rejected, though maybe, not all valid ones from where I might be looking at it, but very valid from other angles arising from other views.

Therefore, the ultimate outcome might be a good one only if we are willing enough to respect those other points of view to complete the picture.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Quote of the day

Progressive

Common sense says one must do what is progressive. What hinders progress is obviously our inability to THINK progressive. India being such an ancient country, it is steeped in various traditions. Each state has its own culture and traditions, almost as if it were a different country.

As a nation, we evolved. We tried to learn from other countries as did others from us. But somewhere, we started thinking that the definition of progress is more money, more power. The race is to become a power center. In every field.

This power center is like the honey that bees get attracted to and swarm around. And then, we develop a mob mentality ruled by these power centers. Basically, a mob mentality is mindless and can often become a dangerous trend.

Any belief that begins to border on fanaticism loses its core of origin. Every belief starts with an experience and gets strengthened as a stereotype which is then very hard to let go or change.

We must remember that stereotypes are valid for a period of time. And there valid reasons for their development and existence, too. But they are not all timeless.

We have heard ad nauseum that change is a constant. So, some truths also change with time. To move on and adapt ourselves would certainly be progress if the consequences all around would be win all around.

But if we try and hang onto some stereotypes which lost their value in an evolving world or within a changing context, we could end up in a regressive situation instead of a progressive one. And every phase is chronicled in history as the wisdom or the madness of men. We look back in judgment but what we need is to be vigilant and aware in every phase so that wisdom prevails and we need not look back with regret, small or big.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

SpeakingtreeBlog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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Quote of the day

Personal evolution

In "satsang" and from spiritual orators and books, we often hear about practicing detachment. While being human, it is extremely difficult. But there are ways of reducing the attachment. Just because, then, decisions would be more correct and more balanced.

Simply put, if we can just be clinical in our assessment of situations, putting behind our personal feelings, this can be achieved.

You know, watching the world go by? Just don't get embroiled in the lives of those you recognize on the way. Easier said than done? Sure! But at least peace reigns in the lives of such people.

Once you get into the habit of expecting from people the kind of consideration and compassion YOU gave them, you are in for trouble, depression and sleepless nights. Specially if they are "family". Expectations from the family are natural. But, people just grow up differently. Even siblings. They are products of their own journey. This is the bottom line and the most clinical one, too. It is always good to remember. So that we can immediately let go of any personal expectations and understand that there is a reason why people do what they do. And these may not coincide with your thoughts, values, sensibilities or ways. But that is really not an issue. It is alright. The only thing that is enduring is that which comes from the heart. And to listen to the heart, sometimes, you have to lessen the impact of the brain.

So, the ideal formula is love genuinely, keep a respectful line of control between and live and let live. The only people you can bear influence on are kids... and I am not even sure of that! The rest of the time should be spent on personal evolution.

Surekha Kothari

www.BodyMindSoulCentre.com

surekhakothari.wordpress.com

Speakingtree Blog: www.speakingtree.in/public/surekhakothari

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